Favorite Songs Ever, Part 2: "Joyful Girl" - Ani Difranco

Ani Difranco has long been my favorite artist. I first heard her when I was 16 and really into learning to play my acoustic guitar and writing angry songs. She was my inspiration. She was my idol.


What’s strange about Ani, is that she has such a stigma attached to her. You can’t actually tell people that Ani Difranco is your favorite musician because it automatically puts an idea in their head about you. They think you’re silly. They think you’re easily angered. They think you take yourself too seriously. They think you’re a “grrrrrrrl”.

But, she is. She is mine. I always come back to her. She taught me how to play guitar. She taught me how to sing. She taught me how to write. Luckily, I don’t think I copy her style in my own songs. Besides the fake nails I wear, my songs are nowhere near as angry or political. But she does come through.

Being that she is my favorite artist, she has a multitude of songs that could be deemed a favorite, so a while back I decided I needed to pick a favorite. “Joyful Girl” was the winner.

It didn’t win by default. It won completely on its own merits. It is a beautiful song. She once said it was her attempt at writing a hymn. I think that’s awesome. It certainly has a churchy/spiritual quality to it.

The lyrics are unapologetic, as are all of Ani’s songs. But they are much more delicate. They are self-reflective and blatantly so:

“cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says do you prefer the easy way
no, well ok then
don’t cry”

There was a time in my youth where I aspired to live this song. To live my life in an unapologetic and strictly my own way. To “just do it for the joy it brings”. And I still am trying and I think I’m finally getting there.

Below is the music video for this song. It is one of very few videos she has made and it is also a remix of the album version. Still very cool.

Tweezing, Facebook, and Parties

I had my eyebrows tweezed last night for the first time. Nothing major. Just took care of a few strays that were starting to get out of control. There are so many things that normal females do that I just can’t be bothered with. I listen to girls talk sometimes and I have no idea what they are talking about. But, tweezing my eyebrows will now be something I will do more often. I’ve noticed the older I’m getting, the hairier I’m getting. And I don’t like it. I like to appear somewhat feminine and crazy old man eyebrows and lip hair is not the way to do that.

_________________________________________________

Facebook has ruined the way I communicate, especially in the written form. If someone sends me an email and I agree with what they are saying, I frantically search for the “Like” button and then get annoyed when it’s not there. What do you mean I have to write out a response to this? Ugh. I’ve taken to making the smiley face instead. : )

But, I do love Facebook. It makes me happy. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve gotten to know better because of Facebook. And not just online. Getting to know them through Facebook has brought us closer together outside of the internet. Then there’s all of the people from my past who I get to keep in touch with and see their pictures and know what’s going on in their lives.

_________________________________________________

Just three more days until the big CD Release Party! Things are magically falling into place and my nerves are only somewhat killing me. My house has been transformed into a club. There is a drumset in my living room. There are Christmas lights everywhere. And, soon, everyone who wants to will be able to hear my album and that’s scary and exciting.

Oh, and here’s the cover!

Cars Part 2, 1990 Ford Taurus

(Once again, not my actual car. Mine was blue)

My 1990 Ford Taurus came into my life only because my first car broke down less than a mile from a creepy little dealership off of Highway 212 outside of Shakopee, MN. I needed a phone to call for a ride. The creepy dealership guy let me use his phone. And while I waited for my dad to come get me, he smooth talked me into coming back later to buy a car from him. I, then, talked my dad into going back there and purchasing a car. I felt bad. He let me use his phone. He was creepy, but nice.

We went there to test drive some cars. Most of them were full of fail. One even started smoking less than a mile from where we took off. But, not the Taurus. It was blue. I hate blue. But it had a tape player and automatic windows. This was a pretty big deal to me. A tape player was my #1 requirement in my new car. My dad just wanted to get the hell out of there. We signed the papers and I drove away in my new to me car.

Considering the car was a 1990 and the year was 1996, it felt pretty new. A lot newer than my old Pontiac. What’s odd about this car is that I don’t remember much more about it. I owned it for at least a year, if not longer. But, I don’t recall a lot of fun times in the car. I7 was a lost year for me. I don’t remember much about being 17.

