Mending The Moment

mending the moment

that i’m only partly there

while conversations drift off around me

i’m settling in to this

i’m setting the table even with the weight

of my pint glass

like if it wasn’t there

the table would just topple over

and the smooshed carcasses of cigarettes smoked

would stumble onto everyone

the sun peaked out

so then did my arms

so then did the insecurities

that come with them

laughter

is happening in the discussion that is happening

around me

somebody said something funny again

i smile like i know

take a drink from my glass

and watch the table wobble without its weight

30 Days of Music. Day 12: A Song From A Band You Hate

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings are played way too often around here. I don't understand. Her "soulful" voice seems so put on. The whole act just seems so played out.

The final straw for me with this band is when I heard their atrocious cover of "This Land Is Your Land". Way to suck the entire meaning out of the song. You can listen to it below. But, really, you shouldn't. There are much better things you could do with your time.

Learnings

I’ve only been at this music thing for just over a year. My first gig was in a stairwell at the St. Paul Art Crawl, completely unplugged. Since then I’ve played coffee shops, bars, events, living rooms, festivals – all offering up their own teachings of all things sound. I was never picky. If they didn’t have a PA, I would just bring my amps and plug in the guitar and mic and just play. I wasn’t worried about the mix, never thinking it mattered. I was just a girl with an acoustic guitar, after all. How much mixing did I really need?

Even a gig I played with my drummer at a bar that did not have a sound system, I still just plugged in and played. I’m sure we sounded terrible. I couldn’t hear myself over his drums (and all the conversations happening around me). But still, we played on and I learned some new things.

Harm's Bar, with drums, sans PA.

Last night I played at a coffeehouse that did have a sound system. The venue is big enough where they allow a full drum set; they even have full rock bands play there. But after my set, I’m not sure how they manage that. I couldn’t hear a thing. Maybe it’s because I’m playing an acoustic and it’s just generally quieter. But they had the monitors cranked and I could just barely hear my guitar and since I couldn’t hear it, I knew Shawn couldn’t hear it back there banging away on the drums (and I later confirmed that he couldn’t).

It’s crazy how much not being able to hear everything clearly can affect how you play. You’d think that just knowing your songs is enough. I mean, I play these songs all the time. I know them inside and out. Yet, if I can’t hear my thumb hitting that bass note, then it throws me all off.

I used to be one of those live music watchers that would get so annoyed with the overextended soundcheck. Just play already! It doesn’t have to be perfect! Or giggle at the folk singer asking for “more guitar in the monitor”. Come on, you can’t hear that? It’s you and a guitar. Just play.

Tuning and soundchecking at Acadia.

The first time I saw Dan Bern play was at a coffee shop in St. Paul. His whole set (which was excellent) he kept asking the sound girl over and over to turn the vocals up, turn the guitar down, wait turn the vocals down, turn the other guy’s guitar up, etc, etc. I felt so bad for this girl. I thought, I could never do that. I would just deal with it and move on.

But I wasn’t a musician then, out there playing shows, trying to sound my best so that people want to listen to me and maybe see me again.

I didn’t think Dan was being a dick by asking for those things. I just felt bad for the sound girl.

But, now I understand why he did.

When Shawn steps out from the drums to play electric guitar, it is so important that I can hear his guitar. Otherwise, I don’t know where he is, he doesn’t know where I am and the whole thing is a big mess.

The music sounds different from the stage. Without the monitors, your sound is being projected away from you. Shawn’s guitar is mic’d to go out to the audience, not to me. If the mix in the monitors isn’t right, I can’t hear it at all. Then we aren’t playing together, we’re just kind of up there hitting strings each on our own.

So, last night, I asked twice for “more guitar in the monitor”. I still have to suppress the laughter when I say it as I can’t actually believe I’m saying it. When I realized that it just wasn’t going to get any louder, I played on. It certainly wasn’t my best set, but it was a set and I learned something new.

Set List

-Good

-The Paul Simon Song

-Can’t Even Tell

-The Party

-Good To Know

-Cohabitate

-Here

30 Days of Music. Day 11: A Song From Your Favorite Band

This one was way too easy.

My favorite song of the moment by my favorite band.



I love this version of this song. It gives me shivers and makes my stomach do flip flops.

And, what would The National be without their drummer? My goodness that guy is insanely good.

A Visit From the Goon Squad

I recently finished A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan. It had been a while since I picked up a book. I tend to go in spurts. I’ll read 5-6 books in a row, hit a bad one, and not read again for months. Goon Squad was a great book to get me back into the reading spirit.

