Goodbye, 2010

It's been an amazing year. Probably one of my most amazing-est. I accomplished a lifelong dream this year, and it wasn't even that hard to do. It made me realize that you can do anything if you just put your heart into it. That may sound cheesy, but it is true.

I'm just incredibly satisfied with 201o. I hope 2011 continues on this high.

Here's to a Happy New Year for you and yours (and mine)!

The Reluctant Graveyard Charity Remix

Musician Jeremy Messersmith offered up the songs on his critically acclaimed album The Reluctant Graveyard to remix and then purchase on Bandcamp with all proceeds going to Doctors Without Borders. I submitted a track for this project. I remade "Deathbed Salesman". You can check it out here.

A great project for a great cause!

The Best Albums of 2010 (In My Opinion)

Last year I did a multi-post write up of my favorite movies/music/TV of the past year. But, seeing as I only saw one movie in the theater this year (Toy Story 3 – which was amazing) and that I’ve written about my favorite TV in other posts, I thought I’d just stick to music this year, as it is what I like best.

So here’s a rundown of the albums that I’ve enjoyed that were released this year:

1. The National: High Violet

I never would have thought this album would become my #1 of the year when it was first released back in May. Even though they are my favorite band, it just didn’t grab me like their previous work has done. The first single, “Bloodbuzz Ohio” is such a frantic piece that I expected the album to be filled with that vibe. But it’s a little slow, a little quiet, a little more lyrically abstract. But with each listen, I loved it more and more. The songs are huge. They are sprawling. They are intense. They encompass every part of your head as you listen. “Terrible Love” has shot up to my Top 5 Songs of All Time list (not that I have an official list anywhere. Just in my head). They released an expanded addition of the album a couple of months ago and there is an alternate version of “Terrible Love” on it that blows my mind. This album is one that will be remembered years from now.

Top Tracks: “Terrible Love”, “Bloodbuzz Ohio”, “Runaway”, “Afraid of Anyone”, “Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks”

2. She & Him: Volume 2

This is the album I thought would be #1 for the year. It’s not that it did anything wrong to drop down to the #2 spot. The National just won me over in the end. But this album is summertime. This album makes me want to sing. This album makes me want to get in my car and drive and sing at the top of my lungs. This album makes me want to sit in my back yard with a beer on a beautiful sunny summer day and annoy my neighbors by singing along at top volume, which wouldn’t really be all that loud because it’s a pretty mellow album. Not mellow in a sad way, but mellow in a lazy summer day way. This album kicked off a girl-crush on Zooey Deschanel that only grew stronger after watching (500) Days of Summer (go see this movie!). Her voice is so soothing and the songs are adorable.

Top Tracks: “Lingering Still”, “Home”, “Gonna Get Along Without You Now”, “Thieves”

3. Jenny and Johnny: I’m Having Fun Now

Like She & Him, Jenny and Johnny is album made for summer. Bummer it wasn’t released until September. This is an album filled with upbeat, delightful duets between boyfriend and girlfriend Jenny Lewis and Johnathan Rice. Though, lyrically, some of the songs come across as being a bit bitter, the melodies and music help to keep it playful. It’s short. It’s poppy. It’s fun – just like the title suggests.

Top Tracks: “Big Wave”, “New Yorker Cartoon”, “Just Like Zeus”, “Switchblade”, “Scissor Runner”

4. Mimicking Birds: Mimicking Birds

If mellow is what you’re looking for, than this is the album for you. These guys first caught my attention when I had a “driveway moment” with the song “Burning Stars” on 89.3 The Current. I assumed it was a new Modest Mouse song, as the lead singer sounds just like the guy from Modest Mouse, only to find out that Isaac Brock was singing back up and produced this album, but these aren’t his songs. They are sparse, simple, acoustic, dream-like songs. Nate Lacey sings almost under his breath. He whispers strange imagery to you as acoustic guitars duel in the background along with the constant thump of a bass drum. If it were a movie, it would be what they call a “sleeper hit”. It’s just kind of there, but it’s so good when it is.

Top Tracks: ”Burning Stars”, “Remnants and Pictures”, “Them”

5. Sufjan Stevens: The Age of Adz

I’m going to be honest, I’m still in the process of this one. I bought it because I really enjoy what Sufjan has done in the past. I think he’s an amazing songwriter and just incredibly talented. I had heard so much negativity surrounding this album that I held off on purchasing it for the longest time. Then one day I just thought, what the hell? And I bought it. And I wasn’t sure what to think. So I put it on my iPod and let the songs just come to me as they (or my iPod) wanted them to. One by one they each began to grow on me and now I think this album is pretty amazing. It suits the weather around here perfectly. Sufjan’s albums always seem perfect for the long, cold, dark winter months and this one is no different. I look forward to having it around in January.

Top Tracks: “Futile Devices”, “Now That I’m Older”, “I Walked”

6. Royaume Des Morts: Royaume Des Morts

I saw this band when I went to Montreal in October of 2009. I thought they were fantastic-ly weird and hunted them down on the internet to pick up whatever they had out there. They had nothing. I friended them on MySpace and kept tabs on what they had going on and then, finally, they announced they were releasing their self-titled album. I bought it right away. I was concerned that my memory of them was stronger than what their actual output would be. But it wasn’t. This is a fun album only marred by the vocals being placed so far back in the mix. Not sure why they did this, but it is the only thing that stops this album from being placed higher on the list. When I do catch the lyrics, they sound incredibly fun and catchy and I wish to sing along. But straining to hear them just lessens the listening experience, so I choose to just enjoy it for what it is. And it is highly enjoyable.

