I can’t do anything. I was home for two days. For two days I did not leave the house, and I did nothing. I didn’t clean. I didn’t get the piles of laundry done that I desperately need to do. I didn’t work on anything music related. I just lay on the couch – occasionally I sat at the computer – and watched episodes of Little House on the Prairie (finished season 3) and Weeds (finished season 6) - completely useless to the world and to myself.
The road to recovery has not been helped by the lack of sleep I’ve been enduring when every night this week, my dog has decided to get up repeatedly and wander the house. I’m not sure what’s wrong with him. He’s old. He hasn’t had any of his pain pills all week because, during the waking hours, he seems fine. But I think he might be hurting at night and just can’t lay down for that long. So, I’ll give him a pill for the next couple of nights and see if that helps.
But back to being sick…there is something about being ill that makes you feel like you’ve lost your mind, or at least I feel that way. Everything stops. You live in this weird little world where all you know is the sickness you feel in your head. I end up feeling bad for everything. For missing work, for not helping around the house, for being gross in all my sickness, but at the same time, I don’t care. Like I said, the world seems to stop for me and I don’t really believe things are going on as normal outside my den of sickness. My husband comes and goes. I speak to him briefly. He even brings me goodies to help me: Fritos, ice cream, soup, Sprite, Advil…but I just feel like our conversations are only happening in my head. I made the mistake of watching Inception again while I’m feeling this way and related to the feeling of delusion and a dream state a little too closely.
I have a show next Thursday that I’ve really been looking forward to. I would really like to get a practice session in before then, but I certainly can’t sing right now and my energy level is next to nothing. I can’t even think that I might not be better by Thursday. I will be performing no matter what, but it would be really nice to feel well while doing it.
To top all of this off, my dad is in the hospital. He’s been sick for about a month and my sister that he lives with finally brought him in. He has an infection in his colon. He’s lost over 25 pounds. He was severely dehydrated. I spoke to him yesterday and he sounded much better, but for a while there, I was certain that this was it and I’m really not sure how I would deal with that.
But for now, he’s being cared for and things look like they are getting better.
So, here I am, back at work. Sick.
It finally caught me. Now I’m the gross one sneezing and blowing my nose and infecting everything. I hate being that person. And, as usual, here’s the songs that are helping me get through the day:
- “Oh, Sister” – Dan Bern
- “Present/Infant” – Ani Difranco
- “Josephine” – Tracy Bonham
- “Alice Springs” – Liz Phair
- “Hate” – Cat Power
- “Five String Serenade” – Mazzy Star
- “Erase Your Monkey” – Grickle Grass
- “Rayner Park” – Rank Strangers
- “Second Intermission” – Ani Difranco
- “Everybody’s Baby” – Dan Bern
- “Teeth” – Lisa Hannigan
- “Feed the Tree” – Belly
- “Liquid Diamonds” – Tori Amos
- “Best Days” – Blur
- “Fox and Hound” – Haley Bonar
- “The Mess We’re In” – PJ Harvey
- “Black Sand” – Jenny Lewis
- “Jack Kramer Wood Racket” – Dan Bern
- “City Middle” – The National
- “Blue Light” – Mazzy Star
- “Carbon Reactor” – Birds of Virginia
- “Lord, Don’t Slow Me Down” – Oasis
- “Made You Move” – Lykke Li
- “Fuck and Run” – Liz Phair
- “Black Gold” – Soul Asylum
Ladies represent! They’ve really come out to play today.
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