What happened last night? Really. What happened? I don't think anything happened. Kate wasn't killed, I know that much didn't happen. Everyone just kind of sat around. These are the final episodes, Lost Creators!!! There are only 9 of them left!!! Let's keep this thing moving!!!
This is how little of anything happened:
Off Island
Sawyer is a cop in the Alternate Universe. He mostly does undercover work where he gets to pretend to be a con man who sleeps with a lot of ladies. Miles is his partner. As I've said before, Miles is awesome. (Miles and Sawyer in a buddy cop spinoff might just work.) Miles notices Sawyer is lonely and sets him up with a woman who works with his dad. So we learned that in the Alternate Universe, Dr. Chang is still alive and he and Miles
are on good terms. So hooray for all of that. The woman he sets up Sawyer with is Charlotte. Remember Charlotte? The nose-bleeding redhead from the Freighter? She and Sawyer go on a date. They hit it off. They get it on. She asks to borrow a t-shirt. He tells her to look in the top drawer. She finds a book filled with clippings about the death of Sawyer's parents. They still died the same way. His dad shot his mom and then killed himself. Sawyer throws her out for snooping.
The next day at the office, Miles gets on Sawyer's case for lying about going to Australia. He demands to know what he was doing there. I really don't understand why Miles cares so much. I know, as a cop, you are supposed to be super close to your partner so you can trust them with your life, but really? The dude went on a trip and he didn't give you the full details. Does that really give you the right to run a trace on his credit cards? Miles has some issues.
Sawyer comes clean to Miles and tells him all about his dead parents and that a guy named Anthony Cooper (Locke's dad? Maybe not.) is responsible and that when he finds him, he's going to kill him. Miles suddenly looks like he didn't want all that information.
Let's take a minute here to think about this Anthony Cooper business. In the main timeline, Anthony Cooper was a conman who went by the name of Sawyer. He conned our Sawyer's mom into giving them all their money and then Sawyer's dad freaked out and I think he killed himself and his mom just like in this timeline.
Anthony Cooper is also John Locke's dad who also played a con on him. He conned John into thinking he cared about him so he could get one of his kidneys and then he cut all ties with him. This pretty much ruined Locke's life. He went to confront his dad who then pushed Locke out of a window, leaving him paralyzed.
Ben Linus then brought Anthony Cooper to The Island so Locke could kill him. But Locke couldn't kill him. So, after finding out what Mr. Cooper did to Sawyer, he brought Sawyer to him and Sawyer killed him.
In this Alternate timeline, we have been led to believe that Locke is on good terms with his father. Therefore, his father couldn't have possibly been the one to have pushed him out of the window, causing his paralysis. He also couldn't have conned him into giving him a kidney. Is his father still Anthony Cooper, Con Man? Does Locke just not know his dad is an asshole? Or does Sawyer have the wrong guy this time?
Back to our story and it's the best part. Probably the greatest thing that has ever happened on Lost. Sawyer is feeling bummed and he heads home to some frozen dinner and cheap beer. He turns on the television and starts watching....Little House on the Prairie!!!! I grew up on Little House. I love
Little House. And I loved how it was used in Lost. Pa Ingalls is giving Laura a speech on death. It's very touching as all of Pa's life lessons are. Sawyer is watching it and I just loved his reaction. I have that same look on my face whenever I watch Little House. That, holy shit everything I need to know I can learn from Little House face. That Pa is so fucking right on face.
Of course, Sawyer is now filled with a new sense of purpose. He marches over to Charlotte's with a sunflower and a six pack of beer to apologize. But she's not having it. She tells him he blew it and shuts the door in his face.
And that was that. I'm pretty sure that's all that happened in Sawyer's Alternate Universe.
On Island
Not much happened here, either. Maybe I missed a bunch of little clues or something. But it really seemed like another set up episode. There have been way too many of these lately.
Sawyer is at Claire's camp tending to Jin. Jin freaks out and wants to leave, but Sawyer tells him he is with Locke and Claire because Locke is going to get him off of The Island. Jin says he's not leaving without Sun. Sawyer says he'll make sure Sun comes along.
UnLocke and his army of crazy head into the camp. Sawyer and Kate exchange their usual glances. Then nothing happens for a while.
