On Boston And People

It’s always amazing to me, after a tragedy like what happened in Boston yesterday, how quickly one’s life can be forever changed. Things just happen and there is nothing you can do to stop it. People were going to run a marathon and people were going to watch them do it and cheer them on and then that happens and your life is changed. Even if you survived. Even if you were completely unharmed – you’ve now got this story to tell. You were there. You saw it. You know what is sounded like. You know what the smell was in the air. And it probably changed you in some way. However small or big. Whether a certain smell or sight will bring you back to that moment, or whether you are now walking on prosthetics.

I just don’t understand and can never understand why these things happen – and I guess that’s a good thing. I don’t want to understand why someone would do this. I don’t want to have that mindset. When something awful like this happens, my first thought is not to wish for revenge…but to at first feel great sadness, then my heart swells to a thousand times bigger watching rescuers and other civilians helping and people sending thoughts and wishing love on everyone…and then I feel so grateful that I am okay and my loved ones are okay for today.

I do get scared. I went to the theater to see The Hobbit back in December. It was the first time I had been in a theater since the Aurora shootings and, I admit, my eyes darted towards the exit doors every few minutes. I think about these things happening in any super crowded setting I am in. I even worry about disgruntled co-workers.

But, I am a natural worrier. It is what I do.

I try not to be scared, though. I try to make an effort. I still do things and I still will. I’m not going to become a shut-in or anything (although sometimes that lifestyle sounds incredibly appealing – though how do they live financially?).

Yesterday, I was feeling incredibly blue. Another one of those “what is wrong with the world today???” moments. There seems to be so many of those lately. And then I got home from work – a little later than normal due to a work commitment – and my husband had already been home and was off walking Robbie. I went out to the check the mail and saw them heading down the road towards the house. I watched them and my heart swelled again. And then my dog – from halfway down the block – picked up his pace and by the time he was near our house, he was pulling and leaping towards me. He looked so happy. And I had to fight back tears because I was so happy.  Because I have them. And I was so happy to see them. And they were so happy to see me.

And these are the people (and animals) in the world. These are the good ones. And they outnumber the bad. And it's important to remember that. And as Mr. Rogers’ said:

Yes We Did...Again!

Today is a great day.

I am so in love with this country and so proud to be a Minnesotan right now.

There was so much awesome that came out of this election – I don’t even know where to begin.

From Obama to the Marriage and Voter ID Amendments in Minnesota to Maryland and Maine and Washington and marriage equality. To McCaskill and both Tammys (Baldwin and Duckworth). To Elizabeth Warren and all the other women Senators…

I am just to in awe of my country.

Today is a great day.

And, hey, you can even smoke pot in Colorado and Washington. 

But to bring it back home...thanks, Minnesota, for being awesome. My song "Minnesota" is now free to download today and forever.

 

Today is a great day.

Election Day

I want to get this post in now, as some of the polls in the East are just starting to close, to say that I LOVE VOTING. I don't know how anyone cannot vote. I colored in those circles today with a giant smile on my face. I am excited. I feel empowered. I feel united as a country - even though we don't all agree on the same things.

I hope with all of my heart that my beautiful state of Minnesota votes NO on two very important issues: The Marriage Amendment and Voter ID. I hope this happens.

I hope the country stays with President Obama and allows him the time they allowed W. Bush to get things done. I hope this happens.

I hope things go this way. But if they don't, at least I know I tried. I voted. My voice was heard.

Truth is, though, if it doesn't, I will be very angry and upset because Mitt Romney scares the crap out of me.

I hope you voted, too.

2012

Happy New Year! 2012 is here. 2011 is just a really bad memory. Time to move on and stay positive.

I admit I was sad about being sick on New Years and not being able to go out and celebrate. But the Husband and I stayed in and played video games (we beat Zelda: Ocarina of Time and started Zelda: The Wind Waker), had a nice dinner, and I still managed to stay up until midnight even though I was feeling very feverish and gross.

But this morning I woke up and discovered a container full of these rolo/pretzel treats that I love on my doorstep. A friend of mine dropped them off this morning. It was so sweet and thoughtful and just really started this year off right. This is what I mean when I say I want to be a better friend to my friends. Because I have some really amazing people in my life and nothing feels better than to know that someone was thinking of you. And I want my friends to know how much they mean to me.

So, once again, Happy New Year!