Each chapter is its own little story – which made it easy to pick up, read a chapter, then go back about your day- yet they all tie together. Each chapter brings a character from the previous one into focus. Maybe you weren’t really paying attention to that secondary character in the background that maybe had a few lines, or was maybe just mentioned off-hand, but maybe you should have as the next chapter could be all about them and how they helped shaped one of the two main characters, Bennie and Sasha.

The book follows the lives of Bennie and Sasha by criss-crossing back and forth throughout their history and future and all the people who’s paths they’ve crossed either individually or together or sometimes without even knowing that they each knew these people. It takes place amongst the seedy world of the music industry and how it can just destroy you in so many different ways. Whether you’re making it, loving it, working in it, or just following around your friends/lovers who are making it, loving it, or working in it.

It left me feeling sad, wistful, a little empty, a little scared for our future, a little wondering what’s it all for. Especially with my recent foray into the music making scene, it’s makes you realize you really need to remember what you’re doing it all for.

I could see a lot of people I know in these characters and it made me sad for them.

Don’t get me wrong, the book isn’t that depressing. I highly recommend you read it. But, this is just what I took from it, which is the beauty of books and art – everyone gets a little something different out of it.

30 Days of Music. Day 10: A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep

Back when I was a teenager and had my own room and my own bed, I would listen to music to fall asleep. Throw my most easy listening albums in the CD player and dream away. It got to the point where I needed that background noise in order to fall asleep. And when I did meet someone and live with them and share a room/bed with them, it was difficult to get used to not having music playing when I went to bed.

My go-to album for sleep time was Sarah McLachlan's Solace. It's about as easy listening as you can get without actually listening to WLTE Light FM. There are no crazy electric guitars, no pounding drums. Just some light and airy vocals over massively produced arrangements of strings, acoustic guitars, pianos, and brush stroked drum beats.

This is the first track off of that album.



Hmmm...I think I'm asleep already.

Lovely Weekend

This was my weekend. It was awesome.

Friday dinner:

Pad Thai at Ruam Mit Thai in St. Paul. The atmosphere leaves a lot to be desired, but the food is ridiculously good. So much so that even after having leftovers for 2 more meals this weekend, I'm going back for lunch today.

Friday night record release show for Adam Svec’s new album Weak in the Waves:

Solid album. You should pick it up.

Saturday night:

We rode the bikes to Art-A-Whirl. Always starts out as a good idea, but then you have to get home. I have a hard time with that.

Especially when this is the weather we were dealing with.

Dinner at the new Psycho Suzi's. It was packed. Service was terrible. Getting a table was nearly impossible. But we did and had a lovely evening out with friends.

Sunday night:

Art-A-Whirl Part 2. First stop: Shuga Records for Party of One....

Then the Fuck Knights...

Then a pit stop at the 331 Club for Zoo Animal...

And then back to Shuga Records for Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles who closed out the event with an upbeat, get everybody dancing set...

...so upbeat that a circle was started with everybody holding hands and dancing in a circle. It was so beautifully spontaneous that I got a little choked up.

Also of note:

-No rapture! Not that I really thought anyone was going anywhere.

-During band practice we began work on another new song. So excited. Also, I might have a bass player soon. Double excited.

-Slept til noon on Saturday and Sunday. That needs to stop happening.

Happy Rapture Day!

Good Face

I’m kind of becoming obsessed with Adele’s face after seeing her photo spread in Out magazine. I don’t know if it’s just the way they style her make-up or her natural beauty and ability to give good face in photographs, but she is gorgeous.

I want someone to do my make-up like this.

30 Days of Music. Day 9: A Song That You Can Dance To

Not much to say about this one, just that it always gets me moving.

Back In Time

Today I had to run out to Watertown, MN to take care of some things for my father. I hadn't been out there since high school - and even in high school I didn't hang out there very often, but I was/am friends with a lot of people from there. It was weird driving those roads for the first time in probably 12 years. The swervy curviness of County 10 and how it is basically unchanged - not counting a few new housing developments and a roundabout where it meets Highway 7. A roundabout! Why did they decide a roundabout was the best option for that intersection?

There's another roundabout (seriously, why?) as you enter Watertown. As I headed down the hill into "downtown" this flood of memories came back. But they weren't really memories - more feelings, sensations, vibes. I can't even tell you if they were good or bad. I just hadn't laid eyes on that part of my youth in so long. It was all very strange.