Top Tracks: “The Tape Deck Ate My Hit”, “Motherless Kids Have Eyes”, “Miracle Whipped”

7. Cloud Cult: Light Chasers

I love Cloud Cult. I love how earnest they are. I love the epic-ness of their songs. The cellos, the horns, the guitars, the voices all swirling around to create this amazing swell of emotion. Each and every song created with such detail that you would think it would take years and years to put together, yet they have no problems releasing albums in a rapid manner. Light Chasers is a concept album. Being so, I was a little put off at first because it sounds like a concept album. There are interludes and noises and chapters. It just seemed a little too serious. But, like with Age of Adz, the individual tracks are what hooked me. The lead single “Running With the Wolves” is one of the best songs this band has ever done.

Top Tracks: “Running With the Wolves”, “There’s So Much Energy in Us”, “Forces of the Unseen”

8. Middlepicker: Your Machine is My Bastion

I know this band personally, so it makes it feel a little weird to put them on the list. I don’t know why that it is. I’m just weird that way. They put out a great album that I find is stuck in my head most days. Kyle and Kristin Koseracki’s vocals blend so perfectly together. The lyrics are fun. You can’t help but bop along as you listen.

Top Tracks: “USA Up All Nite”, “Kitchen”, “Feelin’ French”

9. Girl Talk: All Day

This isn’t really an album. It’s a mash-up of songs everyone knows. But it’s a whole lot of fun. If you are having a house party this New Year’s Eve, download this album and press play. Also, it’s free.

10. Ingrid Michaelson: Everybody

This is a girl’s album. I don’t want to put such gender roles on it, but it is a girl’s album. It is just girly girly girly. It’s not going to change your life. But it is pleasant to listen to. Pretty pop songs sung by a pretty voice. Sometimes that’s all you need. I am a girl and I approve of this album.

Top Tracks: “The Chain”, “Sort Of”, “So Long”

Almost There

The holidays are almost over. The time off has been nice, and I have another long weekend coming up this weekend, but I’m just ready to get back into things. Everything just gets put on hold for 10 days. Stores have weird hours. People are at work, but nothing is happening. Everyone is out of town. There are a ton of obligations. Dinners and shopping. Pressure. Pressure. Pressure.

But it’s almost over. And it will be January. And it will be cold. And there will be snow. More snow. Not that there is anywhere to put it. Another winter storm is on it’s way and expected to hit over the New Year weekend, which means another weekend stuck indoors. This weekend was probably the first weekend in a long while where it was warm and dry enough to actually go do something. But it was Christmas, so there was nothing to do.

But, if it does storm, I have plenty to do at home. You will find me curled up on the couch with my DVDs that I received as gifts.

1. Newsradio: The Complete Series
2. Little House on the Prairie: Season 1
3. Community: Season 1

I also received the Keith Richards biography and a book of poems by Lucille Clifton. So I will have plenty to do to keep my sanity. Hopefully.

I could also spend the weekend songwriting. And learning to play the banjo. This I must do.

Best Vet Ever

Murray, my dog, went in for his annual check up this weekend. I was very nervous. Over the last few months, he’s visibly changed. He’s slowed down. He stares at walls. He barks at nothing when he’s outside. He gets lost in the house. He has accidents.

I was certain they were going to tell us to put him on all sorts of medication and to stop giving him treats and that he doesn’t have much time left. But they didn’t. They did say he most likely has early dementia. Brain age. They told us not to punish him when he goes to the bathroom in the house, because he honestly doesn’t know he’s doing it. They told us to make sure to walk him at least twice a day in order to get his bowels emptied somewhere other than the house. They are doing blood work to make sure his kidneys and liver are still good. They are supposed to call us today if they are not and I haven’t heard anything yet. But, if they are good, then we are supposed to put him on a high protein diet to help his brain. This means he gets eggs, or chicken, or hamburger with his dinner. So tonight we are making a scrambled egg dinner and he gets to have his very own scrambled egg. He’s going to be the happiest dog in the world and I cannot wait.

I just think it’s so funny that he hates the vet. I hate taking him to the vet. Yet, what I thought would be the most devastating trip yet turned out to be great for Murray. I mean, he’s been pooping on the floor and what are we told to do? Take him for more walks, feed him more, and feed him eggs, chicken, or hamburger with his dinner. How did he get away with that?

Lyric Of The Day

"i had to leave the house of self-importance
to doodle my first tattoo
realize a tattoo is no more permanent
than i am, and who
ever said that life is suffering
i think they had their finger on the pulse of joy
ain't the power of transcendence
the greatest one we can employ"

-From Ani DiFranco's "Shroud"

Home Worked

Due to not wanting to freeze in negative temperatures while waiting for a bus that was sure to be at least 20 minutes late, I asked if I could work from home yesterday. I can access everything on my work computer through my home computer via our VPN. But, being that I’m an hourly employee, it’s a little tricky. But, my boss said it was okay. So I stayed home and worked.

Honestly, it has both its positives and negatives. On the plus side, I got to roll out of bed and work in my pajamas. I didn’t have to worry about what I was going to wear or making sure I was dressed warm enough for the bus wait and ride. I was able to openly surf the internet in between getting things done and not feel like a jerk about it. I got to have my stereo blasted and could sing along while posting jobs instead of quietly listening to headphones and occasionally mouthing along to the words. I got to hang out with my dog.

But, on the negative side, you really feel you have to be on your toes, more so than usual. I felt that if I didn’t answer every email immediately, everyone would assume I was slacking off watching daytime soaps or something. All the physical paperwork I needed I couldn’t get to (of course, this would be taken care of if I would have planned ahead to stay home and work). The VPN screen only fills up less than a quarter of my computer screen, so staring at the tiny box can put a lot of strain on the eyes. But, mostly the negative is the stress of assuming that everyone else is assuming that you are just slacking off.

But, I probably got more done yesterday than I do most days of being in the office. It was nice not to have the constant parade of people stopping by or having to have a 20 minute conversation in the kitchen every time I filled up my water bottle.

It was just nice to be home. Cozy and warm.

Snowpocalypse

Or Snowmageddon. Or Snow-M-G. Or Snowly Shit. Or Snownami.