Later, UnLocke asks Sawyer to head over to the smaller island to see who's all over there so they can steal the plane and leave. Sawyer heads on over.
Meanwhile, Kate is hanging around chatting with Creepy Sayid when Claire grabs her from behind and tries to stab her in the throat. But then UnLocke comes up and pulls Claire off of her. Dammit, UnLocke! He calms her down by smacking her across the face (!) and Claire stalks off.
He then finds Kate crying in the woods. He apologizes for Claire's outburst and explains to her that he told Claire The Others had her baby so that she would have something to fight for. Now that she knows the truth, she's very angry. But she'll get over it. He then tells Kate that he used to be a person with a mother who is crazy and that it really screwed things up for him. He says he's telling Kate all of this because now Aaron has a crazy mother. In my opinion, he could be referring to Claire or Kate. Okay, I know he's talking about Claire.
This is how little of anything happened:
Off Island
Sawyer is a cop in the Alternate Universe. He mostly does undercover work where he gets to pretend to be a con man who sleeps with a lot of ladies. Miles is his partner. As I've said before, Miles is awesome. (Miles and Sawyer in a buddy cop spinoff might just work.) Miles notices Sawyer is lonely and sets him up with a woman who works with his dad. So we learned that in the Alternate Universe, Dr. Chang is still alive and he and Miles
are on good terms. So hooray for all of that. The woman he sets up Sawyer with is Charlotte. Remember Charlotte? The nose-bleeding redhead from the Freighter? She and Sawyer go on a date. They hit it off. They get it on. She asks to borrow a t-shirt. He tells her to look in the top drawer. She finds a book filled with clippings about the death of Sawyer's parents. They still died the same way. His dad shot his mom and then killed himself. Sawyer throws her out for snooping.The next day at the office, Miles gets on Sawyer's case for lying about going to Australia. He demands to know what he was doing there. I really don't understand why Miles cares so much. I know, as a cop, you are supposed to be super close to your partner so you can trust them with your life, but really? The dude went on a trip and he didn't give you the full details. Does that really give you the right to run a trace on his credit cards? Miles has some issues.
Sawyer comes clean to Miles and tells him all about his dead parents and that a guy named Anthony Cooper (Locke's dad? Maybe not.) is responsible and that when he finds him, he's going to kill him. Miles suddenly looks like he didn't want all that information.
Let's take a minute here to think about this Anthony Cooper business. In the main timeline, Anthony Cooper was a conman who went by the name of Sawyer. He conned our Sawyer's mom into giving them all their money and then Sawyer's dad freaked out and I think he killed himself and his mom just like in this timeline.
Anthony Cooper is also John Locke's dad who also played a con on him. He conned John into thinking he cared about him so he could get one of his kidneys and then he cut all ties with him. This pretty much ruined Locke's life. He went to confront his dad who then pushed Locke out of a window, leaving him paralyzed.
Ben Linus then brought Anthony Cooper to The Island so Locke could kill him. But Locke couldn't kill him. So, after finding out what Mr. Cooper did to Sawyer, he brought Sawyer to him and Sawyer killed him.
In this Alternate timeline, we have been led to believe that Locke is on good terms with his father. Therefore, his father couldn't have possibly been the one to have pushed him out of the window, causing his paralysis. He also couldn't have conned him into giving him a kidney. Is his father still Anthony Cooper, Con Man? Does Locke just not know his dad is an asshole? Or does Sawyer have the wrong guy this time?
Back to our story and it's the best part. Probably the greatest thing that has ever happened on Lost. Sawyer is feeling bummed and he heads home to some frozen dinner and cheap beer. He turns on the television and starts watching....Little House on the Prairie!!!! I grew up on Little House. I love
Little House. And I loved how it was used in Lost. Pa Ingalls is giving Laura a speech on death. It's very touching as all of Pa's life lessons are. Sawyer is watching it and I just loved his reaction. I have that same look on my face whenever I watch Little House. That, holy shit everything I need to know I can learn from Little House face. That Pa is so fucking right on face.Of course, Sawyer is now filled with a new sense of purpose. He marches over to Charlotte's with a sunflower and a six pack of beer to apologize. But she's not having it. She tells him he blew it and shuts the door in his face.
