Saturday, July 18, 2009

Christian Science

Since when does being Christian mean you can't have a good time?

I returned from a wedding tonight not filled with tears full of celebration of binding love or feet tender from the Electric Slide and the Chicken Dance or buzzed off of champagne and beer. No, I returned from a wedding tonight stone cold sober and at 8:30p.m.

I understand that people choose to celebrate their love in many different ways...and that's cool. But I have never been to a wedding like this.

The couple getting married are scientists. Scientists. Like they went to college and are now scientists. Like during the ceremony instead of lighting unity candles, they mixed chemicals. This was the only fun part of the entire celebration.

The ceremony was about a half hour filled with God this and God that. Fine. It's a wedding. It's expected.

The reception was dry. Dry as a bone. No alcohol. None.

I've been to one other dry wedding. It was my brother's. He and his bride are recovering addicts. So, fine. No booze. Understandable. They are also born agains. But guess what? They at least had a DJ and dancing.

This wedding? No dancing. No dancing!!! I have never in my life heard of a wedding where there wouldn't be a dance. Oh, we were encouraged by the pastor to "get our groove on" to the musak that was played during dinner and the slide show. But that was it.

So back to the scientist part....isn't the Big Bang Science 101? I don't get how two people so devoted to science can be so uber-Christian that they don't even have a dance at the wedding. Where is Kevin Bacon when you need him? I mean, you gotta cut it footloose, am I right?

What part of the Bible says to not have fun? Isn't the Bible full of wine and women? I can't say. I've never read it. But I know it's in there. I know the Bible okays the selling of women and the murder of homosexuals. Luckily, there was none of that at this wedding.

I guess you can only drink wine in church. Oh, wait, that's the blood of Christ and the wafer is his body. Fucking cannibals.

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