Life seems to be pointing me in the direction of my past quite often lately. I find myself confronted with a lot of different memories/vibes all the time now. Whether it's people I run into/reconnect with, visits out to the hometown, family I haven't seen in ages, just random things I'm being forced to think about. I seem to be coming back full circle. I'm trying to figure out if that's good or bad.

Me at my high school prom.

For The Love Of Leggings

I’m addicted to leggings. I would wear them everyday if I had enough pairs. Actually, I pretty much wear them 6 out of 7 days. I don’t wear them in the Lindsay Lohan style of leggings and just a t-shirt as seen below:

Although, I wish I could wear that outfit.

But, I usually pair them with a skirt or dress, boots or ballerina flats. I love them so much that I actually ventured into the land of jeggings. I’ve worn them a couple of times, but they are really hard to pull off when you are not someone with toothpick legs.

Where am I going with this? I was off getting coffee this morning in my leggings and plaid dress with ballerina flats and I passed by a rather large, older woman in stretch pants and a t-shirt and I looked at her and I looked at my outfit and I thought, really, what’s the difference? Why are her pants stretch pants and mine leggings? In 20 years will I still be wearing my leggings but calling them stretch pants?

One of the main reasons I love them so much is the comfort factor. It’s like wearing pajamas. I can move easily. There are no restrictions. There is less fretting over what to wear when I can always just throw on some leggings with a dress or skirt and a t-shirt. They offer a simplicity to my life, which recently, has become complicated and a bit overwhelming.

And now they make them in so many different styles and colors, it’s opened up a whole new world of fashion for me.

But, as I become an older woman and my hips and waist expand - as they inevitably will – will I become one of those women I see lumbering through downtown in her stretch pants and over-sized t-shirt still happily discussing the comfort and ease my now stretch pants provide? Will my love of my leggings make this transition happen with an ease I am uncomfortable with since I am not ever dealing with the awful realization of struggling to put on a pair of jeans that no longer button?

I love my leggings, as I’ve said. I like how they look. I like how the feel. I like how easy they are.

I’ve never been a fashionista and have always found it frustrating trying to keep up with trends. But, eventually, these leggings will become so outdated that I will look the fool wandering around in them. But, what if there’s no going back? What if this is my uniform for life? What if one day I wake up and my leggings are now stretch pants?

This concerns me.

30 Days of Music. Day 8: A Song You Know All Of The Words To

This is a strange category because if I know and like a song, I know all of the words. But, I can’t really just say “all of them”, so I have to pick one.

Friday night I was relaxing at the kitchen table, listening to 89.3 The Current finish up their member drive and celebrating by playing some ridiculous songs. Amongst the ridiculousness, they played “The Humpty Dance” by Digital Underground and I know all of the words to this song.

When this song comes on, I have to sing along. Every terrible misogynistic word. It’s like that episode of South Park where Cartman can’t hear the beginning of “Come Sail Away” without having to finish the whole thing.

Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

30 Days of Music. Day 7: A Song That Reminds You Of A Certain Event

I am behind on this one. The whole Blogger being down thing really halted any posting momentum I had. But, it's back!

I also had a hard time with this "day". I can think of a ton of songs that remind me of people and places, but I feel like an event needs to be a big thing, like a wedding or funeral or birthday or something.

But, after thinking about it for a while, I thought of this song:

I covered this song the first time I performed by myself on stage at an open mic night. I love Anais. I love this song. And now when I hear it I always remember my first time singing.

Me, singing and playing guitar on stage for the first time at O'Donovans open mic night.

Recorded Live

First, Blogger being down has been a real bummer. And my post from yesterday seems to be gone forever. Not that it was anything earth shattering. Luckily it was just a simple post about taking a day off of work. Still, I’m annoyed that it’s gone.

I had a show at The Palace Stage at Wild Tymes in downtown St. Paul Wednesday night. It’s always an interesting place to play. The sound there is really good – at least I think so. But it’s also a sports bar, so there are TVs everywhere playing sports. I get kind of distracted by them when I play. What is it about a turned on television that just forces your eyes onto it? I noticed that again, last night, at the Town Hall Brewery which had Basketball on and I don’t even like Basketball but my eyes kept inadvertently looking up at it.

Okay….what was I talking about again? Oh, yes!

I played music on stage again. So fun. Shawn played drums/electric guitar. People were there. And my lovely sister took some video of a couple of new songs!

