What I Want From Lost

After six years of a program as insane as Lost, it's hard to think of an ending that would be 100% completely satisfactory. And that's just satisfactory to me. It would be impossible for the writers to come up with an ending that would please everyone who watches the show, let alone just little ol' me. And, frankly, the way they are giving out answers right now is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. After 6 years of characters sitting around not externally questioning the most basic of things happening in this crazy place, we now get them asking flat out questions and receiving flat out answers. It just doesn't feel right. I think the answers need to be shown, not spoken. They need to be shown so that discussions can still be had. But, I'm sure a lot of the audience would disagree. So already, there's a problem.

But this isn't about the audience as a whole. It's about ME and MY needs. What do I want to see happen? How do I want it all to end?

Questions I Want Answered

1. Let's start at the beginning. Let's start with Adam and Eve.

Who are these two? Are they just a random couple from some point in time? Are they from the Black Rock? Or are they a pair of Losties? Could they be Rose and Bernard? Did they maybe die at some point during the time travel process? Why is one of them holding one black rock and one white? This must have something to do with Jacob and Smokey, right? If so, that's some pretty awesome future foreshadowing from the writers from way back in season 1. Could they be the original Jacob and Smokey? Why do we assume one is an "Eve"?

2. What is the Smoke Monster?

Yes. We know the Smoke Monster is black smoke that can take the shape of dead people on The Island and is very judgemental and brutally honest. It may or may not be evil, but most like is evil. But what is it? This show always tries, no matter what weird shit it does, to stay within the realms of reality. Even with the time travel. But to have some smoke flying around The Island that is alive seems pretty unexplainable to me. So how are they going to do it? Are they going to do it? And, if Smokey can't leave The Island, how did he appear as Christian Shephard off Island to Jack? Was that Smokey? The smoke alarm did go off before he appeared. Or will the writers just say it was a drug induced Jack hallucination?

3. What is The Island?

The Island itself is an integral character on the show. Everything that happens always comes back to The Island. I am not someone who believes UnLocke when he says The Island is "just an Island". We did learn that Jacob is not protecting The Island, but is just there to keep Smokey bottled up. But still, The Island has managed to create Smokey. It has some crazy magnetism happening. It heals people. People can't have babies on it. Why is it controlled by a Frozen Donkey Wheel that makes it skip through time and magically makes the person who turned it appear in the Tunisian desert? Why?

4. The Statue

We know it's been there a long time. We know how it got destroyed. We know Jacob lived there. We know something lies in its shadow. But what does it represent? Who put it there? Who were The Island originators? Adam and Eve?

5. Why are the Losties the chosen ones?

Why did Jacob choose this particular group of people? How come, no matter what universe they are in, their lives will always cross paths? Why are they so special?

6. Speaking of Jacob....

What the hell is he? I refuse to believe he is human. Is he ash? He turned into ash when he died. Was he white smoke to Smokey's black smoke? How does he have powers to give people eternal life? Oooh...just thought of something. Maybe the Christian Shephard that visited Jack off Island was actually Jacob in disguise. He seems to have no problem going on and off Island. Hmmmmm....

7. Waaaaaaaaallllllttttttt!!!!!!

I know he grew up and that caused a lot of problems for the writers, but this kid was supposed to be pretty damn special at one point in time only to be completely forgotten about. I don't even think he was listed among the candidates. How come? The show is now 3 years in the future of when it originally started, so I think it would be safe to bring him back. He is allowed to be older now. Let's have some closure there. He can't just be destined to Hot Pocket commercials.

8. Widmore/Ben/Smokey/Jacob

What is the relationship between these 4 people? Who is good? Who is evil? Or are the lines not so black and white?

9. Desmond and Penny....but mostly Desmond

Desmond seems pretty special, too. Why is he seeming all messed up now? Will he and Penny get to live happily ever after? Because that's really all I care about in the end.

10. Rose/Bernard/Vincent

Wait. I do care about one more thing. Where are Rose, Bernard, and Vincent? Did they travel through time, too? Are they dead? Are they still living on The Island in their little hut living off Dharma rations? Are they rolling their eyes every time Widmore sends one of his bombs over? And where is my Vincent episode I was promised way back in season 1?

I can't believe those are the only questions I can think of. Does that mean the show has answered most of the others? Or does it mean the show has made things so convoluted that I can't remember anything?


How I Want It To End

In a perfect world....

Well, in a perfect world, this is not the direction the show would have taken. Time travel mucks everything up and it still aggravates me that we are now dealing with the repercussions of time travel and a damn Alternate/Sideways Universe/Timeline. But it is what we are dealing with and I have learned to live with it.