Christmas Day, or The Day I Sit And Wait For The World To Return

There really isn't much to do during Christmas. Especially if you and your family all live in close proximity to each other. There is no travel required. Just a quick drive down the road for dinner and presents and maybe a game and then back home where you sit and wait for something to open, for people to return back to life. For store hours to be regular. For the internet to get back to its snarky self.

Last night The Husband and I broke out Zelda: The Ocarina of Time (otherwise known as the greatest game ever) and played that for many hours. Because what else is there to do? And it was fun. And I can't wait to get home tonight after family gathering #2 and play some more. And while playing, I discovered this crazy site that has every last detail about every single Zelda game all laid out in an easy-to-use website. It turns out people have a lot of time on their hands. And I thank them for that. It's what makes the internet great.

Now, all I want for Christmas is a tuna salad bagel from Brueggers. But, of course, Brueggers is not open on Christmas day. So I'll have to wait until tomorrow. #firstworldproblems

I uploaded a free track to my bandcamp page. It's a live version of an unreleased song called "Easy to Blame", recorded at the Fine Line Music Cafe on November 30th. It's a part of that live set that I was considering releasing but wasn't sure about the legality of it. But one song can't hurt, right? So here it is:

Happy Holidays!

And So It Begins

The Christmas weekend is here. I should probably get my shopping done. Then when the next person asks me if I have my Christmas shopping done I can finally say yes. I've lost count on how many times I've been asked that question these last few weeks. Well, ever since Thanksgiving, really. I can't wait until it goes away. I suppose I should consider myself fortunate to not have 50 people to shop for. Some people who ask me this question then rattle off how much they have left and I just want to find a hole and crawl into on their behalf. Why do we do this to ourselves? My family and my husband's family have both decided to simplify things. I have to buy 3 gifts this year. All with a dollar limit. A very low dollar limit. I can't imagine having to shop for a whole herd of folks who I barely know. I know this makes me sound scroogy, but why give people more junk they don't want/need? I say it every year, but either I can go out and spend $20 on something that I really want or need or I can spend $20 on some kitchen towels or picture frames for some relative that I only see one day a year that they probably won't like/won't use and will just sit in a closet somewhere. Then, in return, I get a Christmas tree ornament for a tree I don't have and we all call it a day and go back to our homes where we won't see each other for another year.

Bah-humbug, right? I know.

I'm just not feeling very festive this year. My holiday festiveness has been waning for the last few years and this year I think it finally fully disappeared. I like to see my family, but it's always so chaotic that I never really get to talk to anyone anyway. I'm not a religious person, so it has no significance for me there. I don't eat meat so I usually get no food out of the deal. And the whole gift exchange is lost on me. I find it pointless, as I've said.

Murray really liked the gift exchange part, though.

But, it's what we do as people, right? We do this. These traditions. And we smile and sometimes we even have fun. I just wish I could convince my family to forgo most of these traditions and let's just all get together and bring some fancy cheese and crackers and some wine, or apple cider for the non-drinkers, and sit and visit. No big meal with all of those dishes (god, that just gives me so much anxiety). No gift exchange. No games. Let's just all hang out. Together.

But that will never fly.

So instead we'll get together and bring all this food and exchange gifts and it will be loud and chaotic and I will come super close to having an anxiety attack and then I will go home, exhausted and hungry and that will be it for the year. 2011 will finally be over.

So happy holidays, everyone. At the very least, we get videos like this and this makes me smile at the same time as making me really really miss my dog. But that's just par for the course around these parts these days.

103

Today, the temperature is the hottest it's been in 23 years. 103 is the recorded high for today, but my car said 102 degrees:

23 years is a really long time. We're talking 1988. People who are legally able to drink alcohol today weren't even born yet. That's crazy.

And that makes me old.

On this day in 1988, I was a couple of months shy of my 9th birthday and just leaving the 3rd grade.

I lived in Waconia, MN in a 3rd floor tiny apartment with my dad across the street from the elementary school I attended. My mom had died 2.5 years prior. Dad worked a lot. I fended for myself a lot. This meant I skipped school a lot. That was my 8 year old life.

I loved watching Lassie and Mr. Ed on Nickelodeon. I was about a year away from discovering New Kids on the Block. I loved Michael Jackson's Bad album and Weird Al's parody, Even Worse. I'm fairly certain I had this poster on my bedroom wall:

And I didn't even like Kirk Cameron.

I remember my 9th birthday party. I had a sleepover with about 5 girls from school. I vaguely remember sitting with the lights off with something that glowed in the dark. I want to say it was a hula hoop, but that seems weird.

