Resilience

My dad had a scary day yesterday. He contracted some strange virus and was hemorrhaging and had to get emergency surgery in a very weakened state. He made it through surgery and is recovering and all his vitals are looking good (knock on wood).

My dad is 70 years old. He’s a diabetic. He is missing his right leg below the knee due to diabetic complications and is blind – also due to diabetes. He had been suffering from flu like symptoms for the past month and was severely dehydrated and weak when he went into the hospital last Thursday. Needless to say, it’s amazing he made it through such a traumatic operation.

Due to the health conditions he’s had for the last few years, I’ve had myself in a sort of readied state, knowing That Phone Call could come at any time. I’ve been preparing myself for so long that I actually had this fear that when his time does come, I wouldn’t even cry because I had overprepared and already grieved.

But yesterday I got That Phone Call - well, a version of it - and my fears did not come true. Because I sobbed. I was so scared.

My dad is incredibly tough. The family has joked that, even with all of his health problems, he’s going to outlive us all. He once had an abscess on his jaw and instead of going to the doctor, he just cut it out himself. No numbing device - just sliced it out. Pain has never bothered him.

But still, things were pretty bleak yesterday and I know he’s tired. He’s been tired for a long time. His resilience is amazing.

I always feel like I’m a person who can handle death well. I’ve been around it so often. But after yesterday, I know that when my dad goes, I can only hope to be as resilient as him.