So....


*I want this Alternate Timeline to mean something. It has to matter or this whole final season has been bullshit and the show should have ended with Juliette smashing Jughead with a rock. So that is desire #1.

*I also want Desmond and Penny to live happily ever after. This is the only happily ever after I am demanding from the show. I think if everyone had a happily ever after it would be extremely lame.

*I want Kate to go away. This is the only unhappily ever after that I really really want.

*I want Jack to be the new Jacob because he's the only one that makes sense.

*I do not want John Locke to come back from the dead. Dead is dead, remember writers? You killed him off and turned him into this Thing, so leave it be. That goes for all other dead characters, too. Charlie, Juliette, Faraday, Boone, Shannon, Libby, Ana Lucia, Mr. Eko, NotFBIChick, Arntz. Leave them be.

*Ben has to matter. And the show needs to end with him kicking ass in some way.

I don't think that's too much to ask for. It's a lot less than I thought there would be. But like I said, maybe I just can't think of all of them because there are just too many and my brain can't/won't go there. But I feel like a lot has been explained. For example:

1. The Whispers

Stupid lost souls on The Island. Worst answer ever.

2. Dead folk showing up

Always been Smokey

3. Jacob's purpose

To keep Smokey contained on The Island.

4. The Numbers

Random numbers assigned to each Candidate by Jacob. Ahhhh...but why do the numbers always appear to Hurley? Why did the mental patient repeat them? Why were the put on the hatch? Why did they have to be input every 108 minutes? Why were they listed on the medicine that Desmond took when he was in the hatch? Okay, so they haven't been completely answered.

5. Richard's deal

He was on the Black Rock (which was tossed mid Island during a terrible storm - another answered question) and was "saved" by Smokey, but then took sides with Jacob who gave him eternal life in return.

6. Jack's tattoos

This was a questioned that burned in everyone's mind from the very first episode. How and when did Jack get those tattoos? I mean, it's not like other people don't have tattoos, right? (I'm totally kidding)

These, along with the questions I still want answered, have been the main questions all along. In the end, I'd say with a show as nuts as this one, the writer's have done a pretty damn good job keeping it all together.

Oh...And....

I bought a new guitar!!!!

This picture doesn't do it justice. It really is so very pretty. Oh, and it sounds good, too. AND it has a built in tuner. That is going to be so helpful.

It's sad to say goodbye to my old standby. It's been my friend for many many years. But it was time to retire. I will get it fixed someday. I still really love the way it sounds.

You will be played again someday.

Target Field!

Last Wednesday I got to go to Target Field. It was beautiful. The stadium is really something to see. After so many many years in a Football dome, it was other worldly to be in an outdoor ballpark right in my own city. When I looked up, I did not see a stained, off white, parachute...I saw the moon. The grass was green and real. The wind blew and gave me chills. The seats were pointed towards home plate and not towards gridlines. The sun set on the buildings. It was wonderful.

And the Twins won.

Double Header

Like I said in my Lost post below, a lot has been happening lately. For example: This weekend I had two shows! I performed in the lobby of the Rossmor building during the St. Paul Art Crawl. Hey, a show's a show, right?

I got a full hour each time. I got to make a set list. It was all very exciting.

I wasn't mic'd or amped, but the acoustics in that space were amazing. No mic or amp needed.

And I also whipped up a cd to sell. Well, I was giving it away and asking for donations. I sold 3 of them...to friends. But, that's something. It has 5 songs on it all recorded at home. I put the packaging together myself, and it shows. But I wanted to have something to hand out.

My plan is still to make a "real" record. I just need to figure out how. I could continue to make them at home, but I want a drummer. I think my songs would really benefit with drums added. Or I could just put out a pure folk album. But I have too many ideas for my songs to just do that.

I also need to get a new guitar. Every time I pick up my guitar, another piece is missing from it. It's falling apart. I have other guitars, but I don't like to play them. They just don't feel right, or sound right, to me.

Songs performed for each set:

Set 1 on Friday
Perspective
Cast a Spell
World of Pain
Holes
Good to Know
Align
Old Fashioned Hat (Anais Mitchell cover)
Minnesota
Lipstick
Acid Tongue (Jenny Lewis cover)
Good

Set 2 on Saturday
Walking Strange
Cast a Spell
World of Pain
Perspective
Good to Know
Old Fashioned Hat (Anais Mitchell cover)
Minnesota
In the Company of Elvis
Back at the Start
Acid Tongue (Jenny Lewis cover)
Good

Lost, The Final Season, Episode 12, "The Last Recruit"

Oh, dear. I am really really behind. Times have been busy and the time to post, what was sure to be a very long, recap of last week's show was not given to me. Now it's been almost a week and the episode is becoming a hazy memory. I know a lot happened both on and off The Island. We got another answer pointed out to us in the most matter of fact way that it was almost cheesy. We got the Jin and Sun reunion. Yes, our long national nightmare is over. These two crazy kids have found each other again. We got explosions. But let's start off Island.

