Long Days Are Long

Really dragging today.

I was supposed to host an open mic last night (have I mentioned that I’ve been doing that?). I got there and immediately started to feel…strange. My chest was feeling really tight – like a really bad case of heartburn.

I sucked it up and got set up and then waited for the performers to arrive. While I waited, my chest started to feel like it was caving in. Just as I was about to call it a night, someone showed up to play. I had to get things started, so I struggled my way through 3 songs and then set up the guy to play. I sat down and took some deep breaths but the pain became unbearable.

I ran to find the bar manager and blurted out: “Having terrible chest pains…can’t really breathe…need to leave”. He said sure, sure, go. But then I couldn’t go because I couldn’t drive with this pain so I ran down to the basement of the bar where the offices are and sat on the floor rocking back and forth and freaking out and feeling, on top of everything else, a panic attack coming on.

I called the husband who talked me down from the panic attack, but the pain was still there.  I eventually managed to get up and grab my guitar and leave and drive home in the pouring rain.

I got home and felt a little better. And then it came back. And then it went away. And then it came back.

I tried to lay down in bed, but lying flat on my back just felt like I was crushing my ribs. So I got up and sort of propped myself up on our tiny couch and tried to sleep sitting up. I felt asleep for a little bit, woke up and thought I was better. I rolled over to get more comfortable and it was like someone stuck several knives in my chest. The pain was unbearable, but there was nothing I could do but grit my teeth and try to ignore it.

This has happened to me before. I did go to the ER that time and they told me it was probably Chostochondritis, an inflammation of the cartilage in the rib cage. There isn’t really anything you can do for it except rest and take some advil. But, holy shit, does it hurt. It’s like a vice grip clamped onto each side of your chest and squeezing. It’s like every rib is broken and stabbing all of your insides. It fucking hurts.

So, needless to say, sleep was not my friend last night, but I managed to make it into work. I feel a little tender and it kind of feels like any overexertion could bring back, so I’m trying to be mellow. Trying. On the way into work I was driving and traffic came to a sudden halt. Every car in my lane almost slammed into each other. Then I saw why: A dog was running across the freeway. I watched as he jumped over the meridian and into traffic and narrowly miss being hit by several cars. I, of course, started shaking and bawling. My lane started to move so I had to drive. I really hope the dog is okay.

Ready to go home tonight and curl up on the couch and watch the rest of season 4 of Lost. It’s such a short season. I’ve watched it in about 4 days. Only 3 episodes left. It’s kind of a dud of a season, with a couple of really excellent episodes thrown in.

But still 5 hours to go….

Long days are long.