Whatever you want to call it, it happened on Saturday. We got about 18 inches. It’s as miserable as it sounds.

You start to question why you would live somewhere that puts you through this every year. It makes you miserable. It’s awful. It’s negative something degrees out (do actuals really matter once you throw the negative sign in front of the temperature?), snow drifts are taller than me, sidewalks are treacherous, roadways are treacherous. It is dangerous to go outside. For real. Yet, we all do. We have to get to work. We have to get food. The dog has to go to the bathroom. We all keep living. Life goes on even when everything outside tells you to pack it in and never leave your house again.

Everyone is late for work. And everyone who has made it in is retelling their story from the blizzard. It’s getting old. It has gotten old. Yes, we all had to dig ourselves out of massive amounts of snow. It sucked. That’s what it is. Suck.

Community

If you are not watching Community, you are so missing out. I’ve been watching it since the first episode because I love Joel McHale and had to see how he handled really “acting”, and, admittedly, it started out a little slow – as most new shows do. But the characters were good and you could see it had promise. Although, even I was unsure how they could make a show about adults in community college hold up over multiple seasons.

They are now half way through season 2 and they seem to have figured that out.

The show has gone from regular sitcom filled with pop culture references and normal story arcs, to a complete parody of pop culture references done so well that you don’t even know they’re happening. It’s so smooth, so funny, and so out there, yet so sweet.

I will never expect a big wedding episode or someone having a baby. And if they do that, it will be done so awesomely and in complete self parody. The “will they or won’t they” storyline between Jeff and Britta was dealt with and moved out of the way back in season 1. The relationship between Jeff and Britta is so real for a show that finds itself mostly stuck in fantasy that it makes Friends seem like sci-fi.

Last night they aired their Christmas episode. I was nervous. They did it in stop-motion animation (think Rudolph). It just seemed a little too gimmicky. I didn’t think they could pull it off. But they did. Of course, they did. It was probably the most touching episode, but not in a total sappy way. It was just really good and I like it the more and more I think of it.

Season 1 is out on DVD and on my Christmas list. I suggest you pick it up.

It’s astounding that NBC is keeping this show on the air (for now). It’s really like nothing else on their line up. So watch it, so it stays there.

Radio Radio

My album went out to college radio stations across the country on November 23rd. I’ll get my first official report out next week, but I can’t stop googling myself each day to see if I show up on any online playlists. And I have. Which is exciting. Here’s where I know I’ve been played so far:

WLUR in Lexington, KY (well, they referenced me and “Cast a Spell” on their site. I guess I don’t know for sure if they actually played it)
KMSU in Mankato, MN (twice!) – “Minnesota”
WMHB in Waterville, ME – “Thursday”
WXDU in Durham, NC – “Cast a Spell”

It’s kind of crazy for me to think of my songs playing in all of these places. Even if it’s just once at 3am. Somebody heard it, right?

....AND I just had to edit this to say that I found out this morning that WMTU in Houghton, MI has me charting at #1 on their station. That might be the coolest news I've ever heard!

SWIM

My amazing friend, Jen March, started a project called Co-Kisser. The idea is to put poetry to film, but not just to read poetry over pictures, but to actually create a film based on a collection of poems. She kicked off the project with her own film and I was asked to help score it. I was honored by the request and had a great time collaborating on it with a couple of other folks.

You can learn more about the project and view the film, titled SWIM, on the website: www.co-kisser.com .

(and…Hello!...going to write more….starting….NOW)

Good TV

I thought this no cable television thing would be difficult once winter hit and winter has hit and it is a little hard. But with the internet and iTunes and DVDs, you really don’t need cable television to watch good television. I’m hooked on two new shows.

The Walking Dead












The Walking Dead is a show about zombies. Well, it’s more than that. I guess it’s more of a look at what we, as humans, would do in a zombie world. How would we react to each other? How would our morals change?

Either way, it’s really cool. It’s about zombies. Let’s face it.

It’s super gory and intense. The characters are a little one note and the dialogue can be a little forced. In a way, it reminds me a lot of Prison Break, if Prison Break had zombies, which I think is why I like it so much. Although, Prison Break was filled with horrible dialogue, stiff acting, and gaping plot holes. Right now, The Walking Dead just has the dialogue to deal with. The acting has been pretty good and no plot holes that I can see. But, we’re only 3 episodes in. I hope it can keep up the fast pace it has set up for itself without becoming too out of control. The third episode was definitely a set up episode and the zombies were kept to a minimum, which was fine. It needed that. And next week looks to be action packed.

Sherlock

Sherlock is a little more high brow than The Walking Dead. Okay, way more high brow. It’s a part of BBC Masterpiece Mystery and has been airing on TPT/PBS. It’s a modern day take on Sherlock Holmes. The acting is superb. The dialogue is witty and smart. The characters are engaging. The stories are intriguing. It’s so very well done.

The only problem is that it only had 3 episodes in its first season. They were 90 minutes long each, but still only 3. That’s the way they do things on the BBC. The next season isn’t planned to hit the states until next fall. It’s going to be a long wait.

If you haven’t seen it, the episodes are streaming on Masterpiece Mystery’s website until December 7th.

Unseasonable

When this stretch of beautiful weather ends, we will all be in for a shock. 67 degrees on November 10th? That just doesn’t happen in Minnesota.

I don’t know if this weather is the cause, but I am feeling super creative lately. I have ideas swimming in my head. Songs are coming out at rapid speed. This is all good because I am currently working with a couple of other musicians scoring a short film by a friend of mine. It’s something I certainly thought I’d never do, so the challenge has been a lot of fun.

My album has barely been out a month and I’m already looking ahead to the next. Although, I’m working with a promotions company to send the album to radio stations across the country, so if all goes well, I’ll be working this album for a while. It’s a good thing I like it and it’s something I’m proud of and eager to promote.