Off Island

This was not a one character specific episode. The off Island parts focused on uniting all our Losties in the Sideways World. How did it happen?

Sawyer/Kate/Miles

Sawyer has Kate handcuffed to a chair at the police station. They do their usual flirt until Miles comes along and says there has been a shooting at a local restaurant. They look at surveillance tape and see Sayid exiting the building so...

Sawyer/Miles/Sayid

...they head to Nadiya's house where Sayid is freaking out and packing up a suitcase. He tells Nadiya he will never see her again, but her family will now be safe. Sawyer and Miles show up and Sayid sneaks out the back only to be busted by Sawyer. He cuffs him and takes him away.

Jin/Sun

Meanwhile, Sun is being brought to the hospital after being shot in the abdomen. As she's being wheeled in, another person is being wheeled in next to her. She freaks out. "It's him! It's him!" It's John Locke. Has the trauma brought back her Island memories?

John/Ben

John is being wheeled into the hospital, of course, because he was run over by Desmond. Ben joined him on the ambulance ride over.

Desmond/Claire

Claire heads to an office building that houses an adoption agency. She runs into Desmond, or

Desmond runs into her. He creepily follows her up to the offices, questioning her the whole way. He convinces her that she should really have a lawyer for the adoption process and that he knows someone who can help her that works in the building. She agrees and he brings her to the lawyer who happens to be NotFBIChick! She's certainly a woman of many trades. She says she's expecting Claire. Whatever for?....

Claire/Jack

Jack and his son are heading to the very same office building to listen to the reading of his father's will. The lawyer just happens to be...NotFBIChick. She brings Jack into the room where Claire is. Turns out Jack has been trying to track her down since his father left her something in his will. All is explained to Jack that Claire is his sister . This is all a shock. He gets a call from the hospital that he is needed for surgery. He apologizes and heads to the hospital.

Jin/Sun Again

Sun wakes up from surgery. Jin is there. He tells her the baby survived and all is going to be okay.

Jack/Locke

Jack gets to the hospital and finds out more about his patient. He is a man who was just hit by a car and already suffers from a spinal injury. He is John Locke. Jack is sure he can fix him. He enters the surgery room and looks at John's face. "I think I know this man".

I'm pretty sure that covers all of the off Island encounters. Let's move to the Island.

On Island

Where to begin? Let's see if I remember. Oh, yes.

We left off with Jack, Hurley, Sun, andthe Pilot entering UnLocke's camp. UnLocke says he wants to speak to Jack alone. They talk about a bunch of crap and Jack asks UnLocke if he took the form of his father when Oceanic 815 first crashed. UnLocke answers yes. So there you have it. Unfortunately, there are a whole bunch of inconsistencies with this revelation. One being that dead Christian Shephard appeared to Jack off Island at the hospital. If UnLocke can't leave the Island without a billion circumstances being met, how did he do this? Oh, well. Not all the answers will be perfect (see last week's post regarding the whispers).

Everyone hangs out for a while and then Tina Fey shows up. I really hate this chick. She has a walkie talkie. She tells UnLocke she wants what he stole back (Desmond). Unlocke refuses. She responds by having her goons set off a bomb nearby and tells him that they don't get Desmond back, they will bomb their site.

We then cut back to the camp where UnLocke tells everyone of the plan. Half the team, led by UnLocke will head to Hydra Island. The other half, led by Sawyer, will head to the beach to pick up the sailboat that was left their by Desmond a long time ago. Or something like that. I was never quite sure what the plan was.

UnLocke pulls Sayid aside and asks him to go kill Desmond. Sayid heads off to the well and finds Desmond hanging out at the bottom. He points the gun, but then Desmond starts talking. He questions Sayid's motives in killing an unarmed man. When he finds out what UnLocke has promised him (the return of Nadiya), he asks Sayid what he will tell her when she asks how they were reunited.

They head out with Sawyer and Kate in one group and Jack, Hurley, Sun, and the Pilot with UnLocke. Sawyer tells them to find a way to get away from UnLocke and to meet them at the boat and they will sail to the sub and get off the Island. He tells them to leave Claire behind because she's nuts. Sayid, too.