Bush Sr. was the VP and won the Presidential election later that year.

Celebrities born in 1988:

Haley Joel Osment - April 10th

Adele - May 5th

Princess Beatrice - August 8th

Top 5 singles of 1988:

"Faith" - George Michael

"Need You Tonight" - INXS

"Got My Mind Set On You" - George Harrison

"Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley

"Sweet Child O' Mine" - Guns N' Roses

Rain Man was the top grossing film of the year and also won the Oscar.

23 years ago. I don't even feel like I've been around for 23 years yet. How is that possible?

23 years from now it will 2034. I will be 54. 54!!!

How will I look back on this year?

Happy Rapture Day!

Osama In Obamaland

This song has been in my head since the news last night.

Japan

I had planned to write a post today about the difference in viewing Little House on the Prairie as an adult versus as a child, but the news of the earthquake and tsunami that have hit Japan and other Pacific coastal regions has left me feeling numb – and not in the mood to write a quirky post about the Ingalls’ clan. That will have to wait.

The video footage of the tsunami that I have been viewing today is unreal. I have never seen anything like it and my mind cannot even begin to wrap around what is going on in the minds of the people of Japan who are seeing it up close.

My heart goes out to you all.

Get Out Your Tinfoil

I am officially disturbed by all the dead birds and dead fish turning up. I am incredibly gullible and I love conspiracies and myths and all that nonsense. Doesn’t it seem strange that birds started falling from the sky after the New Year when we are just one year away from 2012, the supposed end of times? How freaky is that! Should I start stock piling and digging my underground bunker?

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/blog-post/2011/01/dead_birds_dead_fish_turn_up_a.html

Thoughts For Haiti

Yesterday a massive 7.3 magnitude earthquake hit the country of Haiti, toppeling most of its capital Port-au-Prince. As a country that suffers with as many problems as it does already, this sort of disaster is especially troubling.

If you can, please donate even $5 to any of the Haiti relief organizations. You skipping Starbucks for one day can make a huge difference in the lives of your fellow humans.

Happy New Year!

Goodbye, 2009. I'm not quite sure how I will remember you. I did turn 30 this year (or should I say last year?) So that was pretty epic. The summer was spent struggling financially due to my husband being laid off, but I also had a lot of fun over the summer. I went to a lot of shows, it was my birthday, Rock the Garden, the State Fair, bike rides....

I look forward to this upcoming year. I'm hoping to get my teeth fixed, I'm hoping to go back to school, work is going very well.

I don't want to jinx it so I will leave it at that.

Have a great year, Everybody!

Pandemic Pandemonium

Here we go again. Another pandemic that is going to take out the world. I think this happens every couple of years. West Nile Virus, SARS, Avian Flu, peanut butter, and now....Swine Flu. Everybody panic. Stock up on duct tape and water. Don't kiss any pigs. Especially ones in Mexico. Everybody is going to die.

Why do we keep freaking out about these things?

You know what? If everyone dies, everyone dies. What are you going to do about it? Nothing. Know why? Because you'll be dead.

I'm still trying to figure out why this particular strain of flu is anymore deadly than the flu that kills 700-800 people each year in just the state of Minnesota (where I am from ) alone. Nationally, influenza kills 36,000 people a year. Holy shit! That number is huge! I mean that with all seriousness. We should really be panicking every year, right? Or, at the very least, washing our hands. Is it just me, or is it crazy that the adults in this country need to be reminded by Big Poppa Government to Wash Your Hands?

This particular strain is treatable. Take care of yourself, rest, take some meds, you'll be fine. The only known death in the US from the pig flu is of a toddler. Sad, yes. But, typical. That is usually the case with the flu. Kids, the elderly, and the already sick are harmed the most.

Yes, there have been over 100 deaths in Mexico. But, no one really knows if the pork flu is the real killer here. I'm certain people die all the time in Mexico. And, no offense to Mexico, but it's not exactly known as the cleanliest place on Earth. I mean, you're not even supposed to drink the water there, right?

My husband brought up the point last night that most of America is pretty stupid and that this flu will cause the country to dip deeper into it's already cavernous depression. People won't leave the house to run to Target or attend baseball games or Bruce Springsteen shows out of fear of catching the flu. But, I gotta say, I just don't see it. For one, I don't see our country ever hitting the depression lows of 1929. People like to buy things and it is so easy for them to do so. Kids still want and there is so much more to want for. And, you don't have to leave the house to shop anymore. That's what the internet is for. The world is a very different place than it was 80 years ago. I just don't see it happening.