Now, if only I could get some more shows.

Going Nowhere

People say it takes money to make money. And they are correct. Everything that I want to do musically costs a fortune. Everything but writing. I can sit and write all day and it wouldn’t cost me a thing. Except, that writing doesn’t directly bring in any money and, therefore, it would cost me my home if I just sat at home writing all day. And, I really want some more instruments to write with. A piano, an organ, a new electric guitar, etc. All of those things cost money.

But, in order for me to make any money at all doing this music thing, I need money to work on it. I need money so I can stay home and work on it. I need money so I can get CDs printed. I need money so I can pay promoters and booking agents. I need money so I can travel. I need money for a website. I need money for merchandise. I need money for recording. I need money for instruments.

I’ve said that I regret not doing this when I was 20. It’s not because I think of all the possibilities of where I could be now if I just would have started 10 years ago. It’s because at 20, you can live the lifestyle of a struggling artist and it’s okay. Not that I can’t live that way now. But, now I have a mortgage, a car, a “career”. I have to keep up with these things. I can’t throw all of my eggs in this music basket. I don’t have the time to play around with it and I’ve made the choice to own a home, a car, and to work a 9-5 lifestyle to support that. Just because I now know what I want to do with my life, doesn’t mean I can drop everything and do it. I have to work around everything else and it’s incredibly frustrating.

I was invited to go to Nashville for some sort of artist showcase. I would play in front of industry types, they would give me their opinions, I could meet with them and get advice, and then, if they liked me, there’s a chance they would contact me about signing with them. Now, I don’t want to be on some major label. I don’t want to give away a ton of rights, just to sit at the bottom of their to do list only to end up owing them thousands of dollars in the years to come once they’ve tossed me aside, deciding I wasn’t marketable. But, the opportunity to network and meet other musicians and industry folk outside of my little Twin Cities Metro bubble seemed like something I shouldn’t pass up. And, hey! It’s Nashville! I’ve never been and this seemed like a good excuse to go. But, of course, there are conference fees, flights, a hotel room, all costing money that I just can’t justify spending money on at this time. So, then, if I’m not willing to spend money on that, then how much am I willing to do for this?

The bigger question would be: Do I want to make this a job? I know I don’t want to be an administrative assistant forever. That is the one thing I know for sure more than anything. But do I want to turn music into a job? Do I want to turn something I enjoy doing for fun into my sole financial provider? Will it stop being fun then? Do I want that? I know I’m not looking to be a millionaire. I just want to sustain my current lifestyle. I want to make what I’m making now by making music. And that’s not much.

So, then, I can either continue working admin jobs for an amount of money that is not changing my life. Or, I can work hard at something that I do enjoy for a meager amount of money. Would that make me a happier person? Would that be the right choice?

Jenny and Johnny

Back in September, Jenny Lewis and Johnathan Rice released their album I’m Having Fun Now under the name Jenny and Johnny. I’m a huge Jenny Lewis fan. I think everything she’s done is gold. From Rilo Kiley’s very first album to her last solo release, Acid Tongue (especially Acid Tongue), everything is almost perfect. I’m pretty much indifferent to Johnathan Rice, the musician. He has a few good songs, but nothing that I’ve completely fallen for. And he comes across as kind of a dick.

But, I’m Having Fun Now makes it clear they were born to sing together. In Rilo Kiley, Jenny would sing along with songwriting partner Blake Sennett and vice versa and it was nice and the songs are great, but they didn’t really sing together like Jenny and Johnny do. Their voices blend so beautifully. Their perfect harmonies are set to a sunny California backdrop with some rather biting lyrics. If you know anything about the history of Rilo Kiley, you can’t help but wonder if a lot of these songs are about her former bandmate, Blake. Take “My Pet Snakes” for instance. It certainly sounds like a song directed at someone she’s worked closely with in the past.

Jenny is not the only songwriter on this album. Johnathan has his songs, as well. They split the tracks pretty evenly. He has some good ones on here. “Animal” and “Committed” being the first two to come to mind. The latter took me a while to get into and has now become one of my favorite songs on the album.

The only downside to this album, for me, is that it is pretty negative. Jenny and Johnny and seem to be building a little island for themselves to live on. A lot of these songs appear to be direct attacks of people they used to know. Obviously, I don’t know that for sure. But they sound pretty directed and personal. Or maybe that’s just a testament to their songwriting abilities.

This album will definitely make my top albums of the year. A short collection of simple pop/rock songs. Happy music with sinister lyrics. I’m glad Jenny Lewis is able to explore all aspects of herself musically with all of these different releases she’s been putting out. And, though I do find this collaboration with Johnathan Rice to be highly enjoyable, I do hope she and Blake can set aside their differences and make another great collection of Rilo Kiley songs someday. I think Jenny needs to rock out again.

Twelfth

I have a show on the twelfth of November. I was discussing it last night and had to keep saying ‘twelfth’ over and over again. I’ve decided this is one of my least favorite words. Look at it. It looks wrong in every way. Now say it. It’s incredibly difficult to say. The L, F, T, H all smooshed together at the end. It just doesn’t work. I feel like I’m saying and spelling it wrong. And there’s no way to get around saying it when talking about a date. November twelfth. The twelfth of November. It’s better in written form when written numerically, like 12th. But you still have to say it and saying it is wrong. But, there is no way around it. I have a show on the twelfth of November and I have to keep saying it when I tell people about it.

Cars Part 3, 1997 Mercury Tracer

To recap: I had a car that’s ignition would quit on me so I went to look at new cars and my car’s ignition quit again and I was stuck at a dealership with a car that wouldn’t start.

(once again, not my actual car - but this time it's the correct color)

Since I was at the dealership and stuck there, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to look at the cars, maybe test drive a few. Then I was going to call my dad and have him come get me. There was no way they would sell me a car even if I wanted one.

Different times, those 90s.