UnLocke is leading his group when he says he has to go check on something. This gives Jack and his crew the

chance to run, and they do. But Claire sees them and follows.

UnLocke finds Sayid and asks if he killed Desmond. Sayid says yes. But did he really?

Jack and his crew make it to the sailboat. They are just about to embark when Claire show up with a gun. She wants to know why they keep abandoning her. Sawyer wants to leave, but Kate demands that Claire be brought along. So she wins. They head out to sea and everyone goes about their business. Sawyer goes up to Jack, who's looking a little uncertain. Jack tells him that he thinks they are making a mistake and that they are meant to stay on The Island. That if UnLocke really wants them to get off The Island, that should be a sign that they should stay. Sawyer gets pissed because, don't forget, he's been on The Island for over 3 years now. Jack's been able to live a normal life for a while. He tells Jack to get off the boat. So Jack does. He jumps and swims to shore where he runs into UnLocke and an army of Red Shirts.

Sawyer and his Sailors make it to Hydra Island. Tina Fey and her gang greet them with guns.

From behind her out walks Jin. Sun sees him and we get our reunion about a year too late. This just did not have the emotional impact that I thought it would. They hug and are happ

y and blah blah blah and then Tina gets orders to take them all in, as prisoners. I guess Widmore is pissed. Hey, at least most everyone is in the same spot. He orders the bombing to begin.

Back on the main Island, the bombs start going off around UnLocke, his Red Shirts, and Jack. UnLocke pulls Jack to safety and tells him, "You're with me now".

The end.

I can't believe I remembered that much. I'm sure I forgot a ton and for that, I apologize. Life has become very busy. There have been s

o many things I've wanted to post about, I just haven't had the time. I will try to get back on the ball.

Lost is not on this week. Why? I don't know. There are only Four. Episodes. Left. That's it. It's all very sad. I'm not even sure what I want from this show anymore. How do I want it to end? What do I want resolved for these characters? What do I need explained? I think I'll get to that later this week since I won't have an episode to recap.

Enjoy your Lost free week!

Walking Strange

Last night was open mic night at O'Donovan's again. There was only a couple of us there to play, so I did 7 songs. I think that's my new record. I debuted a new song titled "Walking Strange" and discovered it's not quite ready yet. I think it would be an awesome song with a full band, someone to do an awesome blues guitar solo. Seriously. But, with just me, it didn't quite become anything...and the lyrics aren't quite stuck in my head yet as I thought they were. I wrote down the lyrics and brought a cheat sheet up on stage, but that does no good when you can't read it.

My nerves are going away, though, so that makes it all the more fun. I really enjoyed myself last night. I can tell my comfort level on stage is going up because I can talk to the crowd more. I really need a new guitar, though. Mine has become so unreliable. I can't believe that out of the 3 guitars I have, none of them work when plugged in. I know they are all old, but come on! The one I used last night does work, but the PA sound has to be so adjusted for it that it just doesn't sound quite right. And who knows what will happen if I ever try to plug in at another venue. I'm thinking a new guitar might become a priority.

Last night's set:

Walking Strange
Back at the Start (I love singing this song, but it is very slow and I worry people get bored)
Good
Acid Tongue (Jenny Lewis cover. This was so much fun and got a good response. I will definitely be doing it again)
Cast a Spell
Everest (Ani Difranco cover. I felt I owed it to the woman to play one of her songs, but it didn't go so well. I probably won't cover her again)
Lord, I Have Made You a Place In My Heart (Greg Brown cover)

What It Takes

Music is exhausting. It's amazing how much work it can be when you are really giving it a go. I spent a big chunk of time tonight completely reworking one of my songs in preparation of the EP I plan to release next weekend (!) for my gigs at the St. Paul Art Crawl. The organizer for the event kept saying it was okay to sell merch, and so I wanted merch to sell so I'm whipping this together quickly.

I've got a plan to release a full length album this summer. A proper one. But this is just a stop gap. I'm excited, though. It will be nice to get some actual physical product out there. I plan on just asking for donations, so I'm curious what I will come away with , if anything. Honestly, I'm not expecting anything. A dollar would be great. One dollar. I will be happy.

Lost, The Final Season, Episode 11, "Everybody Loves Hugo"

There were a lot of explosions last night. Well, a couple. And that was about it.

Hurley episodes are usually filled with fun and answers. This one was just so boring.