And that was that. I'm pretty sure that's all that happened in Sawyer's Alternate Universe.
On Island
Not much happened here, either. Maybe I missed a bunch of little clues or something. But it really seemed like another set up episode. There have been way too many of these lately.
Sawyer is at Claire's camp tending to Jin. Jin freaks out and wants to leave, but Sawyer tells him he is with Locke and Claire because Locke is going to get him off of The Island. Jin says he's not leaving without Sun. Sawyer says he'll make sure Sun comes along.
UnLocke and his army of crazy head into the camp. Sawyer and Kate exchange their usual glances. Then nothing happens for a while.
Later, UnLocke asks Sawyer to head over to the smaller island to see who's all over there so they can steal the plane and leave. Sawyer heads on over.
Meanwhile, Kate is hanging around chatting with Creepy Sayid when Claire grabs her from behind and tries to stab her in the throat. But then UnLocke comes up and pulls Claire off of her. Dammit, UnLocke! He calms her down by smacking her across the face (!) and Claire stalks off.
He then finds Kate crying in the woods. He apologizes for Claire's outburst and explains to her that he told Claire The Others had her baby so that she would have something to fight for. Now that she knows the truth, she's very angry. But she'll get over it. He then tells Kate that he used to be a person with a mother who is crazy and that it really screwed things up for him. He says he's telling Kate all of this because now Aaron has a crazy mother. In my opinion, he could be referring to Claire or Kate. Okay, I know he's talking about Claire.
What kind of person was UnLocke before he was Smokey? Was he real flesh and blood? Was he born off Island somewhere and somehow ended up there where a spell was put on him that turned him into Smokey? That seems so hocus pocus, even for this show. Or, has he always been smoke? If that's the case, where do baby smoke monsters come from?
Sawyer makes his way to the smaller island. He finds a pile of bodies, the remaining passengers from the Ajira
plane. He sees someone running across the beach. He catches her. It's Tina Fey! Okay, not really. But she looks a lot like her and wouldn't it be cool if it was? Tina tells a story about how she was out looking for firewood. She heard screaming and by the time she got back to the beach, they were all dead. She doesn't know how it happened. Sawyer says he'll take her back to his crew and asks her a bunch of questions which set off signals in him that lead him to believe she's lying. And she is. A bunch of men with guns start spilling out of the weeds. Great. More new characters.They take Sawyer to their leader who resides in the cartoon submarine (really, they should just paint it yellow and be done with it already). And, oh, yeah! Widmore! I forgot about him.
Sawyer heads down into the sub and, on his way to meet Charles Widmore, he notices a door that is heavily locked. He asks Tina Fey what's in it, but she won't tell him. She takes him to Widmore who introduces himself. Sawyer says he remembers him as the guy who sent a freighter full of people to kill them all. Widmore says that's not true. Sawyer says, well, you killed all those people outside. Widmore says that's not true, either. They decide to work together (or do they?). Sawyer says he will bring UnLocke to Widmore by telling UnLocke the coast is clear on this island. Then Widmore can kill him and that all he wants in return is for him and the people he chooses to get off The Island. Widmore agrees, They shake on it.
Sawyer heads back to the big Island where UnLocke is waiting. But he doesn't lie to him, he tells him Widmore is over there with an army full of people erecting sonic fences that keep Smoke Monsters away. What is exactly is Sawyer up to? We later find out when he tells Kate he is trying to distract everyone so he and Kate can steal the sub and get out of there.
The End.
Such a dull episode. And I was starting to like Sawyer. Bummer.
Next week looks to be much better, I hope, with the back story of the mysterious Richard Alpert. Will they actually tell us everything about him like they say they will, or is it all just a bunch of lies like when they said that Ben will die? All I know is that Richard has been around for a long time and that we can probably expect a lot of cameos from all the run-ins he's encountered on The Island. Should be good stuff.
Oh, I guess this is important. In the Alternate Universe, when Sawyer is filling Miles in on his shitty childhood, a car hits them and someone gets out and runs. They chase the person down and it's Fugitive Kate. Sawyer looks like he remembers her from the airport. So, yeah, that also happened.
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