My time with this car ended when I left work and went to go start it and the ignition wouldn’t turn. At all. It was stuck. No one could get it to move. The car was left in my work parking lot for the rest of the week. One day, I decided to go try it again. It turned. I don’t know what I did differently, but it worked. So, I kept driving it. The ignition problem kept happening on and off.

Then, one day, in the mail I received a discount coupon for a dealership. They were having some big promotion and I decided to head down there. I pulled up in my Taurus and turned off the car. I realized I was parked in a bad spot, so I went to turn the car back on and move it. The ignition wouldn’t turn. I was stuck in the parking lot of a dealership with a car that wouldn’t start. There was no way I was getting out of there without buying a new car.

So I did.

She Can't Really Think This Looks Good

Why, Christina?

I mean, you're a beautiful girl...but you're orange. And the hair is...odd. And all of that make-up. Why?

Wild Times

I played at Wild Tymes again on Saturday and it was one of my better shows. At least, I thought so. The bar was quite full. The band that played after me brought a ton of people. It was probably the most people I played in front of that wasn’t an open mic night.

I tried to keep the set list upbeat, as the other bands were all very rock n’ roll and I am just myself with my acoustic guitar. I thought I did a good job “rocking out”. I had a blast playing my guitar. It was probably the first time playing live that I actually enjoyed playing my guitar more than singing. I love playing my guitar, but when playing live, I’m so focused on which lyric is next that the guitar usually takes second place. But, I had just put some brand new fake nails on and I was feeling extra “plucky” and just wanted to make it sound really loud. And I think I succeeded.

I played there a couple of weeks ago and it was probably one of my worst shows. I kept screwing up the guitar and I was really distracted and not feeling well. So it was nice to come back and do it up right.

I also debuted a new/old song. It’s a song called “Tip-Toed” that was supposed to go on this album coming out soon, but it has this weird drum breakdown part that I just wasn’t sure if I was up to working on. I have never played it live because of that breakdown and without it, the song gets to be a bit repetitive. But, I think I might work on a live version of it because it was fun to play.

Favorite Songs Ever, Part 1: "We Are Nowhere and It's Now" - Bright Eyes

Notice I said “Part 1” and not “Number 1”. I’m not going to put these in any order. I’m just going to list them as they strike my fancy. Wow. That’s a terrible phrase.

I’ve already written a few posts about some of my favorite songs. They weren’t listed in this category. They were just written about, so I’m not going to write about them again. You can find those entries here,here,and here. There may be a couple more, but I can't find them.

I didn’t love this song when I first heard it. I didn’t love this album when I first heard it. It took hearing each song on their own at random times to really make it happen for me. Now, as a whole, I love this album. I just think that the first time through, it’s a lot of Bright Eyes whining to take all at once. I think that’s the case for a lot of his albums. And I don’t mean whining in a necessarily bad way. I really do enjoy Bright Eyes. But his voice is nasally and he does complain a lot in his songs.

I think this song first started seeping into my skin when I caught the last verse and Conor Oberst and Emmy Lou Harris’s voices blend so heartbreakingly on the line “she took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me she said this one will bring you love”.

But, oddly enough, the song really didn’t connect with me until I was watching the movie Knocked Up. I hated this movie when I first saw it but then found myself watching when it was on TV and really grew on me.

There is a part in the movie where Katheine Heigl and Seth Rogen part ways for a bit. She is nearing the end of her pregnancy and he is still being a jackass. They fight. They split up. This song then plays over a montage of them going through their days. She is going to birthing classes and prepping the nursery. He is moving out of the house he lives in with his stoner friends, getting a job, getting a nicer apartment. For whatever reason, this song combined with those scenes really moved me. I always find myself tearing up. Stupid Judd Apatow.

After that happened, I went to my iTunes to give the song a listen on its own and it has completely changed for me. The music and the voices are so perfectly matched to those beautiful, beautiful lyrics.

