Dream Log #14

I sleep with a pillow wrapped around my ears to make it as silent as possible when I sleep. I've come to the conclusion that I've now Pavlov dogged my way to thinking pillow over my head means sleep. I cannot sleep unless I do this. 

Onto my dream...

I don't remember the whole set up of the dream. Just that I was in water. A pool. With a woman. And she kept trying to get me to do different tricks in the water and I was getting tired. And then she told me to do the thing where you play dead in the water by floating lifeless on your stomach. So I did. But I started to sink to the bottom and could not move. It was like those dreams where you try to scream but nothing comes out. I was paralyzed at the bottom, floating lifeless. And then suddenly I couldn't breathe. I started to feel like I was suffocating.

Then I woke up. And I'm pretty sure the pillow that was over my ears had found its way over my mouth and nose as I had rolled on my back in my sleep.

I think I was actually suffocating.

So creepy.

There was an additional dream I had last night where a bruise on my abdomen peeled off of my stomach without me touching it and fell into the bathroom sink. It looked like a piece of steak. The bruised side looked like a cooked filet of meat and the underside looked like the inside. The part of my stomach that it fell from looked perfectly fine, with just an outline scar of where it was.

It didn't hurt. But I was scared and panicky, but too embarrassed to tell anyone.

It was disgusting.

And also creepy.

Let Go Of Your Weather Balloon

Been feeling a little melancholy these past couple of days. I could probably blame it on this sudden change in weather. And I will as I am generally pretty happy these days. More so than I have been in a long time. So that's nice. It's been raining on and off this week and it hasn't done that in a while, so I'm sure that's all it is.

But I've been thinking back on such random things like past pieces of clothing that I owned and miss and wish I still possessed. So silly to long for clothing of days gone by, but I liked those clothes.

I've been having dreams upon dreams upon dreams lately, too. Every night just massive amounts of one dream to the next - and they are never all that interesting. Just random happenings filled with random people that I haven't spoken to in a long time. I'm sure that's adding to the melancholy.

I also haven't seen (or spoken) to my dad in a while and that just heaps on the guilt. I finally got a hold of him last night and sat on the phone for about 5 minutes, neither of us with anything to say. But he's difficult to chat with on the phone, so that's nothing new.

But, overall, things are on the up side lately and that makes everything a little easier.

I'm looking forward to a fun week next week filled with live music nearly every night, including a show of my own on Wednesday.

Busy times ahead over the next couple of months. This weekend I'll look to relax before the craziness begins.

For now, I'll leave you with this song. It's another one of those songs that, beyond just being a beautiful song, completely bowls me over. Like, I can't do anything while it plays. I don't know why or what makes it so different than other beautiful songs. But it just has that thing.

Dream Log #13

I was at an Ani Difranco show. I was sitting to the side of the stage, sort of backstage. It was an outdoor show.

She sounded great and I got super excited when she played a song she hadn't performed in years, "Promised Land". Even though it's not one of my favorites, it's always nice to hear something different.

But then, she started to play a new song, a song she said she just wrote. I leaned in to listen, and was struck by the familiarity of the opening chords. It sounded just like one of my songs! I shrugged it off as the chords are just A and Dm and nothing too crazy there.

But then the rest of the instruments joined in just like they do on my song and then she started singing my words and - though part of me was hugely flattered that one of my favorite musicians liked my song enough to steal it - the other part of me was horribly offended. I couldn't believe she was saying it was hers! And where did she get it? It hasn't been released yet!

Post show, I walked over to where she was signing some albums. I said "I know that song isn't yours." She looked at me and said she didn't know what I was talking about. I said, "That's my song you're passing off as your own." She said started to back away and said, once again, she didn't know what I was talking about and then ran off backstage.

And then I woke up.

Dream Log #12

I woke up this morning to a landscape completely covered in snow and ice, which reminded me of the dream I had on Monday night. It was terrifying.

I was driving back from somewhere and the weather was bad. It snowing heavily. People had told me not to leave wherever I was at, but I didn’t think it was going to be as bad as it was.

I was rounding a corner and there were other cars on around me. The corner was huge – almost U shaped – and bent around the side of a cliff. On the other side was a guard rail and on the other side of that: water.

It was pitch black. I couldn’t see anything. I was trying to desperately to find the lanes on the road. As I was coming around the corner, I thought I saw where I was supposed to be. I tried to adjust and the car I was driving started to slip, then it skidded all the way across the lanes of traffic and ended up sort of hanging off the side of the road. I was screaming and my heart was pounding. I managed to get out of the car without a scratch on me.

As I got out of the car, I looked up and saw two SUVs skid exactly where I had, except they weren’t so lucky. One skidded and flipped up against the side of a cliff and exploded. The other skidded right off the side of the road and into the water below.