All that happened was this:

On The Island

• NotFBIChick blew up. That was awesome. And it was all that was awesome this episode.
• Hurley blew up the Black Rock so that no one could destroy the plane.
• UnLocke threw Desmond down a well. That was so NOT cool, UnLocke. I hate you.
• Jack, Sun, and The Pilot decided to listen to Hurley.
• Miles, Ben, and Richard decided to go to the Hydra Island and find a way to destroy the plane (doesn't anyone realize the plane is already destroyed? IT CRASHED!)
• Hurley decided that his team needed to go talk to UnLocke. So they did. He asked him to leave them alone.
• Sun still hasn't found Jin, even though now she is where he was just the day before. This is getting so old. Reunite them already!
• That freaky kid that stalks UnLocke showed up again.

Oh,and Michael of "WAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLTTTTTT" fame showed up as another one of Hurley's dead friends. He explained to Hurley that the whispers everyone hears all the time are actually souls who done wrong trapped on The Island. So lame. I had stopped caring about the whispers a long time ago. I had assumed the whispers were the Losties travelling through time. But, I guess they are lost souls or whatever. I liked my theory better. And the way they explained it was so lame.

Hurley to Michael: Is it you making those noises?
Michael: Yes
Hurley: Are there others?
Michael: Yes
Hurley: So the whispers are souls trapped on this Island?
Michael: Yes, the whispers are souls trapped on this Island? Cue big neon sign flashing Answers! Answers! Answers!

Off The Island

• Hurley is happy and rich and not crazy and the greatest guy around
• Hurley's mom wants him to have a girlfriend
• Hurley meets Libby while waiting for his blind date (who never shows) and finds out she's crazy after she tells him she swears they know each other from somewhere
• Desmond tracks Hurley down and convinces him to meet up with Libby
• Hurley finds Libby and even though she is in an institution (voluntarily) they go on a date on the beach. After a kiss, Hurley remembers her.
• Desmond tracks down John Locke at the school he works at and then runs him over.

The End

The Hurley Sideways Story was cute, but just left a lot to be desired. It was nice to see him finally get his date with Libby. And it was interesting to have Island Life and Sideways Life merge again. It looks like everyone needs to find their true love for it to all come together for them. After Jack's mention of Juliette tonight, I'm beginning to think she may be his true love and that Sawyer will be stuck with Kate. This will anger a lot of people.

I also think Desmond's running down of Locke off Island could mean 1 of 2 things:

1. Sideways John Locke is really Smokey and Desmond knows it and is trying to take him out.
2. Desmond is connected to his Island self now and knows that John Locke pushes him down a well to die. This obviously angers him and so he takes out Sideways John Locke. I don't think Island Desmond (or Sideways Desmond) know that Island Locke isn't Locke.

There was also one other note of import: When Desmond was at the school watching Locke, Ben approached him to ask what he was doing there. Desmond seemed completely unphased by Ben and had no interest in him whatsoever. Is this just another way to say that Ben has become so unimportant to the Island?

That's it. That might be my shortest recap ever. I know I've said nothing has happened before, but this was truly a big nothing. And so close to the end of the series. There's no time left for nothing anymore.

Some things I hope happen next episode:

1. Desmond needs to live and get out of the well.

2. Sun reunites with Jin. This is just getting ridiculous and her stupid amnesia is the worst plot point this show has ever done. I hope the writers aren't writing some big magical moment for them to reunite in the finale, because that will be very very lame.

3. Sayid needs to go away. He had about 1 minute of screen time last night and I almost couldn't take it.

4. Ben needs to be Ben again. I'm sick of seeing such an amazing character become such a tool.

"God Only Knows" Starring: Me

There are some songs that just sound like a movie soundtrack. Maybe it's because they've been used in so many movies that you just can't think of them any other way. Or maybe they just call out to be used in an opening sequence or the closing credits.

On my commute to work, I listen to headphones (don't worry, I take the bus). Today, as I was walking through the downtown St. Paul skyway after purchasing my bagel, "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys came on. I bopped along happily, making my way through the door to the building I work in. Then, something changed and I felt like a camera should be following me. I said hello to a co-worker and felt like at that exact monent "Executive Producer" should pop up somewhere in the corner of my little scene. I made my way downstairs, skipping down the steps to the ba-ba-ba-bas of the swirling chorus of Beach Boys. I flipped on the lights and could have swore "Directed By" floated in front of me at hip level. And to make it all perfect, the song ended just as I plopped into my chair and clicked my keyboard to turn on my computer.

So now I have this strange feeling that today is special and something will happen that will make my whole world change. It's very surreal. Like I'm stuck in some quirky indie movie.

Lost, The Final Season, Episode 10, "Happily Ever After"

At a certain point last night, it all clicked. I got it. I had it all figured out. Then I as I lay in bed thinking it all over, it struck me that I don't have it. That I still only have a piece of it. That's what's frustrating with this show. You get so involved in one sector and you get it all mapped out and it's a breakthrough and it's marvelous and then that dreaded question sneaks in: "But what about....."