I also don't see us suffering from any great plague either. We are certainly a more evolved and medically inclined world than the world of the 1600s.

But, then again, everyone swore the Titanic was unsinkable, so maybe I'm buying into the idea that our modern culture is more powerful than nature and that idea will surely doom us all.

But can you really picture the whole of America, minus the celebrities in the Hollywood hills and the Bush family, living in shanties surviving on one slice of ham a day? Wait. Not ham. People won't eat ham because they all think that's where this swine flu comes from. Some other form of meat. Can you really see that? I mean, we have Ramen Noodles now! They're like 10 cents a pack and they last forever and they don't taste that bad. Ramen will keep this country alive forever. But, just don't buy the pork flavored.

So, tonight, Obama is going to go on TV to discuss his first 100 days in office and to also rub the backs and wipe the hysterical tears of his nation and tell them, "Don't worry. It will be alright. Everything is going to be just fine. You can still eat your bacon and you can still snort your cocaine. Just remember to wash your hands, kids, before digging into that pork chop. Do onto others as you would have done to you. Look, look at the shiny keys! You're all good boys and girls, aren't you? Okay, everything better now? Here's a band aid and a lollipop. Now get to work."

I Just Don't Get It

As much as I try to not read about "OctoMom" and her various litters, she is difficult to escape. The more I read about her, the more frustrated I get.

You see, I didn't grow up in the most wonderful conditions. My mom died when I was six and my dad raised me all alone. Since he worked a lot, I was left home alone quite a bit. I got myself ready for school and a I brought myself home. We lived with my grandparents for the first year following my mom's death. Then I had a daycare provider for another 6 months to a year, but was taken out of there after some scandal with the woman's son. I then stayed with the elderly landlord of the apartment building we lived in. But that only lasted about another 6 months. After that, I was by myself.

I took care of myself, but I will admit, I did take advantage of my parentless solitude. I skipped school. A lot. I got through 1st and 2nd grade okay. But by 3rd, I just decided I would much rather be at home watching Nickolodeon. So, I stayed home. Or I left school early. It didn't help that we lived right across the street from the elementary school I attended.

This pattern continued all through my school years. Every new school year I would enter school with a new hope. I would go everyday and get good grades and just be an awesome student. But by December, my ideals would change. I was still getting good grades. I was a straight A student when I attended. I just didn't want to go. I liked learning. I'm an intelligent person. I just didn't want to go to school.

Eventually, social services was brought in. A woman named Joy was given my case. She went after my dad full speed. She assumed he must abuse me. Why else would I not go to school? She went on and on about how my dad and I were too close and wanted nothing more than to keep us apart. One day when she called my dad at work about me missing school, he went off on her on the phone. She called the cops and had them show up at work and take him away in handcuffs for making terroristic threats. I had to bike the 8 miles to the jail with his checkbook in hand to bail him out. I was in and out of court for my truancy all through junior high.

We moved to a new town the summer before my freshman year. I started September off with the same promise I always made to myself: I will go to school everyday. But, as usual, December rolled around and I had already missed a lot of school. The only difference is, this time I had a guidance counselor who saw my potential and wouldn't let up. He called social services.

Once again, Joy was in our lives.

She had me pulled out of school and sent to a group home over an hour away. The kicker: I spent 2 weeks in that group home and never attended school. How the hell does that make any sense? I spent my days watching daytime television and reading Stephen King novels. She made it a rule that I was not allowed to speak to my father. For two weeks I couldn't talk to him. They had pulled me out of school against my will and without him knowing and drove me over an hour away and dropped me off and did not let me speak to him once. About a week in, they let me talk to one of my older sisters. All because I didn't go to school everyday.

My dad fought this and won (surprisingly) and I was brought back home. I still didn't go to school everyday.

They threatened to send me back, but my sister-in-law stepped in. She had taken in foster kids before and had an 'in' with the local courts. She asked them to let me live with her and my brother instead of sending me away. The courts agreed. So, the final 6 weeks of my freshman year of high school, I moved to another town and started another school.

I still didn't go. But no one noticed this time.

By the next fall, I was back with my dad. I decided that regular high school just didn't work for me. A friend of mine attended an alternative school. I thought maybe I should enroll there. So I went to enroll...and got arrested.