I had never been inside a real car dealership at an age where they could legally sell me a car. I was pounced on immediately. I’m sure they thought I was an easy target. Young girl, wide-eyed, maybe I had rich parents. My car dealer walked me up and down the lot. He stopped in front of an easter egg green 1997 Mercury Tracer. It was less than 2 years old. It looked so new. He told me to get in and see how it felt. He then told me he thought it was a car that I “would look cute in”. Even at my young, naïve age, I knew what a sleazy car dealer man line that was. But, you know, I didn’t look bad in it.

I was sold.

We went inside to initiate the paperwork. I called my dad who was doing an overtime shift just down the road to see if he could come down and co-sign. After a couple of “Jesus, Niki!’s” he made his way down. Amazingly all of the financing went through. They even gave me $500 for the old Taurus. The very Taurus that wouldn’t start and was sitting stalled in their parking lot. And I rolled out of there in my newish car.

I loved this car and we had a lot of adventures together. I started dating my husband when I owned this car. We took trips to Duluth in this car. We drove to Arizona and back in this car. Then it slowly became destroyed.

First, I was driving down a cramped city street in the winter and my passenger side rear view mirror was ripped off in a minor accident.

Then, the driver’s side passenger door was almost ripped off in another accident. The outer shell was left completely twisted. At this time, I was unemployed and couldn’t afford to get it fixed. I couldn’t even afford the car payments, which is when the collection folks started calling all the time.

So, one spring day, I was out of town and my car was parked outside of my apartment. The city was doing street cleaning and so everyone had to move their cars. I wasn’t there to move mine. My roommate looked everywhere for my car keys, but could do nothing as she watched them tow it away.

Since I was unable to get it fixed or make payments on it, there was no way I was able to get it out of the impound lot after 3 days. So the next time the collection folks called, I told them where they could find the car. And they never called again.

Bad Wisdom

Last week I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled (upper left side). I found out I only have and will ever have two. Both on top. I don’t know what that means for my level of wisdom. But it seems to explain a lot.

It was a completely painful procedure and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Okay, so it wasn’t that bad. But, it was still very unpleasant. It hadn’t come out yet, but it was starting to, so they had to cut through bone. The whole idea of what was happening made me freak out and I had a panic attack about midway through. They had to give me oxygen. I’m such a baby.

Now it’s been a week and it is still healing. It’s certainly better, but I’m still afraid to eat anything. Not that it’s stopped me from eating. I’m just staying away from crunchy foods. That is the one thing my dentist advised. So, that is the one thing I am doing. I also get random pains and sensations in my gums. So, that’s weird. I assume it’s the bone reattaching itself, which is even weirder.

I really have no point with this post except that I felt I needed to document my first wisdom tooth being pulled.

So, one of my favorite albums ever for reasons I can’t explain (okay, that’s a lie. I fell in love with this album the summer I was unemployed and spent my days playing Super Mario Bros 3. I would listen to this album while playing the game on mute) is Suzanne Vega’s 99.9 F. The title of this post stems from a song on that album. Here is the YouTube’d audio:

Favorite Songs Ever, Part 3: "I Know" - Fiona Apple

“so be it I’m your crowbar…”

Break up songs are what make music go round. When does a songwriter feel most like expressing themselves than when they are down? You’re sad. You want to express it. You grab your guitar. You sit at your piano. You scribble out your feelings on a sheet of paper and somehow lyrics form. And you have a song.

There are millions, yes millions, of break up songs out there. Some are bitter. Some are heartbreaking. Some are empowering. But none are like “I Know” by Fiona Apple. With “I Know” she has captured the perfect moment in a break up. She has found that spot where you resign yourself to the end, yet you are still hopeful for a reunion. Somewhere in your being you think there is still a second chance option available. You think you can fix it, if you just ignore the problem at hand. Was it really a big deal? Can you live with it if it means living with that person?

“you can use my skin
To bury secrets in
And I will settle you down
And at my own discretion
I will ask no questions
While I do my thing in the background”

Her voice cracks and wavers. You can hear her struggle to sing through her pain. Fiona is one of few artists who don’t sing to sound pretty (even though she does). She really sings her emotions. You feel each and every one with every word. I find this song sometimes difficult to listen to because it is so damn beautiful. But when I do, I am so happy I did.

“and I will pretend that I don’t know of your sins
but all the time, all the time
I’ll know”

Below is a really great stripped down version of this song:

Sliding Doors

Last night was the first game of the playoffs for the Twins. They were playing the Yankees. They lost. It’s a story as old as time.

Since it was the Yankees and the playoffs, the game lasted ridiculously long. I went to a friend’s house to watch it (since we got rid of our cable and, for whatever reason, first round playoff games aren’t aired on basic television) and I didn’t get home until 11:30. I had one PBR too many and am feeling a little sluggish this morning.

There was a moment after the alarm went off that I thought about going in an hour late. But then I realized that would cause havoc between my husband and I trying to get ready at the same time, so I got out of bed.
And ever since, I’ve been having a bad day.

There is a part of me that wonders if, in some strange time line, there is a version of me that slept that extra hour. Maybe she got up a little more rested, a little less hungover. Her head was clearer, so she was able to find something to wear to work with ease instead of changing outfits 5 times. She remembered to put on make-up to cover the bags under her eyes and the bruise on her cheek, leftover from the wisdom tooth extraction the previous Monday. Her bus was not full when she got on so she was able to get a window seat to herself instead of sitting uncomfortably in one of those aisle facing seats, forced to stare at the person across from her. Maybe that bus had a different driver, not one who explicitly explains every upcoming stop in a loud booming voice, that did not keep her from taking a quick bus nap.

I guess nothing bad has happened since (knock on wood), but I’d really like to go home and back to bed.

But, I’m also glad to be downtown and so close to my dentist right now, because this hole where my wisdom tooth used to be is really bugging me.

CD Released!