“Here”


“Adore”


Setlist for The Palace Stage at Wild Tymes 5/11/11
-Cohabitate
-The Paul Simon Song
-Good to Know
-The Party
-Can’t Even Tell
-Back at the Start – It’s You
-Thursday (brand new uke made it’s stage debut! It sounded so pretty!)
-Good
-Here
-Adore

UPDATE: Yesterday's post is back! Now you can read the riveting details of my day off!

Vacation Day

O my goodness, I needed a day at home. Alone. With nothing to do. I'm currently experiencing that. It's very very nice.

I think mental health days are so very important to people. Vacations are great, but they can be stressful. Sick days suck because you are either too sick to enjoy them or you feel bad for calling in. Holidays off are always so busy and everyone has them off and it's difficult to do anything. Mental health days = perfect.

I am sitting here at the computer singing along to Fiona Apple's "Never Is A Promise" at the top of my lungs. I haven't listened to this song in ages. It's really fun to sing to. You should try it.

Murray is sleeping in the other room. I wonder what he thinks of my belting out.

30 Days of Music. Day 6: A Song That Reminds You Of Somewhere

One of my favorite moments while visiting London was sitting at the Roundhouse Pub in Covent Garden. We had just spent the day walking from our hotel in Trafalagar Square to Abbey Road and back. We decided to go get a pint somewhere to relax before getting ready to head out for the night.

The whole day was perfect. The weather was phenomenal. I saw so much that day. I loved every single second of it. By far, one of the Top 5 days of my LIFE. No joke.

Me in total happiness at the Roundhouse Pub.

But my favorite moment of the entire awesome day, happened at this pub. We just wandered in, ordered two pints and just sort of soaked in all that we had experienced that day. Then, to add to the perfection, through the speakers starts the opening chords of “Don’t Look Back in Anger” by Oasis. I love Oasis. I’ve mentioned this before. And I love this song. I’ve even posted this song before. But now this song will always remind me of this moment and I love that.

I just sat there, staring out the window at the streets of London, so incredibly happy to finally be there, sitting in a pub, and listening to Oasis.

30 Days of Music. Day 5: A Song That Reminds You Of Someone

This one was pretty easy.

It was my husband’s 24^th birthday. We were at the Terminal Bar in Minneapolis to see some of our friends’ bands. One band - Expandable Hole Filler, who we did not know but had seen previously, did this great cover of Nick Cave’s “The Ship Song”. So Matt requested that they play it that night, being that it was his birthday. So, they did. And we danced to it. At the Terminal Bar. Picture proof here:

Since then, it has sort of become Our Song. Because of this, I can’t hear it without thinking of Matt.

Hey! Look Over There! ----->

I've uploaded some of my songs to this site. Now you can listen while you read, if you so desire.

Kind of wondering what I need my actual website for at this point.

www.nikibecker.com

30 Days of Music. Day 4: A Song That Makes You Sad

This was a hard one. I have, literally, thousands of songs in my music collection that make me sad. Why I choose to surround myself with such depression inducing material, I’ll never understand.

But on the beautiful Saturday that I had (and was the topic of the post before this one) I was hanging out in my living room and “Evaporated” by Ben Folds Five came on. I was having a really good day and was in such a fantastic mood and as soon as this song started, I felt my whole being shift and suddenly my shoulders slumped and I found myself staring wistfully at the floor and I thought: This is a song that makes me sad.

It’s a beautiful song, even though it puts me into a state of depression.



All I could find on YouTube was this live version with a full orchestra.

Simple Super Saturday

Yesterday was a good day. One of those days that just sort of happen and are and you have a chance to really just soak it all in and love it.

I did nothing yesterday. Well, I did things, but there was nothing I had to do. It has been a very long time since I had a day like that. I didn't even have to shower yesterday, so I didn't. Maybe that's gross to you, but every day for the past 6 weeks, I've had to get up in the morning, get in the shower and go somewhere and it made every day feel like work. Yesterday, I just got up. I got coffee. I had some good internet time while sipping coffee. I had nowhere to be. It was wonderful. It's good to have days like that every now and then.But, like I said, I did do somethings. Like:

1. I bought a new ukulele!

It's electric and it sounds so pretty and I can't wait to take it to the stage. Maybe I'll let it make it's debut at my show on Wednesday.

2. I sat outside for a really long time.

I never spend much time outside, even though I'm incredibly lucky to have a beautiful backyard. I always get annoyed by the neighborhood kids. But, yesterday, the neighborhood was mostly silent and I got to just sit and soak it all in. It was awesome.

