Lost, Episode 14 "The Variable"

Why is this show doing this to me? Why does it insist on breaking my heart? Daniel? They kill off Daniel? Why?!??! The only saving grace is that it wasn't Desmond. My god, if it was Desmond.....

There was a lot going on this episode. A lot of different time periods being represented, starting with a young Daniel playing piano. He is not on the island. Nor is Eloise, his mother. She tells him he is too smart for playing piano and that he will have to spend his time and his brilliant mind learning science. He's totally bummed and it's all very sad. Eventually, he gets a girlfriend (Theresa - the one whose brain he fried during his time travel experiments) and graduates from Oxford. On graduation day, his mom totally disses the new girlfriend and takes Daniel out for a celebration dinner where she tells him he doesn't have time for girls. He tells her a man named Charles Widmore just gave him a huge grant (I didn't catch the dollar amount, but I heard millions). Eloise is intrigued, but doesn't push it any further. But she does continue to push him about needing to use his brain and to stay away from girls. Poor Daniel.

Remember when we first got Daniel's backstory and he was looking all crazy and sad while watching the footage of the supposed Oceanic 815 found at the bottom of the ocean? Well, here we are again. Daniel is in his chair watching the footage when someone comes over. It's Charles Widmore. It turns out that Daniel started doing his time travel experiments to himself Thinking all was fine, he started doing them on Theresa. We all saw how that turned out. And now, it seems Daniel is having some side effects. He is becoming forgetful and dumb. Like really forgetful. Like you couldn't tell him to grab the remote because he would instantly forget. But he does remember that Charles had given him the grant money and he apologizes for it all going wrong. Charles doesn't care, though. He wants to send Daniel on a trip. To an Island. An Island where magical things can happen. An Island where Daniel can get better. He also tells Daniel to stop crying about the plane crash because it was fake. Because he faked it. (Confirmation) He also mentions that he and Daniel's mom are old friends. Daniel looks as confused as ever.

Later, we see him back at the piano trying to remember how to play. Eloise approaches him and tells him he should listen to Widmore and go on the trip and that he is meant for better things. So he agrees. And that's the story of Daniel.

Meanwhile, back on the magical Island....

Daniel has just arrived back from Dharma headquarters in Ann Arbor, Michigan where he was part of a research team. He tells Miles some serious shit is about to go down and that he came back because he saw the picture of Kate, Jack, and Hurley as new Dharma recruits and he needs to save everyone. He tells Miles he needs to go to the Orchid station to talk to Dr. Chang.

Daniel heads down to the Orchid station, which is under construction. We are treated to the scene from earlier in the season when we saw Daniel down there and Dr. Chang was talking to someone about time travel and they were dragging out a body. Daniel purposely bumps into Dr. Chang and it almost seems like he's doing it to see if his arm is real. Remember how at one point in the orientation videos, Dr. Chang doesn't move his left arm. Hmm...I'm probably just reading too much into things.

Outside of the Orchid, Daniel approaches Dr. Chang and tells him that he is from the future and that Dr. Chang needs to order an evacuation of the island because they are about to drill into a huge pile of magnetic energy. Dr. Chang tells him he's crazy, but not before Miles comes up to try to diffuse the situation. Daniel tells Chang that Miles is his son and Dr. Chang almost believes him, but then Miles denies it.

Daniel and Miles head to Sawyer's.

Meanwhile, at Sawyer's.....

Sawyer, Juliette, Kate, Jack, Jin, and Hurley are having a pow wow about the situation they've got themselves into. Sawyer has the security guy he knocked out tied up in a closet. Sawyer's says they have two options: 1. They can try to catch the next sub out and flee or 2. They can retreat to the jungle and start all over again. Sawyer is very sad about this because he and Juliette have created a home there and they don't want to leave. Everyone else agrees that the only way they are going to get back to where they need to be is if they stay on the island and fight. So they all agree to head out into the jungle.

But then Daniel and Miles show up and Miles is acting all crazy. He says he needs to find The Hostiles (The Others) because his mom is there and she is the only one who can help them. He tells Jack that she was wrong when she said it was Jack's destiny to be back on The Island and you just know this pisses Jack off to no end. Here he finally put his life in the hands of faith and it was all a lie. Just think of all the stupid things he did to get back here. He teamed up with Ben Linus. He lied to his friends. He slept with Kate. He put his dad's shoes on John Locke's feet. He shaved off his amazing beard. Poor, poor Jack.

Daniel goes on and tells them that something bad is going to happen in about 6 hours. Dr. Chang and his crew are about to drill into the earth where the Swan hatch will soon be. They are going to hit a pool of energy that will have catastrophic events. Because of the event that will happen, the Dharma folks will build the hatch and bury this magnetic energy in cement. Then they will set up the system of pressing a button to contain the energy that one day Desmond will forget to push which will then cause the Oceanic 815 plane to crash and thus changing all of their lives forever.

Sawyer refuses to bring Daniel to The Hostiles because he wants to stay on the island. But Jack says Kate knows where they are. Kate is torn on whether or not to tell Daniel because Sawyer calls her "Freckles". This pisses off Juliette who gives total bitchface and tells Kate the code for the sonic fence and that she really thinks Kate should take Daniel there. Sawyer is too clueless to figure all of this out. I mean, Kate and Juliette just had a twenty minute conversation with just their eyes. It went something like this:

Kate: Oh my god he called me Freckles, this is awkward.
Juliette: He did not just say that. That man is trouble.
Kate: This must mean he still loves me.
Juliette: Bitch, if you don't leave I'll cut you.
Kate: But what if there's a chance..
Juliette: Seriously, I have a knife in my pocket. Get off my island.