Last night's episode filled us with answers....about Desmond and Jughead and Eloise and the Sideways Storyline. But then, what about Jacob and Smokey and The Island? How does it all come together in the end?

This isn't going to be a typical recap, as it wasn't a typical episode. I think it might just be time to try and figure it out.

What Is Going On?
I think one of the big confusions is the timeline itself. With all of the time travelling, it's hard to grasp just where everyone is. But you have to look at it as one timeline. Like so:

Eloise and Charles and Richard live on The Island. Dharma moves in. Charles is kicked off The Island. Ben takes over his role as Other leader. The Others order Ben to kill the Dharma folks. He does. The Others move into Dharmaville and live there happily ever after conducting their own experiments and recruiting their own fertility doctors (Juliette) until Desmond is off accidentally killing his roommate and forgets to push the button that holds in a huge chunk of magnetic energy that then gets released causing a plane to crash. The crash survivors are our Losties and they go about their Island lives doing everything we've seen in this show, including being attacked by Smoke Monsters and Others and locked in polar bear cages and chased by freighter folk until the day Ben goes down in the hole and turns the Frozen Donkey Wheel and The Island disappears and it begins skipping through time. Then John Locke goes down to turn the Frozen Donkey Wheel and our remaining Losties get stuck in 1977. Here they live with Dharma and do all the Dharma stuff. At one point, Daniel Faraday figures out how to get them all back to where they are supposed to be. He goes to tell his mother, the young Eloise Hawking who is living on The Island and is currently pregnant with him, that he needs her help, but she thinks he's a threat and shoots him. Once she finds out he is her yet unborn son, she spends the rest of her life trying to help him to stop her from killing him.

Whoooo. That's a lot. But there's so much more.

Eloise gets off The Island and raises her prodigy son as a scientist, though he so wants to be a musician. She pushes him into physics so that he can find a way to stop her from killing him. And he does. So now we are back to the Losties time travelling to 1977. Daniel knows how to fix everything. He writes it down. After he is shot, it is left to Jack to figure out. And he does. They find Jughead the bomb, blow it up, and everything is "right". At least for Eloise. This is where the timeline splits. She has Daniel and she raises him as a musician and everything is hunkey dorey. Except that things are a mess in The Island's Original Timeline. Ben has gone and killed Jacob. Smokey is getting loose. The Original Timeline and Sideways Timeline are starting to merge. People are starting to remember their other lives. And what Widmore told Jin is coming true: Everything they love is going away. Jin just watched Sun get shot. Is she just the first casualty of Smokey's release from The Island? What will Sayid find when he returns home after killing Keamy? Will Nadiya and the kids and his brother all be alive and well? Or will they be gone?

Now is when you ask, "But what about...". Because, yes, but what about The Island and Smokey and Jacob and all of that crap? What does it mean? Who or What are Smokey and Jacob? Why are they there? What is their greater purpose? Should I be asking that? Does it matter? Why shouldn't it matter? How do they tie in to Eloise and Desmond and time travel and electro magnetic energy?

Because here is where things don't make sense.

What Doesn't Make Sense?
- Jughead the bomb exploded within a day or two of Eloise killing Daniel. If she was on The Island when Jughead went off, then she should be at the bottom of the ocean with her unborn fetus along with the rest of The Island. Because haven't we been lead to believe that the Jughead explosion is what caused the sinking of The Island? After all, in the Sideways Storyline, Ben's father expressed his regret for leaving The Island and taking away any potential Ben would have had to be someone great. So, The Island existed as is in Ben's lifetime. Ben lived on The Island in the 70s. So that all coincides with Jughead.

- It's possible that with the release of Jughead, it changed things that happened even in recent history before it exploded. Maybe Dr. Chang still evacuated The Island and Eloise left then, knowing what was going to happen because she has that clairvoyance. Maybe that's also when Ben and his dad left. Miles would have had to have left then, as well. Same with Charles Widmore. And Charlotte. The list goes on.

- BUT, does that mean that our Losties still travelled back in time? They would have had to, right? Because if they never did, Jughead never would have exploded meaning none of this would have happened. It would be one great paradox. Thus, the problem with time travel. That's some Back to the Future shit right there. If Eloise raises Daniel in the Sideways Storyline as a musician, then he never goes to The Island to do his time travelling magic.

- BUT, we were shown last night that he is starting to have flashes of his other life. He wrote some crazy science shit in his notebook. Maybe the universe is course correcting, just like he said it always would.

