Friday, July 17, 2009

Tired and Wired We Ruin Too Easy

Well, it's been about a month since my last post. This past month has been an emotional rollercoaster. It's amazing how much money can rule someone's life, if you let. But sometimes, you have no choice. You put yourself into a place where money matters. I have a home, a car, a dog. All expensive things. I like to buy music, go to concerts, have money to spend on the weekends, go out to dinner. These are all things that bring me enjoyment. Lately I've had to curtail these things that bring me pleasure, that make life worthwhile. It has taken it's toll on my emotional well being, or at least I think it has.

I'm going to get a bit personal here. You see, as a woman, my emotions during certain times of the month are already deemed inauthentic. It's just PMS, they say. This comment used to make me so very angry. How dare someone disregard my feelings, my emotions due to some date on the calendar? But, lately, I've really noticed legitimate PMS happening and I find it extremely frustrating. It's getting worse every cycle. It's unsettling not to have any control of your emotions. While it's happening, I know it's happening, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Exactly a week before my period, I find myself freaking out and crying and getting into arguments with my husband over the smallest of matters - and there is nothing I can do about it. I've been meaning to go to the doctor. I think about it each and every month. Then it passes and I forget about it.

Everything has been so tense lately as it is, with my husband still not having found a job and work getting really crazy for me. My stress level is through the roof. It's hard to manage and go through your days and make future plans when you don't know if you will be able to keep your house come the first of the year.

The only gleam of light is that once he does find a job, we've become so good at managing our finances and living meagerly that we will be rolling in dough. It will be awesome. I live for that day.

On the flipside of things, I was looking over my last post about all I have to look forward to this summer. Some of these things have happened. Let me tell you about them.

1. New bathroom and kitchen floors
Never ever hire a handyman to do the work a professional contractor can do. This guy came so highly recommended by people I trust I was in complete shock at the work he did and the way he did it. He informed us that the job would take 3 days barring any unplanned obstacles. He showed up at 9am each day and left by 1:30. The project took a total of 7 business days to complete.

Our kitchen floor turned out great. The bathroom was a hack job. It's like he would spend all this time on the kitchen, look at the clock and see 1:30 fast approaching, and rush the work in the bathroom before taking off.

We also, unexpectedly, had to buy a new refrigerator due to our kitchen floor being raised and the old fridge no longer fitting in its spot. This was an unexpected expense for an already expensive project that we probably should have held off on. So, we had to sell our beloved dining room table that has been sitting in the basement since we moved into this house because it didn't fit with the decor. I had always hoped that someday in the future we could make a space for it. But we couldn't wait anymore. I miss you, table.

2. Rock the Garden
Rock the Garden was a fantastic event. The weather was great and the place was packed. My husband and I volunteered and were placed taking names at the VIP door. What we didn't know is that this got us into the VIP area once our shift was over. Free beer, free food, a great view, and private bathrooms. I am completely spoiled for outdoor festivals now.

3. Regina Spektor's new album "Far"
I was so fucking excited for this album. I think I may have built it up to a level that it could never have lived up to. But I never expected it to fall as short of my expectations as it did. There is one song I really truly enjoy. That is "Folding Chair". But I already have a version of this song she did by herself on a radio station that I prefer. The album version is an over produced commercial fare and I swear they used autotune on her voice. Why? Why? Why? She does not need it. The other songs that I like, I sort of feel like I'm reaching. I want to like these songs so I am making myself like these songs. They are: "The Calculation", "Eet", "Dance Anthem of the 80s", and "Machine". "Machine" is a Peter Gabriel knock off that is probably the other only song on the album that I truly enjoy. It's jus really too bad, Regina.

4. 4th of July
We had our party. People came over. Badminton was played. Lots of wonderful food was consumed. Beers were drank. It was a good time.

5. The National
The National concert was last night and, dear god, it was one of the best shows I have ever seen. I went into this loving their album Boxer and random other songs that I've heard. I had no idea what they looked like, what sort of stage presence they have, how many people are in the band, what their names are, where they are from. I was open to anything.

Oddly enough, they were almost exactly what I pictured in my mind. The lead singer, Matt Berninger, came out in an olive suit with a skinny tie. He himself was a tall, very thin, short blonde haired man. And his voice....when you hear a voice like that on an album, one can only assume that it is not real. There is no way a person can sound that awesome. But from the first note sung, he proved me wrong. His voice is amazing. He just seemed like a guy who, to quote Leonard Cohen, was "blessed with the gift of a golden voice" and decided he had to share it with the world.

What I didn't expect was as high an energy show as it was. I expected them to just kind of hang out and present their songs in a pleasant manner. Holy shit! They rocked! Mr. Berninger was all over the stage screaming into the mic whilst intermittently pouring wine into his plastic cup. At one point during the encore, he jumped off the stage, walked through the crowd, up the stairs (right past me) and jumped on the railing of the landing screaming "I am the great white hope!" from their song "Mr. November". God, it was fantastic. I am forever hooked on this band and must now use my upcoming birthday money to purchase everything they have ever done. Go See Them Live!

This has been my summer so far. An emotional rollercoaster with some amazing highlights. And there is still more to come. My husband says he notices the job market opening up. Maybe something will happen soon.

As for now, it is about 60 degrees and super windy out. It doesn't feel much like summer. Apparently we are in a cool cycle and the next couple of summers are supposed to be this way. It doesn't help my emotional state. I need the sun now.

Up next on my agenda:

A weekend filled with a wedding, a baby shower, and a 40th birthday. A private Jenny Lewis show on Tuesday night. And, finally:



David Cook next Friday. I plan to get my full fangirl dorkism on. It should be great.

I will try to post more.

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