Matt and Murray also kicked around the soccer ball. It's so awesome to see Murray still chasing that thing.

We bought these outdoor lights last October for my CD release party. Immediately after the party, the weather just changed and we never got to enjoy them...

...until last night. It just pulls the whole patio together.

We sat and drank beer, listened to music, and watched the bats fly over head. It was so very very nice.

30 Days of Music. Day 3: A Song That Makes You Happy

I was going through my music collection and was somewhat saddened by all of the sad, sad songs I have. There's not a whole lot of really happy music there. It's going to make Day 4 difficult to choose from.

That being said, as I flipped through my collection, I immediately stopped on Erin McKeown's album Grand. This not only contains a song that makes me happy, but it is my happy album. Even the slower songs bring a smile as the stories she tells are so cool. Erin's voice oozes happiness and a little bit of mischief. This album is an upbeat, happy summer day. When I first heard it, I put the CD in my CD walkman - yes, it was that long ago - and headed to work. I found myself with a big smile on my face from the first note, almost bouncing down the downtown Minneapolis streets.

This song in particular gets me singing along, bouncing, and smiling.



Isn't she adorable? Doesn't just looking at her make you happy?

Lyric Of The Day

"i still believe there's gold
at the end of the world"

-from Tom Waits, "Day After Tomorrow"

30 Days of Music. Day 2: Your Least Favorite Song

First, should I be posting one of these every day? I suppose that makes sense. But I haven’t seen any official rules about 30 days in a row.

This is probably the easiest entry of the 30 days. I’ve hated this song for so long. I’m even hesitant to write about it because once you even say the name or think it, there it is, stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Yep, it’s there now. And I even have headphones on and am listening to other music and this song weasels its way in and above them all.

But here it:



I remember a day where I was listening to the radio and this song came on and I listened for a few minutes and then thought: this is terrible and turned the station. I went back to the station after another song finished and this song was still going. It kept going and going. “Bennie! Bennie! Bennie and the Jets!!!” Ugh. It makes me start to twitch. Each “Bennie!” is like someone is poking me in the shoulder and I really just want them to stop but they are sitting there with these stupid novelty glasses on just poking me and poking me.

It’s nothing against Elton John. He has some fine songs. Very fine songs. And some very nice novelty glasses.

Side Note: I'm slowly redesigning this site. I'm treading carefully into the waters of HTML. So bear with me as I get the hang of it.

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

In honor of the day, here's Liz Phair singing her song "Cinco de Mayo" back in 1994 on 120 Minutes.

MTV used to be so cool.



I'm not gonna lie. It's not a very good performance. I think she was still suffering from her massive stage fright at this time. There's another clip of her performing this song on Youtube from this year that looks much better. But the sound quality isn't that great.

Stone Arch Bridge Festival

It's official! I'm playing the Stone Arch Bridge Festival on Sunday, June 19th at 4:15pm on the City Pages stage. I'm super excited for this for many reasons. One being: I've never performed outside before! Here's hoping for a beautiful summer day.

Full line up can be found here.

30 Days of Music. Day 1: Your Favorite Song

I’ve been seeing this 30 Days of Music thing popping up in a lot of places so I thought, hey! I have a blog! I can do this, too! So here I am. Doing it.

Day 1: Your Favorite Song

Already, I’m stumped. I can’t choose my favorite song. It changes so often. If I were to pick my favorite song of the moment, it would be “Terrible Love” by The National. But, in the past, that could have been a number of different tunes. I used to claim “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen as my ultimate favorite. And I do love that song. But I kind of ruined it by calling it my “funeral song”, so I never listen to it anymore because it just depresses me.

I feel like my Favorite Song should go deeper than current hits by my current favorite band. I started thinking of songs that have true meaning to me. I started to think of songs like “You Are My Sunshine” and “Amazing Grace” or “Love Me Tender”. And, so, going with that train of thought, I ended on this:



This song has been around long long long before I was born. It has been a part of my entire life. I love the movie. I love the song. I remember singing it as a little girl with my mother and my sister. The whole movie just brings such wonderfully precious memories to me and this song is a big part of that.

This song is about hope – and right now I need that kind of inspiration, so it’s also fitting for my current mood.

I also love Judy Garland, and I can’t even tell you why. She’s always been someone who I feel this strange connection to, even though she was long dead before I was born. Her story is so sad, yet she brought so much joy to so many people, including me. It’s a strange life to live.

Osama In Obamaland

This song has been in my head since the news last night.