I ran to the first house I could find and asked to use their phone. As I was trying to contact my husband, I looked out the window and saw that the police and tow trucks and ambulances had arrived. I hung up the phone and went outside just as two teenage boys were rocking my car up and down until it finally fell off the side of the road.

I ran up to the police and asked how they could have let that happen. They said they didn’t notice and I shouldn’t have abandoned the car anyway. I ran down a trail that led to the water and found my car just floating there. I was desperate to get my things out of the car – mainly my iPhone. I leaned off the dock and tried to reach inside…

Then I woke up. 

P.S. I'd also like to give a Happy Birthday shout to my husband! He only gets one of these every four years...so, Happy Birthday!

P.P.S. Also, in honor of this snowy Minnesota Leap Day, I am offering up my song "Minnesota" for free today via Bandcamp. You can get it here.

I Guess It's Just The Way It Goes

Positivity must be difficult on the body because at the close of the first month of my year of positivity, I find myself with another cold. For the second time. In just one month.

Fucking ridiculous.

It came out of nowhere, as I guess colds do. I felt fine all day yesterday and then suddenly around 4:00 I started to feel like I was dragging a bit and now here I am: miserable.

I called into work today. I've officially been on the job for one week and I'm already calling in. I hate that.

I'm due to record some vocals on Saturday for the new album, but as of right now, I don't think I'll be singing.

I'm also supposed to perform at a friend's art opening on Friday. Not sure about that either.

Very annoyed.

And now I'm stuck at home with no car and no food besides ingredients for tacos that I just don't have the energy or the desire to prepare.

I just want a big bowl of potato or cheese and broccoli soup followed by a big bowl of ice cream.

Why don't places deliver that stuff? Think of how many people get sick all the time and can't leave the house. I would pay so much money for that to show up at my door right now.

Lame.

All I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch movies, like The Day After Tomorrow. I feel like I need to watch that one because last night I had a dream about the end of the world and with it being 2012 and all, I need some assurance that I could possibly survive the end of the world. Not that I would want to. In fact, in my dream, after running for what seemed like forever, I chose to jump into the lava that was rising and rising from the earth.

It was creepy.

And not very positive.

Dream Log #11

Back story: Yesterday I got home from work and noticed a small bruise on my face. I have no idea how it got there. I think this is where the crazy dream came from.

I was getting ready to go out. I noticed the bruise on my face. My husband and I were really looking forward to the party we were planning to attend. I didn't worry about the bruise too much, but still thought I should try to cover it with make-up. As I was applying the foundation, I noticed a ridge on my face running from the bottom of my eye to my chin. It almost looked like a fish gill. It was only noticeable close up. I applied more make-up, and after freaking out for a bit, decided not to let it get to me. It was just a party with friends, after all.

I finished with the make-up, went to get dressed, and went back to the bathroom to doublecheck my hair. I gasped. On my face, running from the outer corner of my eye to my nostrils was a huge gash. If I pushed on it, you could see the muscle underneath. I screamed and cried for my Husband. He repeated, "It's not that bad. It's not that bad." But it was, it really was.

I cried for a while. Then pulled myself together, put some gauze and a bandage over the gash, reapplied some make-up over the rest of the facial issues, threw on some large sunglasses (which helped to cover the gash), and went to the party.

Dream Log #10

It started with the husband and I lying on blow up rafts in the middle of a lake. We started floating back to shore, between boats, just drifting. We decided to visit a friend who lived on the lake.

As we headed to their house, we discussed seeing him again. When we opened the door, there was Murray and our...cat. Yes, in this dream we had also owned a cat. It seems we had given them both up because they had become too old for us to care for. But there they were. Perfectly fine. Wandering around the living room. I sat down and Murray greeted me as if I was a stranger. He was kind, but distant. I started to pet him as he walked away, running my hand down his spine. I then said "hey Pumpkin. How's my little Pumpkin Pie?" (those were my nicknames for him)

He immediately turned around and pounced on me, licking my face and giving me his little nibble kisses (sometimes he would get over excited and instead of licking, he would nip at me). I could feel his little teeth. It was so real. He was so happy. I was so happy.

I looked to Matt, who was holding our cat (?) and we both started to tear up. We decided it would be best to go.

As we headed out the door, Murray followed us out, his leash attached to his collar. We looked to our random friend and said, I guess he's coming home with us. So we took Murray and our cat and headed for the door.

Suddenly we were pulled up in front of a house. We were sitting in the front of a truck packed with all of our belongings. We went inside and started to get settled into our new place. The cat wandered around, investigating.

We slept on the hard floor that night. The next day we made breakfast and it hit me that Murray wasn't in the house. We had left him in the truck all night. I can't even begin to describe the agony this gave me in this dream. I started crying and ran out to the truck to get him and brought him inside.

He followed the cat around the house and seemed to ignore us.