Yes, let's look at last night quick.

Widmore brought Desmond to The Island as his "package" because Desmond is the only person on the planet who has survived a magnetic explosion. He needs someone who can handle this so that he can fix whatever is wrong. But first he has to run some tests on Desmond. He puts him in a chamber and blasts him with magnetic energy. Besides a little brain travel he survives and is just fine.

The Brain Travel
Desmond flashes to his Sideways life. At first, it seems that we are just getting a glimpse into how he lives in this life, just like we have with all the other Losties. He's a very successful businessman. He works for Charles Widmore. He's his right hand man. Widmore completely respects and trusts him with everything. He asks Desmond to watch over some rock star hired by his wife to accompany their son in some classical music meets rock performance. The rock star? Our little hobbit, Charlie Pace.

Widmore bails him out of jail and sends Desmond to pick him up. But something is still not right with Charlie. He had a vision when he almost died after swallowing his heroin on the plane. He had a vision, and he's pretty sure Desmond needs to have one, too. So much so that he forces the car Desmond is driving off of a dock and, yes, Desmond does have a vision. He manages to get out of the car and to the surface. He dives back down to save Charlie. Charlie puts his palm to the window and on it reads "Not Penny's Boat". Desmond is flashing back to what happened on The Island. He breaks Charlie out of the car and they both end up in the hospital. The docs want to do an MRI on Desmond. While in the machine, he has another flash of Island life and Penny. In his Sideways life, he doesn't know Penny. But while undergoing the MRI, he sees her and feels the love between them. He goes searching for Charlie to get some answers.

He finds Charlie running through the hospital. When he catches up to him, Charlie is happy to hear Desmond "felt it". Charlie says he is not going to perform at the rock show because none of that matters. He takes off. Desmond tells Widmore and Widmore makes Desmond tell his wife the bad news.

He heads to the performance site. I suppose I should mention that the limo driver Desmond has been cruising around with is George of the Nose Bleeding-Time Travelling Mind-No Constant Having-Died on the Freighter George. I kept expecting something to happen with him, but nothing did. Part of me believes that he was not a driver hired by Widmore, but is some sort of Island ghost.

Anyway, he tells Eloise the situation and she takes it all in stride. As he walks away, he hears someone read Penny's name off the list. He asks to see the list and Eloise freaks out and says he's not ready yet. You see, Eloise knows. She knows all that has happened before and every timeline. But she wants things her way and is pissed that Desmond is starting to question things.

As Desmond heads back to his car, Daniel Faraday approaches him. He explains who he is and that he, too, is having visions and feelings. He says he saw a woman (Charlotte) and immediately loved her like he has loved her before. That night he went home and wrote in his journal a physics diagram for a nuclear bomb. He showed it to some professors who told him that there is no way he could have created that with no training. He says that he thinks he may have had training in another life and that he just may have set off this bomb. He then tells Desmond that Penny is his half-sister and tells him that she will be working out a stadium that night.

Desmond heads there and meets Penny and then faints - just like he would do back on The Island when his mind was travelling. After coming to, they agree to meet up for coffee later. He gets back in his limo and asks George if he can give him the manifest for the Oceanic flight he was just on. George says no problem, but why? Desmond says he needs to make sure they all "see" something.

It's also worth mentioning that when Desmond passed out in front of Penny, the show brought us back to The Island. Desmond had just been revived after being magnetically fried by Widmore. He now understands the purpose Widmore has for him and says he will help. As Tina Fey is walking him back to the barracks, shots ring out and people flee. It's Sayid. He says Widmore is evil and Desmond must join him. Desmond, in his haze, agrees and they leave.

My guess is that Desmond will soon pass out while walking with Sayid. Because just as they left, we then flashed to Desmond asking Penny out for coffee in Sideways land. I think bringing Desmond to The Island has caused his mind to warp and flash just like it did before he found his Constant.

Other Observations and Questions
- If Desmond not pushing the button caused Oceanic Flight 815 to crash, how lucky of a coincidence was it for Jacob that so many of candidates were on it? Or was Desmond not the cause and Jacob made it happen? Or did Jacob make it happen through Desmond? Is that how it all ties together? Is Jacob coordinating all of it? Obviously he is with his lists and lighthouse mirrors and the whole touching thing. But it has to tie to the Eloise/Desmond/Widmore/Faraday story somehow.

- Or were the candidates chosen after the crash because Jacob thought, what the hell, why not give these folks a try? Then he went back into their lives via The Island's time travelling capabilities and made them all "special". Maybe because his plan to keep bringing people to The Island to test them and prove something to Smokey (as we learned in Richard's episode) wasn't working as planned? Or does Jacob just have millions of candidates out in the world and so when planes crash on The Island, he's always covered?