The cop that patrolled the school was good friends with my social services counselor. He knew of me as a "truant" and decided to take me in. Yes, I was arrested for not attending school while I was enrolling for school. How the hell does that make sense? I was taken to the county jail and placed in a solitary holding cell for 3 hours (I had just turned 15). My dad had to leave work and attend my hearing that afternoon. In the end, they sent me home with him.

After speaking to my counselors at my original high school, they placed me in their alternative program. I completed the necessary credits for graduation in a year and a half and I was done. The whole mess was done.

So what does this have to do with OctoMom?

I just don't get how a woman with 14 children who she openly admits to not being able to care for, who she does not have the money to raise because she doesn't work, who will soon not have a house to live in....how have social services not stepped in and taken these kids away???? How is she going to afford to feed all of them? How will she afford their health care? I was repeatedly yanked from my home for not attending school on a regular basis. I was arrested for this! My dad was arrested for this! Even though I still passed every year and managed to get good grades.

My dad kept me clothed, fed, and healthy. Yet I was repeatedly taken from his care.

This woman has 14 kids and absolutely no way to take care of them. Why isn't anyone stepping in? Has society become so scared that the courts fear a law suit if they are taken away? If I can get taken away for only going to school 3 out 5 days a week, how come these kids are going to be allowed to stay in such an unhealthy, unstable environment?

It just makes no sense.

My Country Tis of Thee

It's been a while and I just have this to say:

Oh, what a beautiful day!!!

Obama is President! Bush is gone! Hallelujah

Sinking in

I think it's really just starting to sink in that Obama won. I was just finally able to watch his press conference today and I was so pleased for so many reasons. One, that he came out with this presidential air. You can't deny his presence and that does matter. When he begins to meet with other leaders, this will be a big factor after 8 years of Bush. Two, that he had plans and was ready to discuss them. He is so obviously ready to start his new job. And three, that I finally have a president I can withstand listening to for longer than 20 seconds. 20 seconds was about my Bush threshold.

This whole election was historical. Our two democratic top prospects were a woman and a black man. The VP pic for the GOP was a woman. It was really an amazing presidential election 'season'.

I am still just so proud of our country for this pick.

But now we need to look to California and try to stop the hate that is happening there. It is so frustrating that when our country finally moves forward in it's struggle with race relations that we now our struggling over sexual relations. It just seems that, as a country, we have always needed someone to pick on. This bullying needs to stop. Let these people love who they choose to love. I'm not a religious person, but if you truly believe in god, then god made everyone who they are and made them that way for a reason. Don't deny your gay/bi/lesbian/transgender/transsexual brothers and sisters the same civil rights that everyone else on this earth receives.

Yes we did.

We did it. We have made a change.

I spent last night crying into my wine glass. Happy, happy tears. I could not believe what I was seeing. After 2 elections where Bush was declared the winner, I just didn't think our country had it in them.

I am so proud of my fellow Americans. I am once again proud to be an American. I look at President-Elect Obama (can't believe I get to type that!!!!!) and see a glorious future for our country. Even if he is unable to fulfill every promise he has made, I know that he will try.

He has shown us and the world that anyone can do anything. He is the American dream.

There is a different vibe in my city this morning. People seem friendlier. Everyone is saying hello to each other. There is a definite positive energy filling the streets. It's a wonderful thing.

And in Obama's America, I didn't wake up with a hangover.

I voted

I voted and almost cried in the booth out of sheer excitement and the possibilities today can bring.

Now I am at work, unable to concentrate. I just want to fast forward this day until about 7:00 tonight.

I will be attending an event tonight to watch the elections unfold. As with the rest of America, I just really hope it goes my way.

It is so hard for me to wrap my brain around how someone could vote for someone like McCain and Palin. How listening to them speak inspires them to make a change. They inspire me to crawl into the darkest of corners with my hands over my ears screaming "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!" until they're done talking.

Bush was elected because people thought he'd be someone they want to have a beer with. I've had beer with many many people, and there is not a single one of them I would elect to run this country.

People like Palin because she's a hockey mom...one of us. Like above, I have spoken to many many hockey moms...not one of them I would elect to run the country.

Because, yes, a vote for McCain as president is a vote for Palin as president. I just don't see McCain lasting another 4 years. Her "You Betcha" way of speaking is not going to fly outside of the U.S.

My ultimate hope no matter which way this election goes, is that it is a clear cut win. No matter questions of voter fraud, hanging chads. By tomorrow morning, this had better be finished so we can all move on with our lives. For better or worse.