I laid on the floor and looked down the hall at him. He stared back at me. I said, "come here babydog". His tail wagged, he gave me one of his Murray smiles, and he started to trot towards me but slipped on the hardwood floors (just like he always used to do). But unlike before, he popped right back up and ran down the hall towards me. He stood over me and gave me a million kisses. He was so happy. I was so happy.

I started to wake up at this point. I tried desperately not to. As I did wake up, I could feel him. I felt a weight on my back. I was trying to roll over, but it was like something was holding me down. I laid there for a little while longer trying to capture that moment with him again. But it was gone.

Dream Log #9

I’ve been having the strangest dreams lately. Very vivid. Very stressful. All of them. Filled with stress. For example on Sunday night I dreamt:

I was getting ready for work in the morning. My husband had left for work on his bike so he was out of communication and I was home alone. I was in the bathroom doing my hair or whatever when I looked down and I saw a crack in one of the bathroom tiles. My heart sunk. Dammit. Now I have to deal with getting this fixed. Oh, well. At least it’s just the bathroom and just one tile. I can deal with it.

I continued with my morning routine and went back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. I stepped on the floor and the broken tile and grown to a large crack running down the middle of the room. The floor had separated and you could see the icky old linoleum we used to have underneath.

I started to panic. Thought about calling the husband, but remembered he was on his bike. Panicked alone for a while, but finally calmed down – reassuring myself that it was just the bathroom floor and it’s not the end of the world and I can deal with this.

I go to leave the bathroom and the crack has spread to the hallway. Now there is a big hole in the floor outside of the bathroom. You can see straight down to the basement. Once again, I start to hyperventilate. How the hell do you fix this? I don’t even know where to begin.

I’m now in full on panic mode. One thought I remember having in the dream is that, well, at least Murray isn’t here. This hole in the floor would be so dangerous for him.

And then, I start to calm down again. Still reassuring myself that I can deal with this. It’s not the end of the world. I will get through this.

I leave the hall to go find my phone to call a repairman. I enter the dining area of the house and look up. The walls and ceiling all have big water bubbles everywhere looking like they are ready to burst.

I begin to panic again.

Then I woke up.

Dream Log #8

I was at a place like Applebees or TGIFriday or something equally as bad. I was having lunch while waiting for my husband to pick me up. There was a group of girls in the corner being very loud. The speaker overhead was playing “Bridge Over Troubled Water”…and that’s when I saw him. Art Garfunkel sitting at a table across from me, singing along to the song.

I was shocked and couldn’t even fathom why he would be there. I pulled out my iPhone to say something about it on Facebook, but there was a really bright light above me and I couldn’t see the screen.

So I just tried to play it cool.

A little while passed and then “Cecilia” started playing. I took a glance back at Art and suddenly Paul Simon was sitting there, too. They were both singing and smiling and looking right at me. I once again pulled out my iPhone, but I still couldn’t see anything. I was so frustrated. How often does something like this happen?

For whatever reason, I went outside and Matt was there to pick me up. We headed to the airport and I updated my status on Facebook to something about going to the airport. We get there and I suddenly remembered I wanted to post about the Simon and Garfunkel reunion I just witnessed.

But the light was too bright and I couldn’t see my screen.

Then I woke up.

Dream Log #7

I had this super crazy/scary dream the other night. So scary that I’ve been trying to put it out of my mind. Even on the bus ride in the next day, when I remembered it, I had to close my eyes really tight and force myself to think about something else.

Surprisingly, it was not about zombies. It wasn’t a horror dream. It was just very bizarre.

My husband and I were sitting out in the backyard enjoying a picnic. The sun was shining bright. The sky was super blue. There was not a cloud to be seen. It was perfect outside.

Then I noticed the sun seemed extra large. In the dream, I was aware that the sun was way too big, but thought it was normal and that I was just over thinking things.



Then it started to change shape and…melt…almost. I commented to my husband that the sun resembled an omelette, it had that shape. At this point, the sun was as large as our house and looming overhead. We both thought it was very strange.

And then, it disappeared for a split second. The sky went dark. The stars sparkled. My heart just about stopped. But it came right back, just as big as before. We both just looked at each other.

Then it happened it again. But this time it shrunk really fast and then *poof*. Gone. The sky went dark again. The stars shined bright. We began to freak out.

We ran to the front door and noticed that the Northern Lights were out. They were extremely vivid and pulsating.

We went inside and decided to check the internet. My husband commented on what a nice day it had been. I calmly replied, “That was the last time we will ever see the sun again.”

A million thoughts raced through my mind at this point. Will we survive? What will happen? Is the world ending?

And then the news broke in on the television. It was a scam. And just like that, the sun came back. Some company created a huge hoax as a marketing ploy. How? I don’t know. Who? I don’t know. Because I woke up.