- On a Dharma note, isn't it funny how Dharma just doesn't really matter anymore? Dharma was, at one time, the big mystery. Now it's just a group of hippy scientists who found The Island, saw that it was wacky, and decided to do tests there. Then they got exterminated by The Others and all of their equipment has just been very convenient for everyone else. Poor Dharma.

I think I need to stop here. That was a lot and I can't quite wrap my head around anymore.

Any theories? Post below!

Bang and Blame

"The whole world hinges on your swing"

This is my favorite lyric of the moment and it comes from the song "Bang and Blame" by R.E.M.

I can't embed the video (stupid Warner Brothers), so you'll just have to follow the YouTube link to hear it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FNfB6WfwM4

Another Monday, Another Open Mic Night

I performed, once again, at O'Donovan's Open Mic Night last night. I hope that I don't sound ungrateful. I love doing it. But I'm eager to move on and do more. I feel like I've been working at this for so long already, but I really haven't. I've spent my adult life writing songs, so it feels like a long time for me. But, really, it's only been since January that I've been pursuing any sort of external desire to do this. And do what? I don't know. I just want to play my own shows, maybe get my name on a flier, and make an album that I can sell for a couple of bucks when I play my shows. That's it. I don't want fame or superstardom or to be the next big local act. I just want to play shows around town. Either by myself or in a band. And make an album.

The album part is already coming together. I've got the songs. I've been recording. I just need to make them sound more polished. I've got someone to work with to make the album artwork. Then I just plan to start burning cds and putting them out at shows - or open mic nights as that is all that I seem to play.

Like I said, not that I'm ungrateful. It's just hard to get people to show up when you don't know for sure if it's happening, you don't know when you're playing or how many songs you get to do. An invitation that reads the following does not sound very enticing: I'll be playing tonight at this place, maybe, for at least one song, maybe more, at some time that I can't even begin to gauge - please come.

And, at most, I get only 3 songs to showcase myself. So, I've always got to pick the attention grabbers. I don't really get to test out others. It's just very frustrating.

But everyone has to start somewhere.

I don't know why I feel the need to rush this. I just want to do more! more! more! I feel like I'm playing catch up. I need to remember to slow down and not take the enjoyment out of it. Otherwise, what's the point?

Setlist for last night: "Good to Know", "Minnesota", "Good".

Fantasy Baseball 2010

For the second year in a row, I've joined a Fantasy Baseball group. Last year, I came in third (I think). This year, I got first pick and ended up quite happy with my team. My first pick was Joe Mauer. I know, total homer. But, come on, it's Joe Mauer! That's not a bad pick. Here's how the rest of my team looks:

Starting Line Up
Pitcher: Philadelphia Phillies (we draft pitching by the team)
Catcher: Joe Mauer
1st Base: Miguel Cabrera
2nd Base: Robinson Cano
3rd Base: David Wright
Short Stop: Jason Bartlett
OF: Grady Sizemore
OF: Mark DeRosa
OF: Jason Kubel
Utility: Michael Young

On the Bench
Pitcher: New York Mets
Catcher/U: Miguel Montero
1st Base/U: Garrett Jones
2nd Base/U: Orlando Hudson
OF: Carlos Beltran
OF: Jay Bruce

Not too bad.

On the Charts

I made it to #91 on the Onstage.com Folk charts. It's quite the moment.

For Sale

My songs are now available to buy! For 99 cents, you can buy a song. I was hesitant at first because these recordings are super basic home recordings. Demos. But, what the hell. Just call me indie. You can get them here: www.ourstage.com/profile/nikibecker/songs and the better rating you give them, the more traffic my page will get. So, you know, I hope you like them.

Sausage

This is Sausage. She and I have had our differences over the years. We had a love/hate relationship when we lived together that mostly leaned on the hate side. She really disliked me and she let me know it.

It is true I favored her more social brother, Pinky. When I would share my bag of Doritos with him, she would sit in the corner, glaring. I would always offer her a treat, but she would not budge. She was a stubborn gal and would never let you see her beg. Except in the mornings. God forbid you were the first one up and did not run to her food bowl and fill it up right away. She would follow you around the apartment howling at your every step.

She made you earn her respect. Not sure I ever achieved that with her. But she had mine.

The fact that I had this multi-leveled relationship with this cat made her very special to me.

Today is her last day. I will miss her very much. I'm sad I didn't get to say goodbye. But not that she would have cared. Or maybe she would have. Either way, she would never let me see it.