And, even with all it has going for it, I think I would love it just for these lines alone:

“like a 10 minute dream in the passenger seat
while the world was flying by
I haven’t been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime”

I don’t know why, but just typing those lyrics make my eyes well up. Is it because it’s just such a normal thing to write about? We’ve all daydreamed in the passenger seat. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had those moments. R.E.M. made a whole video about those moments. It takes a very special writer to make something as casual as looking out the window in a passenger seat convey such emotion. And this song is filled with those lines.

“you see the stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea still lives on”

“and my friend comes after work
When the features start to blur”

And, as mentioned above:

“she took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me
She said this one will bring you love
And I don’t know if it’s trueBut I keep it for good luck”

You can hear the song here:

Too Old For This

I went to two happy hours this week. One was a total “corporate” happy hour. A function held to celebrate a job well done. The table was surrounded with people who, most likely, would not normally go out to the bar together. Still, it was a fine time and it ended at a reasonable hour. I think I was home by 7pm.

Last night, we had a “real” happy hour. 4 co-workers who get along on a personal level and discuss non-work related things. It was only supposed to be one, maybe two, drinks. It turned into several. Several drinks of cheap, tap beer at a really shitty bar. This bar is known as a cop bar. Hanging from the ceilings are the doors of various law enforcement vehicles filled with the autographs of local law enforcement officers. The staff consists of “ladies” in tube tops and hot pants. One barely dressed young woman danced atop a table with a sign saying “Beer Sold Here”. You have to wonder why she just doesn’t go all the way and start stripping. The money would be much better, and there is a little more dignity in it.

The atmosphere of the place really lends itself to drinking heavily. The beers went down like water and the next thing I know it’s 8:30. Yes, I know, that’s not very late. But two nights of post-work going out in the middle of the week catches up to me very quickly. I really need my unwinding time in the evenings. I need my time at home in front of the computer, relaxing and sorting through my thoughts. I do not need to make a habit of going out during the work week.

I really feel my age on mornings like this. There was a time, in my early twenties, where I could go out until 3-4am and get up for work the next morning with nothing more than a slight headache. Now, I go out, get to bed by 10pm and struggle getting up in the morning. It’s sad.

It’s not that I want to stay out until 4am. Not at all. And it’s not that I want to go out every night. I just want to be able to stay up past 10pm and not feel like I want to die the next day.

If I’m going to give this music thing a go, I need to adjust my internal clock.

Favorite Songs

I have this grand idea to post my Top 10 or 20 or 100 favorite songs. I’ve been working on this project on and off for months now and I can’t get it narrowed down past 200. I think I need to determine what makes a Favorite Song.

There are obvious choices. Songs that stop me in my tracks and I have to listen to them always. Songs that conjure up fiercely strong emotions, whether happy or sad. Songs that remind me of a specific place and time.

But then there are songs that I just really like. These are the ones I’m having a hard time with. Some days, they would fit under one of the categories listed above. Somedays they are just songs on my iPod shuffling through my ears. But, to leave them off the list, would seem wrong and disrespectful to them.

There’s also the pressure of making it a “cool” list. Of course I love the song “You Got It All” by The Jets. Whenever it comes on, I sing along and I am happy. But would I really add it to my list of Most Favorite Songs Ever? Probably not.

Then, there is the question of numbering the list. Do I put them in order? Do I pick my Most Ultimate Song? How difficult will that be when I can’t even get it narrowed down to a Best Of Top 100?

Maybe, maybe I make it an ongoing series highlighting different songs once a week or bi-weekly or something like that. That might be the best solution.

Yes, that is what I will do.

Stay tuned!

Cars

Our car was due for an oil change, so I brought it into the dealership on Saturday. Say what you want about bringing your car to the dealership for maintenance. I know some people really frown on that. But the oil change is super cheap there and they wash the car. As long as you fight off all the extras they try to throw your way, it’s fine.