So, it’s not like someone was trying to kill me or I was drowning or anything like that. But, I have never been more terrified in my life or in a dream than I was in this one. And on the bus the next morning while the sun was shining bright and it was a beautiful day, I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if it just disappeared.

It still freaks me out.

Dream Log #6

I wrote a book in my dream last night. Well, I didn't complete it, but I started it. It had a beginning and I knew how I wanted it to end. It had a cast of characters and I had written vivid descriptions of each of them - 10 total. I was super excited and couldn't believe how easily it was coming together. The plot had something to do with a plane crash. I remember being concerned that people would compare it to Lost, but there was nothing supernatural about it.

I woke up in the middle of the night and thought, wow, I should write all that down. At that moment, I still remembered all the details. But, of course, I just went back to sleep and woke up this morning with just the recollection of the dream, but not all the details.

I remember an interview with Paul McCartney where he said he wrote "Yesterday" after dreaming the melody. Maybe when these dreams happen, I need to get up immediately while it is still fresh and transcribe them. Maybe my own "Yesterday" is hidden deep in my subconscious somewhere.

Dream Log #5

Last night I dreamt I got a gig at the Fitzgerald Theater. It was about half the size it actually is, but still, a pretty large place for me to headline.

I was nervous with anticipation, but oddly confident. The crowd was filled with a lot of friends, but even more unfamiliar faces.

The announcer welcomed me to the stage and it occurred to me I hadn't done a soundcheck. I walked out on stage with my guitar and up to the microphone and the mic stand kept falling over. Every time I would approach it, it would move. I kept looking to the sound guy and he just kept saying "deal with it". Over and over again I tried to sing and each time the stand would begin to sway or fall over or move away from me.

The sound guy said it might work better if he placed me somewhere else. So he moved me up to the side of the stage on a landing. There was a big chandelier blocking my view of the audience and their view of me. I was disappointed, but I thought I would try to play on.

I kept a smile on my face and made jokes about it, but eventually had to leave the stage. It just wasn't working. The announcer brought out another band to take my place while they figured out what was wrong. Amazingly, the mic stand stayed put for them. I was so confused. I hung out backstage with different friends and family members approaching me asking me if I was ever going to play.

Then I woke up.

Dream Log #4

Last night I had a dream about my grandmother. Except, it wasn't just about her. She just made an appearance. Most of the dream was about vampires. And Lost. Either way, it was one of those dreams where you really felt you were being visited by a lost one. That she had made an effort to come to me in a dream.

I was at the State Fair. I had blonde curly hair. I was waiting in line in the bathrooms. The bathrooms were disgusting. We're talking shit on the seat kind of disgusting. I stood on the toilet seat so I wouldn't have to sit. Then I heard a commotion. As I washed my hands, I overheard something about people being attacked. I attempted to go outside but a security guard stopped me and told me I shouldn't go outside. There are vampires. They are attacking only blondes. I ran anyway. I looked up. There were vampires. Three of them. Flying around like very large bats.

I made it to the restaurant area and inside was my maternal grandmother. Grandma Ann. She was with my cousins and uncles. I sat down next to her and she said something I can't quite remember. Although I do remember feeling incredibly guilty. Something about how I never cared or didn't visit her enough. She was very frail.

Then someone, I don't remember who, said we had to get to Annie. Annie is my niece who is going through some bad things right now. We found a car and headed out onto the road which ran along a beach. I looked up and the plane crash from Lost was happening. The tail end was splitting from the front and then it crashed on the beach next to us.

We kept driving.

We made it to Annie. It was me, my sister Missy, my sister Kathy, and my other niece Kimi.

We played cards.

Another Zombie Dream (Dream Log #3)

Last night I had another dream that zombies were after me. This is the second one in about 2 weeks. So I had to look it up to see what it meant.

Most interpretations seem to be about me being the zombie, which is not the case. In both dreams, I was being chased by them. The first time I was in a farm house with friends. The second time, I was with family - but the family wasn't my family and we were on the run, Jumping trains and climbing up buildings and hiding in holes in the ground.

But in the ones I can find about being chased by zombies they say it represents a fear that everything I know could be sucked out from me in an instant. Since zombies are technically slow (sorry 28 Days Later), that means it is something that I can easily change.

It could also just be my body using my sleep to rid itself of toxins and worry. These things are represented by the zombies.

Or, I could just think zombies are pretty cool.

In each dream, I have managed not to be bitten. So that's something.

Time to analyze this.

Dream Log #2

Last night I dreamt zombies were after me. I lived in a house with several people and they started swarming the yard and then attacking the house. They would push the house so hard that the walls would fold in. All we could do was push back to keep the walls down.

It was terrifying.

Dream Log #1

Last night I dreamt that Rihanna wanted to kill me so I was placed in a witness protection program.