O my goodness what a fantastic weekend. I know it’s Wednesday already and so this may seem a little past its due date to be writing about, but I needed this time to really absorb it.

Saturday night was my CD Release Party. I had been living with massive amounts of stress leading up to this night. Would the album be printed in time? Would the live music in my living room work out without blowing a fuse or burning down the house? Would people show up? What am I going to wear? Would people like my music?

It was such a huge success.

I was so pleased with the turn out. Everyone who showed up means so much to me in my life. I felt truly honored to have them as friends.

The live music turned out amazing. The first band, Shelly From Payroll – a 4 piece cover band made up of people I work with, brought a PA and mixing board and turned my living room into a sound stage. It sounded amazing in there. When the first started loading it all in, I panicked a little. I didn’t think it would fit. But it did. They made it work and they made it work well. It looked so awesome in there. I wish my living room could have a full sound system in it all the time.

Beyond their set up, Shelly From Payroll sounded great themselves. A great cover band.

Birds of Virginia were up next. Normally a full alt-country band, the lead singer/guitar player/songwriter, came to do an acoustic set. I think he blew everyone away. He sounded so awesome. If you have not heard this band before, go check them out. Now. Album is available on iTunes. Or go here: http://www.myspace.com/birdsofvirginia

Then came me. I was super nervous. I think I had 40 people in the house at this time. It might have been my largest audience yet. And, my drummer and I were playing our first “show” together. I’m a big fan of drums and when I play with him, I get a little too caught up listening to all of the awesome things he’s doing instead of just concentrating on my part. So I was sure I was going to mess up. And I did, a little. But it was alright. I played: “The Paul Simon Song”, “Cohabitate”, “Good to Know”, “Thursday” and “Good”. Then, I got a request to do the cover song I’ve started playing often. It’s Skid Row’s “I Remember You”. So I did that and it was awesome. Everyone sang along. It was a really nice moment.

And then it was party time. For me. I had been holding back on my beer intake since I had to play.

Unfortunately, my camera decided to flake out on me and so I got no pictures from the night. I’m bummed about that. Our house looked so awesome.

Oh, and I sold about 40 CDs. So that was nice. My music is officially out there. I signed up on CD Baby last night and hope to have it available for digital purchase soon.

Now, I need to get some more shows. I had all this moment leading up to the party and now it’s just stopped. It’s so hard to get shows. I can’t guarantee 40 people at my shows. I know 40 people who would come, but I don’t know if they can make it on a particular night at a particular time. I’m trying to get myself set up with a promotions company. Hopefully that happens and it will help.

I already miss my party. I want to do it all over again. We have plenty of beer left over.

Favorite Songs Ever, Part 2: "Joyful Girl" - Ani Difranco

Ani Difranco has long been my favorite artist. I first heard her when I was 16 and really into learning to play my acoustic guitar and writing angry songs. She was my inspiration. She was my idol.


What’s strange about Ani, is that she has such a stigma attached to her. You can’t actually tell people that Ani Difranco is your favorite musician because it automatically puts an idea in their head about you. They think you’re silly. They think you’re easily angered. They think you take yourself too seriously. They think you’re a “grrrrrrrl”.

But, she is. She is mine. I always come back to her. She taught me how to play guitar. She taught me how to sing. She taught me how to write. Luckily, I don’t think I copy her style in my own songs. Besides the fake nails I wear, my songs are nowhere near as angry or political. But she does come through.

Being that she is my favorite artist, she has a multitude of songs that could be deemed a favorite, so a while back I decided I needed to pick a favorite. “Joyful Girl” was the winner.

It didn’t win by default. It won completely on its own merits. It is a beautiful song. She once said it was her attempt at writing a hymn. I think that’s awesome. It certainly has a churchy/spiritual quality to it.

The lyrics are unapologetic, as are all of Ani’s songs. But they are much more delicate. They are self-reflective and blatantly so:

“cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says do you prefer the easy way
no, well ok then
don’t cry”

There was a time in my youth where I aspired to live this song. To live my life in an unapologetic and strictly my own way. To “just do it for the joy it brings”. And I still am trying and I think I’m finally getting there.

Below is the music video for this song. It is one of very few videos she has made and it is also a remix of the album version. Still very cool.

Tweezing, Facebook, and Parties

I had my eyebrows tweezed last night for the first time. Nothing major. Just took care of a few strays that were starting to get out of control. There are so many things that normal females do that I just can’t be bothered with. I listen to girls talk sometimes and I have no idea what they are talking about. But, tweezing my eyebrows will now be something I will do more often. I’ve noticed the older I’m getting, the hairier I’m getting. And I don’t like it. I like to appear somewhat feminine and crazy old man eyebrows and lip hair is not the way to do that.

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Facebook has ruined the way I communicate, especially in the written form. If someone sends me an email and I agree with what they are saying, I frantically search for the “Like” button and then get annoyed when it’s not there. What do you mean I have to write out a response to this? Ugh. I’ve taken to making the smiley face instead. : )

But, I do love Facebook. It makes me happy. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve gotten to know better because of Facebook. And not just online. Getting to know them through Facebook has brought us closer together outside of the internet. Then there’s all of the people from my past who I get to keep in touch with and see their pictures and know what’s going on in their lives.

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Just three more days until the big CD Release Party! Things are magically falling into place and my nerves are only somewhat killing me. My house has been transformed into a club. There is a drumset in my living room. There are Christmas lights everywhere. And, soon, everyone who wants to will be able to hear my album and that’s scary and exciting.

Oh, and here’s the cover!

Cars Part 2, 1990 Ford Taurus

(Once again, not my actual car. Mine was blue)

My 1990 Ford Taurus came into my life only because my first car broke down less than a mile from a creepy little dealership off of Highway 212 outside of Shakopee, MN. I needed a phone to call for a ride. The creepy dealership guy let me use his phone. And while I waited for my dad to come get me, he smooth talked me into coming back later to buy a car from him. I, then, talked my dad into going back there and purchasing a car. I felt bad. He let me use his phone. He was creepy, but nice.

