It’s always amazing to me, after a tragedy like what happened in Boston yesterday, how quickly one’s life can be forever changed. Things just happen and there is nothing you can do to stop it. People were going to run a marathon and people were going to watch them do it and cheer them on and then that happens and your life is changed. Even if you survived. Even if you were completely unharmed – you’ve now got this story to tell. You were there. You saw it. You know what is sounded like. You know what the smell was in the air. And it probably changed you in some way. However small or big. Whether a certain smell or sight will bring you back to that moment, or whether you are now walking on prosthetics.
I just don’t understand and can never understand why these things happen – and I guess that’s a good thing. I don’t want to understand why someone would do this. I don’t want to have that mindset. When something awful like this happens, my first thought is not to wish for revenge…but to at first feel great sadness, then my heart swells to a thousand times bigger watching rescuers and other civilians helping and people sending thoughts and wishing love on everyone…and then I feel so grateful that I am okay and my loved ones are okay for today.
I do get scared. I went to the theater to see The Hobbit back in December. It was the first time I had been in a theater since the Aurora shootings and, I admit, my eyes darted towards the exit doors every few minutes. I think about these things happening in any super crowded setting I am in. I even worry about disgruntled co-workers.
But, I am a natural worrier. It is what I do.
I try not to be scared, though. I try to make an effort. I still do things and I still will. I’m not going to become a shut-in or anything (although sometimes that lifestyle sounds incredibly appealing – though how do they live financially?).
Yesterday, I was feeling incredibly blue. Another one of those “what is wrong with the world today???” moments. There seems to be so many of those lately. And then I got home from work – a little later than normal due to a work commitment – and my husband had already been home and was off walking Robbie. I went out to the check the mail and saw them heading down the road towards the house. I watched them and my heart swelled again. And then my dog – from halfway down the block – picked up his pace and by the time he was near our house, he was pulling and leaping towards me. He looked so happy. And I had to fight back tears because I was so happy. Because I have them. And I was so happy to see them. And they were so happy to see me.
And these are the people (and animals) in the world. These are the good ones. And they outnumber the bad. And it's important to remember that. And as Mr. Rogers’ said: