Levels Of Customer Service

The other day I had to make a couple of stops before heading into the office. These 2 stops each filled me with rage, but for completely different reasons.

The first stop was the bank. I really hate going to the bank in the first place. I was just making a deposit, which I know I can do via the ATM these days, but I just like the automatic confirmation that I receive handing my money over to the teller, seeing her type in the numbers, and handing me a receipt.

So I approach the teller and she greets me with a smile – which is nice – and I tell her I’m just there to make a deposit. I have all of my forms and money in hand. The transaction should take less than a minute.

She begins to chat.

1. “Are you on your way to work, or just on a break?” – Um, on my way. It’s 7:45am. Why would I be on a break already unless I got to work at 5:00 in the morning?

2. “Do you work in the building?” Um, no. I work in one of the many other buildings downtown, but this is the only bank that I can get to.

3. “The skyway makes getting here easy even if you don’t, right?” So do the sidewalks and crosswalks outside on this gorgeous summer day.

4. “Sure is beautiful outside.” Sure is.

5. “Are you having a good day so far?” See #1. It’s 7:45am and I haven’t had my coffee yet and I just want to make a simple transaction. What is with all the fucking questions????

The above is just a small sample of the interrogation I received trying to make a deposit. I’ve said it before: I HATE small talk. It makes me want to break things. I don’t know what sort of incentive program the bank is offering its employees to be so overly smiley with its customers, but it makes me want to bang my head against the counter, shove my fingers in my ears, and start yelling “LA LA LA LA”. What is with all of the questions??? Why????

Eventually my transaction is completed and I head on over to destination #2: The Convenience Store.

There are 2 stores within decent walking distance of the vicinity of my office building. They are both owned and operated by the same person. He has a harem of women who man the tils while he breaks down boxes and says inappropriate things to customers.

I normally go to the one that is located on the street level. But since I was leaving the bank and already in the convenient skyway system mentioned by the bank teller, I headed to the skyway level store to pick up my Halls cough drops of which I am completely addicted to. Seriously, they’re like my cigarettes.

Working this counter is a she-beast of a woman with the Hardest. Job. In. The. World. I’ve heard her complain to customers about how her job is so stressful. I’ve worked at gas station/convenient stores before. They aren’t stressful. Annoying, yes. Stressful, no.

I approach the counter and place my bag o’ cough drops on the counter and patiently wait for her to finish reading the tabloid article on Selena Gomez and Justin Beieber. She flips the page and then walks over to the register – I say good morning - and she bangs the keys, loudly sighing with annoyance at my presence, and rings me up without ever making eye contact. I wait for her to tell me the total, and when I realize she is opting for a code of silence today, I look at the LCD screen and start to pull out the exact change. I know, as a former cashier, this can be excruciatingly annoying. But my wallet is bursting with excess change that I want to get rid of.

Stupid me and my poor math skills miscounted the amount of change I handed to her. She looks at it in her open palm, dumps the change in the drawer and then maniacally paws at the give a penny/take a penny cup to get the difference. With a ton of embarrassment, I apologize and grab the remaining pennies from my purse and hand them over to her repeatingly saying I’m sorry.

She begrudgingly takes my change dumps in the drawer and turns back to her tabloid.

She never once said a word to me or looked at me.

Wanting to make some passive aggressive comment about being pleasant, I bit my tongue instead and headed out of there.

There is really no reason for either of these situations to happen. All that is required for someone in the customer service industry is to provide customer service. Smile when the customer walks in the door, say hello when they approach the counter, ask them how they can help, and then help. That’s it. We don’t need to exchange life stories. You don’t care what my answer is and I don’t want to know that your kid has pink eye or that you leave for vacation in 24 hours.

At the street level convenience store, the cashier is the epitome of good customer service. She’ll joke with you if you joke with her. But otherwise, she greets you with a “good morning”, asks you how you’re doing today, and says “thanks, hon” as you leave. I am more inclined to engage with her on a social level throughout the transaction because there is a naturalness to it. With the bank teller, I feel like her manager is hiding under the counter holding her paycheck between his fingers, ready to rip it in half if she doesn’t ask me exactly 7 questions within the 1 minute duration of my transaction. With the she-beast, I just felt like I was completely intruding on her day and should get out of there as quickly as possible before her skin turns to scales and she swallows me whole.

All before I've had my coffee (which is a whole other customer service nightmare).