We went there to test drive some cars. Most of them were full of fail. One even started smoking less than a mile from where we took off. But, not the Taurus. It was blue. I hate blue. But it had a tape player and automatic windows. This was a pretty big deal to me. A tape player was my #1 requirement in my new car. My dad just wanted to get the hell out of there. We signed the papers and I drove away in my new to me car.

Considering the car was a 1990 and the year was 1996, it felt pretty new. A lot newer than my old Pontiac. What’s odd about this car is that I don’t remember much more about it. I owned it for at least a year, if not longer. But, I don’t recall a lot of fun times in the car. I7 was a lost year for me. I don’t remember much about being 17.

My time with this car ended when I left work and went to go start it and the ignition wouldn’t turn. At all. It was stuck. No one could get it to move. The car was left in my work parking lot for the rest of the week. One day, I decided to go try it again. It turned. I don’t know what I did differently, but it worked. So, I kept driving it. The ignition problem kept happening on and off.

Then, one day, in the mail I received a discount coupon for a dealership. They were having some big promotion and I decided to head down there. I pulled up in my Taurus and turned off the car. I realized I was parked in a bad spot, so I went to turn the car back on and move it. The ignition wouldn’t turn. I was stuck in the parking lot of a dealership with a car that wouldn’t start. There was no way I was getting out of there without buying a new car.

So I did.

She Can't Really Think This Looks Good

Why, Christina?

I mean, you're a beautiful girl...but you're orange. And the hair is...odd. And all of that make-up. Why?

Wild Times

I played at Wild Tymes again on Saturday and it was one of my better shows. At least, I thought so. The bar was quite full. The band that played after me brought a ton of people. It was probably the most people I played in front of that wasn’t an open mic night.

I tried to keep the set list upbeat, as the other bands were all very rock n’ roll and I am just myself with my acoustic guitar. I thought I did a good job “rocking out”. I had a blast playing my guitar. It was probably the first time playing live that I actually enjoyed playing my guitar more than singing. I love playing my guitar, but when playing live, I’m so focused on which lyric is next that the guitar usually takes second place. But, I had just put some brand new fake nails on and I was feeling extra “plucky” and just wanted to make it sound really loud. And I think I succeeded.

I played there a couple of weeks ago and it was probably one of my worst shows. I kept screwing up the guitar and I was really distracted and not feeling well. So it was nice to come back and do it up right.

I also debuted a new/old song. It’s a song called “Tip-Toed” that was supposed to go on this album coming out soon, but it has this weird drum breakdown part that I just wasn’t sure if I was up to working on. I have never played it live because of that breakdown and without it, the song gets to be a bit repetitive. But, I think I might work on a live version of it because it was fun to play.

Favorite Songs Ever, Part 1: "We Are Nowhere and It's Now" - Bright Eyes

Notice I said “Part 1” and not “Number 1”. I’m not going to put these in any order. I’m just going to list them as they strike my fancy. Wow. That’s a terrible phrase.

I’ve already written a few posts about some of my favorite songs. They weren’t listed in this category. They were just written about, so I’m not going to write about them again. You can find those entries here,here,and here. There may be a couple more, but I can't find them.

I didn’t love this song when I first heard it. I didn’t love this album when I first heard it. It took hearing each song on their own at random times to really make it happen for me. Now, as a whole, I love this album. I just think that the first time through, it’s a lot of Bright Eyes whining to take all at once. I think that’s the case for a lot of his albums. And I don’t mean whining in a necessarily bad way. I really do enjoy Bright Eyes. But his voice is nasally and he does complain a lot in his songs.

I think this song first started seeping into my skin when I caught the last verse and Conor Oberst and Emmy Lou Harris’s voices blend so heartbreakingly on the line “she took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me she said this one will bring you love”.

But, oddly enough, the song really didn’t connect with me until I was watching the movie Knocked Up. I hated this movie when I first saw it but then found myself watching when it was on TV and really grew on me.

There is a part in the movie where Katheine Heigl and Seth Rogen part ways for a bit. She is nearing the end of her pregnancy and he is still being a jackass. They fight. They split up. This song then plays over a montage of them going through their days. She is going to birthing classes and prepping the nursery. He is moving out of the house he lives in with his stoner friends, getting a job, getting a nicer apartment. For whatever reason, this song combined with those scenes really moved me. I always find myself tearing up. Stupid Judd Apatow.

After that happened, I went to my iTunes to give the song a listen on its own and it has completely changed for me. The music and the voices are so perfectly matched to those beautiful, beautiful lyrics.

And, even with all it has going for it, I think I would love it just for these lines alone:

“like a 10 minute dream in the passenger seat
while the world was flying by
I haven’t been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime”

I don’t know why, but just typing those lyrics make my eyes well up. Is it because it’s just such a normal thing to write about? We’ve all daydreamed in the passenger seat. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had those moments. R.E.M. made a whole video about those moments. It takes a very special writer to make something as casual as looking out the window in a passenger seat convey such emotion. And this song is filled with those lines.

“you see the stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea still lives on”

“and my friend comes after work
When the features start to blur”

And, as mentioned above:

“she took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me
She said this one will bring you love
And I don’t know if it’s trueBut I keep it for good luck”

You can hear the song here:

Too Old For This

I went to two happy hours this week. One was a total “corporate” happy hour. A function held to celebrate a job well done. The table was surrounded with people who, most likely, would not normally go out to the bar together. Still, it was a fine time and it ended at a reasonable hour. I think I was home by 7pm.

