Monday, September 3, 2012

The End Of The Summer

It's the unofficial end of summer today. And though September seems to be nicest month weather-wise in Minnesota, it's hard not to notice the subtle changes. Like, it's 7:26pm and the sun is setting. Before we know it, we'll be heading into work and heading home in darkness. That's ridiculously depressing. I am, however, looking forward to sweaters and leggings and layers and tall, thick socks. My body doesn't dress in summer well.

I'm also looking forward to moving, though it's a weird looking forward to. I'm going to miss this house. It's very comfortable - that is when it's not tormenting me with worry. But, it's still my home - for now - and I will miss so much about it. Walking away from it will be very difficult.

But our new place is going to be life changing. I don't know what sort of life changes it will bring, I just know things will be very different. The way we go about our day will be different. The way we talk will be different. I haven't shared a wall with a stranger in nearly 10 years. Conversations will be of a low-voiced variety at first, I'm sure.

I could get into the leaving of this house and moving on to new things right now if I really wanted to, but I don't. It's too much. The...stuff...that we've acquired over the years that is now piled in the basement: garage sale, garbage, keep....all that stuff. It's amazing what we carry around with us and crazy how difficult it is to get rid of it.

I also spent some time with my dad again today and left, once again, with this deep hollow sadness and thoughts about what all of this means and why we do what we do considering where most of us will likely end up.

It's so hard to see him now how he is. And I want so much for it not to be hard. I want to go there with a big smile on my face and just hang out with my dad and make him happy for a couple of hours. Instead I get there and have nothing to say and he stares straight ahead and I stare at the clock and then he says something about how he is that is just soul crushing and I want to run out of there.


And I have to change the subject. I can't do this right now. Especially since Counting Crows' cover of The Psychedelic Furs' "The Ghost In You" just started playing and, well, it's just making everything that much more sad. It's what Counting Crows do. Seriously. It's a great cover. Here. I found it on YouTube:

How's that for changing the subject?

Moving on...

End of summer. End of August. August. The BIG MONTH that I had been waiting for all year long has come and gone and that was that. And now this is this. September. Hello, how are you?

Just moving on...

And hopefully moving forward. Getting better.

I'll try not to be so blue next time.

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