But on Saturday they threw an extra my way that I knew was going to happen soon: We needed new front brakes. They’d mentioned over a year ago that they were wearing thin, so this was no surprise. Since the procedure was going to take a while, they gave me a loaner and I went home.

Driving around in this new car (a brand new Subaru Outback- loved it), I began to think about all the cars I’ve had since I could drive. I think it would be fun to create a series of post taking a look down memory lane on the cars that have been a part of my life.

My First Car

My first car was a 1986 Pontiac 6000.

(Not my actual car. Picture it in white with a lot more rust)

I got it in 1995, so it was no spring chicken. My dad bought it from a co-worker. Before he found this one, he had his eyes on a Pontiac Thunderbird. I told him that’s a boy car and I didn’t want to drive some muscle car around town. I was an idiot. That would have ruled.

I had this car for just a few months before I got into my first accident. And it was a bad one. I was following my best friend out to her house in the country. I had never driven out there before. She drove like a maniac down these gravel roads. I glanced at my speedometer and I was going 75 mph. The dust from her car was completely obstructing my view. I was 16 and wasn’t concerned. Why would I be? One of my favorite songs from my childhood had just come on the radio and I hadn’t heard it in years. The song was Carly Simon’s “Coming Around Again”. I turned up the radio and sang along in a state of pure bliss. I was 16. I had my own car. I was driving by myself living the moment I had dreamed of. Driving by myself with the radio cranked and singing at the top of my lungs on a beautiful spring day. I was taken out of the moment when I realized I could actually see in front of me again. Jael, my friend, had disappeared. Her car was nowhere. Then I saw a turn and saw her car out of the corner of my eye going up the road. So, I slammed on my brakes. I did not remember the part from Driver’s Ed about not slamming on your brakes while going 75 mph on a loose surface. My car began to spin and I found myself tumbling down into the ditch. I remember my eyes being open the whole time and just watching the world flip around. I finally stopped rolling when the car landed up against a telephone pole. Luckily, the roof over the backseat is what made the impact. One foot off and I wouldn’t be typing this today.

I assessed my situation and was relieved to see my window down. I crawled out of my window, cursing myself for wearing a dress that day as it was now riding up over my hips, and got a good view of the damage. The back window was gone. The roof over the backseat was completed dented in. There was some smoke seeping out from under the hood. But, still playing, was “Coming Around Again”. My hands were shaking. I started to cry.

My friend found me sitting in the ditch and shaking. She started to laugh. In her defense, I’m sure it all looked pretty ridiculous and she could see I was okay. She went to get her brother, who tipped the car back over and drove it to their place. I made the awful phone call to my dad to tell him what happened. He was not pleased. I made Jael drive my car home as I was certain it was going to blow up. I drove hers. She knew I was being an idiot.

I spent a big part of the spring with no rear window until we could get it replaced. The car was never quite the same after that. Eventually, the radio started to go out. I would have to smack the dashboard really really hard to get it to come back on.

It broke down about a year later while I was driving home. Oddly, it happened about half a mile from a creepy little used car lot. It was the closest place with a phone. It is not ideal to walk into a creepy little used car lot and have to tell them that your car just broke down and you need to use their phone. It’s like their dream come true. I did end up buying a car from them. But, I’ll get to that in my next post.

Craziness

There's a lot going on right now. I know I keep saying that, but there is. And I'm not just saying that to be all, hey look at me and how busy my life is. It's just been a crazy month with one thing after the other. It's becoming difficult to keep up.

My album is at the printers. I'm ridiculously excited to hold the whole finished product in my hands. I have a CD release party planned for October 2nd and the preparation for that has taken over my brain. It is all I think about. From wondering if anyone will actually show up to making sure every cupboard and closet is cleaned out. Because, for whatever insane reason, we've decided to hold it at our home. 3 bands and me and my tiny living room and 200 people invited. Should be an interesting time (sorry, neighborhood. But, it's just one night).

I have a wisdom tooth coming in. This was discovered over the last couple of days. I'm going to try to get in with my dentist tomorrow and hope that he tells me it will all be okay until after the party. I can't deal with a gaping bloody hole in my mouth when I have so many other things to do between now and the 2nd.