Last night, we had a “real” happy hour. 4 co-workers who get along on a personal level and discuss non-work related things. It was only supposed to be one, maybe two, drinks. It turned into several. Several drinks of cheap, tap beer at a really shitty bar. This bar is known as a cop bar. Hanging from the ceilings are the doors of various law enforcement vehicles filled with the autographs of local law enforcement officers. The staff consists of “ladies” in tube tops and hot pants. One barely dressed young woman danced atop a table with a sign saying “Beer Sold Here”. You have to wonder why she just doesn’t go all the way and start stripping. The money would be much better, and there is a little more dignity in it.

The atmosphere of the place really lends itself to drinking heavily. The beers went down like water and the next thing I know it’s 8:30. Yes, I know, that’s not very late. But two nights of post-work going out in the middle of the week catches up to me very quickly. I really need my unwinding time in the evenings. I need my time at home in front of the computer, relaxing and sorting through my thoughts. I do not need to make a habit of going out during the work week.

I really feel my age on mornings like this. There was a time, in my early twenties, where I could go out until 3-4am and get up for work the next morning with nothing more than a slight headache. Now, I go out, get to bed by 10pm and struggle getting up in the morning. It’s sad.

It’s not that I want to stay out until 4am. Not at all. And it’s not that I want to go out every night. I just want to be able to stay up past 10pm and not feel like I want to die the next day.

If I’m going to give this music thing a go, I need to adjust my internal clock.

Favorite Songs

I have this grand idea to post my Top 10 or 20 or 100 favorite songs. I’ve been working on this project on and off for months now and I can’t get it narrowed down past 200. I think I need to determine what makes a Favorite Song.

There are obvious choices. Songs that stop me in my tracks and I have to listen to them always. Songs that conjure up fiercely strong emotions, whether happy or sad. Songs that remind me of a specific place and time.

But then there are songs that I just really like. These are the ones I’m having a hard time with. Some days, they would fit under one of the categories listed above. Somedays they are just songs on my iPod shuffling through my ears. But, to leave them off the list, would seem wrong and disrespectful to them.

There’s also the pressure of making it a “cool” list. Of course I love the song “You Got It All” by The Jets. Whenever it comes on, I sing along and I am happy. But would I really add it to my list of Most Favorite Songs Ever? Probably not.

Then, there is the question of numbering the list. Do I put them in order? Do I pick my Most Ultimate Song? How difficult will that be when I can’t even get it narrowed down to a Best Of Top 100?

Maybe, maybe I make it an ongoing series highlighting different songs once a week or bi-weekly or something like that. That might be the best solution.

Yes, that is what I will do.

Stay tuned!

Cars

Our car was due for an oil change, so I brought it into the dealership on Saturday. Say what you want about bringing your car to the dealership for maintenance. I know some people really frown on that. But the oil change is super cheap there and they wash the car. As long as you fight off all the extras they try to throw your way, it’s fine.

But on Saturday they threw an extra my way that I knew was going to happen soon: We needed new front brakes. They’d mentioned over a year ago that they were wearing thin, so this was no surprise. Since the procedure was going to take a while, they gave me a loaner and I went home.

Driving around in this new car (a brand new Subaru Outback- loved it), I began to think about all the cars I’ve had since I could drive. I think it would be fun to create a series of post taking a look down memory lane on the cars that have been a part of my life.

My First Car

My first car was a 1986 Pontiac 6000.

(Not my actual car. Picture it in white with a lot more rust)

I got it in 1995, so it was no spring chicken. My dad bought it from a co-worker. Before he found this one, he had his eyes on a Pontiac Thunderbird. I told him that’s a boy car and I didn’t want to drive some muscle car around town. I was an idiot. That would have ruled.

I had this car for just a few months before I got into my first accident. And it was a bad one. I was following my best friend out to her house in the country. I had never driven out there before. She drove like a maniac down these gravel roads. I glanced at my speedometer and I was going 75 mph. The dust from her car was completely obstructing my view. I was 16 and wasn’t concerned. Why would I be? One of my favorite songs from my childhood had just come on the radio and I hadn’t heard it in years. The song was Carly Simon’s “Coming Around Again”. I turned up the radio and sang along in a state of pure bliss. I was 16. I had my own car. I was driving by myself living the moment I had dreamed of. Driving by myself with the radio cranked and singing at the top of my lungs on a beautiful spring day. I was taken out of the moment when I realized I could actually see in front of me again. Jael, my friend, had disappeared. Her car was nowhere. Then I saw a turn and saw her car out of the corner of my eye going up the road. So, I slammed on my brakes. I did not remember the part from Driver’s Ed about not slamming on your brakes while going 75 mph on a loose surface. My car began to spin and I found myself tumbling down into the ditch. I remember my eyes being open the whole time and just watching the world flip around. I finally stopped rolling when the car landed up against a telephone pole. Luckily, the roof over the backseat is what made the impact. One foot off and I wouldn’t be typing this today.

I assessed my situation and was relieved to see my window down. I crawled out of my window, cursing myself for wearing a dress that day as it was now riding up over my hips, and got a good view of the damage. The back window was gone. The roof over the backseat was completed dented in. There was some smoke seeping out from under the hood. But, still playing, was “Coming Around Again”. My hands were shaking. I started to cry.

My friend found me sitting in the ditch and shaking. She started to laugh. In her defense, I’m sure it all looked pretty ridiculous and she could see I was okay. She went to get her brother, who tipped the car back over and drove it to their place. I made the awful phone call to my dad to tell him what happened. He was not pleased. I made Jael drive my car home as I was certain it was going to blow up. I drove hers. She knew I was being an idiot.

I spent a big part of the spring with no rear window until we could get it replaced. The car was never quite the same after that. Eventually, the radio started to go out. I would have to smack the dashboard really really hard to get it to come back on.

It broke down about a year later while I was driving home. Oddly, it happened about half a mile from a creepy little used car lot. It was the closest place with a phone. It is not ideal to walk into a creepy little used car lot and have to tell them that your car just broke down and you need to use their phone. It’s like their dream come true. I did end up buying a car from them. But, I’ll get to that in my next post.