Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy New Year!

My new year has started off quietly. Due to this frigid snowy weather, I barely left the house during my 4 day weekend. My husband and I spent New Years Eve at home. He played Rock Band while I drank wine and listened to music. Then at midnight we popped the champagne and called it a night.

It's funny. It was the first year in a long time where we had several options and we opted to just stay home. I never like to go out on New Years. I get really nervous about driving and it always seems expectations are so high. But, I like to know that I have the option to do something. But those options always seem to involve going to several different places. I probably would have been more inclined to leave the house if the thing to do was at one place and one place only. But the last thing I want to do is drive around from party to party and bar to bar on a cold, drunken January evening.

I received a $50 Macys gift card for Christmas. I went there on Thursday and walked the whole store about 4 times and could not find a single thing to buy. There are a lot of things I need - a shoe rack, a new cordless phone, another Rock Band guitar - but none of these things can be purchased at Macys. I thought I'd try out the shoe section. But everything is either knee high boots - and I can never find a pair that fit my calves -, stilettos - I'm tall enough as it is and it is winter and there is snow on the ground and it is slippery - or way more than $50 and I didn't want to spend another $75 of my own cash. I could probably have found a purse, but I had just bought one with my Aldo gift card and didn't think I really needed another purse just yet.

I did see a jacket I really liked...loved, actually. I tried it on and it was just a touch too snug. I went home and looked online, but I couldn't find the jacket. Oh, well.

So, now I have this gift card and I can't spend it. It's incredibly frustrating.

The rest of the weekend was spent indoors. I believe I'm starting to suffer from Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder. I'm having a hard time leaving the house. This really sucks since winter has only just begun. It is just so fucking cold and dark and cold and it won't stop snowing. I'm finding myself worrying that summer will be as brief as last year and how I really don't think I can handle another winter. I am seriously considering having a serious discussion with my husband on leaving this state for a warmer climate. I'm not talking California or Arizona or Texas or anything...just a little further south where the snow isn't so constant and the weather only gets down to 20 degrees. Because this high of 2 with a windchill making it feel like -20 is getting really old really fast.

Or, maybe I need to save some vacation time for this time of year and head south for a week. Maybe that would help.

2009. I will being turning 30 this year. Scary thought, I guess. It's supposed to be scary, right? I've never been bothered by age and getting older. But I can feel it starting to happen. I think I'm starting to worry about time a lot more. I'm still very uncertain if I ever want children. My first thought is always, NO WAY. But then I think, maybe I do. But now I'm going to be 30 which means I'm running out of time and I should have one soon but am I ready? No way near ready. So when will I be? I know I don't want to be an old mom, if I were to be a mom at all. My husband is 3.5 years older than me and I know he thinks he's running out of time.

Then there's my career, or lack there of. I am heading down the path of lifetime administrative assistant, which is not what I want to be. So then what? What do I want to be? I have ideas, but they all require going back to school, which requires money, which I don't have.

It's all very overwhelming.

Holy crap I'm going to be 30.

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