I'm going to make it a priority to post on this blog again. It's really slipped this month (but like I said, I'm busy!). So expect more posts.

I'm also going to redirect you to other internet things I do.

I've got a website now! The domain name was a birthday gift from my husband and I've got it up and running. I need to learn how to make it fancier, but it's out there.

www.nikibecker.com

I've also uploaded some new songs from the new album to my MySpace page. I hope you like them!

www.myspace.com/nikibecker

Yay, internet!

It's Cold

And windy. And grey. And September. And summer is quickly coming to an end. And I already have that feeling of despair usually reserved for mid January after sunlight has been limited to just 8 hours of the day and never the 8 hours you are able to see it. Always just during office hours. It’s dark on the way into work and dark on the way home. Not that you can go outside anyway because it’s minus 28 degrees outside with a windchill of -40 and there is 18 inches of snow on the ground and a sheet of ice just waiting for you to slip.

And how does the weather know what month it is? I know summer doesn’t officially end until September 21st, but don’t we all think of September 1st as the end of summer? Mother Nature sure does. August 31st, it’s almost 90 degrees outside. September 1st, it’s 70. Friday, September 3rd: I think it might be 60 degrees. Might.

I used to like winter. Or, at least, I liked wearing sweaters and mittens and scarves and warm, oversized clothing. But I just can’t do it anymore. I already miss the sun. I noticed when I woke up at my usual time this morning it was still a little dark out. It’s just too soon. Then I began to think about that weekend in October when Daylight Savings happens and, sure, you get an extra hour that first day, but then the next morning you wake up and it’s pitch black out and it’s so depressing.

Ugh.

Summer just seems so short these days. It feels like you have to cram so much enjoyment into such a short timeframe before winter shows up and holds you hostage in your home – a home that no longer has cable television.

But, I will try to cheer up. I can’t get the winter blues this early. Tomorrow it is supposed to be 70 and sunny and beautiful and I will be making my final trip to the State Fair. This time, I will not be working at all. It will be pure enjoyment.

And summer will live another day.

It's 9.02.10 Day!

It’s always fun when the actual date lines up to become something else. Well, maybe fun is a little strong of a word. Either way, today is 9.02.10. Beverly Hills, 90210 (the original) was, is, and always will be one of my favorite shows. I loved it when it first aired and I love it still. A couple of years ago, back when I still had a cable, I caught the first episode on SoapNet and ended up watching the entire series over the course of a summer. It was wonderful. Every season is great. Oddly, I found myself enjoying the post-college years the most. Kelly was so fun to hate then. It’s hard to hate her as a teen. You can almost feel bad for her. Her mom is an ex-junkie, her dad is non-existent, everyone in school thinks she’s a slut. It’s tough. But as an adult she becomes so self-righteous with no reason to be. She’s the one who sleeps with her friend’s boyfriend, she’s the one who cheats on her boyfriend with the same guy, she’s the one who starts using meth. Ugh. I hate Kelly.

I also liked Valerie, Brenda’s replacement. I thought she had a lot more depth. And, she was truly evil and she owned it.

David Silver grew on me over the years, too. He started out as such a little doofus and ended up becoming the only normal person on the show. He just kind of floated along in the background living his little DJ life, having some girlfriends, pining over Donna, trying to be the next Babyface. Out of all of them, he’s probably the only one who had any real reason to whine, but he never did. His dad was a cheater, his mom was crazy, and he watched his best friend accidentally kill himself. That’s a lot to deal with, but he rarely complained. Sure, he got mixed up in drugs, but he got over it.

But, the all time greatest character on 90210 is Steve Sanders.

My goodness that is a fabulous haircut.

What was his purpose? He did nothing the entire series. Sure, he stole the key to the school. But that’s really the only thing I remember him doing. Yet, he is memorable. He was always there, ready to make a wisecrack.

So, happy 90210 Day, Sanders!