And so on and so forth.

Kate relents and agrees to show Daniel where The Hostiles are. She and Jack and Daniel head off to gather some supplies - like guns - before they leave. Kate looks so excited to get some guns. But, why does the janitor (Jack) have a key to the gun closet?

On their way there, Daniel spots a young Charlotte on a swing. He goes to her and tells her to make sure she leaves the island when she is asked to. And that's it. That's how that went down.

At the gun closet, they gather up their guns when Radzinsky shows up. He wants to know what they're up to. He sees that Daniel has a gun and then they all start shooting each other. Daniel, Kate, and Jack manage to get away in a jeep. But you know this is it for happy Dharma land.

Sawyer and the rest of the gang are packing up supplies to head back to the beach. Radzinksy shows up there and wants to know what the hell is going on. The Dharma alarm is going off now. Radzinsky hears a thumping noise coming from the closet. They find the security guy all tied up. Uh-oh. Sawyer is in big trouble now.

Daniel and Kate and Jack head into the jungle to find Hostileville. Daniel explains to them that it's a good thing they made it out of the shoot up because they can die at any time because this is their present. He then tells them that "whatever happened, happened" might just be bullshit. He was always too busy looking at the constants in his mathematical equations and not the variable. And the variables are? Them? People. With free will. They can change things! He can stop their plane from ever crashing on this island and make it so they land safely in LA as planned. All he has to do is stop Dharma from drilling. How is that going to happen? By setting off a bomb - Jughead. Because, that will make things better? Okay. They find the Hostile camp and Daniel makes his way down while Jack and Kate stay behind. He whips out his gone and demands to see Eloise Hawking. Richard appears and tells him Eloise stepped out for a minute (stepped out where?) and to put the gun down so they can talk. Daniel demands that Richard tell him where Jughead is buried and if he doesn't comply within 3 seconds, he will kill him. He starts the count....1.....2......BANG! A gun goes off. But it's not Daniel's....It's Eloise! She just killed him! What a bitch! Yeah, sure, she doesn't know that he's her son. But, DAMN! They killed Faraday! You bastards! Daniel's final words to his mother: "You knew this would happen and you sent me back here anyway." That must hurt. Poor, poor Daniel.

But wait! There's more!

Off island, Desmond is being rushed into surgery due to the gunshot wound caused by Ben. Penny is hanging out in the waiting room with little Charlie when Eloise approaches her. She tells him that this is all her son's fault. Penny's all, "you're son is Ben Linus?" She says, "No, Daniel Faraday." Penny pieces it all together that if Daniel never told Desmond to find his mother, Ben wouldn't have found them and yadda yadda yadda. The doctor shows up and tells them that Desmond will be fine and Penny can see him. So she does. Desmond promises never to leave her... ever.

Outside the hospital Charles is hanging out. Eloise tells him Penny is inside and he says that he hasn't spoken to her in years and that it kills him that "this" has caused him to lose his relationship with his daughter. Eloise says that she had to send her son back and that she's lost him. Charles says, "he's my son, too." D'oh! So Daniel and Penny are brother and sister! Craziness! Eloise slaps him.

That's it.

So many questions from tonight.

1. If Daniel can change the future, what happens to all of them? Will they just disappear from The Island and it will be three years earlier and they will be landing in LA and not have any recollection of what happened?

2. Does this mean that no one is fated to be there? Locke, Ben? Any of them? All of that fate crap was a joke?

3. Why would Kate want to return to LA pre-crash? She was a wanted woman for murder.

4. Is Daniel really changing the future, or is this how it always happened?

5. Is the show going to end with them all peacefully landing in LA?

6. What about all the mystical island mysteries? Is that just crap, too? How does they supernatural part of The Island work with Daniel's theories?

I'm going to miss Daniel.

Pandemic Pandemonium

Here we go again. Another pandemic that is going to take out the world. I think this happens every couple of years. West Nile Virus, SARS, Avian Flu, peanut butter, and now....Swine Flu. Everybody panic. Stock up on duct tape and water. Don't kiss any pigs. Especially ones in Mexico. Everybody is going to die.

Why do we keep freaking out about these things?

You know what? If everyone dies, everyone dies. What are you going to do about it? Nothing. Know why? Because you'll be dead.

I'm still trying to figure out why this particular strain of flu is anymore deadly than the flu that kills 700-800 people each year in just the state of Minnesota (where I am from ) alone. Nationally, influenza kills 36,000 people a year. Holy shit! That number is huge! I mean that with all seriousness. We should really be panicking every year, right? Or, at the very least, washing our hands. Is it just me, or is it crazy that the adults in this country need to be reminded by Big Poppa Government to Wash Your Hands?

This particular strain is treatable. Take care of yourself, rest, take some meds, you'll be fine. The only known death in the US from the pig flu is of a toddler. Sad, yes. But, typical. That is usually the case with the flu. Kids, the elderly, and the already sick are harmed the most.

Yes, there have been over 100 deaths in Mexico. But, no one really knows if the pork flu is the real killer here. I'm certain people die all the time in Mexico. And, no offense to Mexico, but it's not exactly known as the cleanliest place on Earth. I mean, you're not even supposed to drink the water there, right?

My husband brought up the point last night that most of America is pretty stupid and that this flu will cause the country to dip deeper into it's already cavernous depression. People won't leave the house to run to Target or attend baseball games or Bruce Springsteen shows out of fear of catching the flu. But, I gotta say, I just don't see it. For one, I don't see our country ever hitting the depression lows of 1929. People like to buy things and it is so easy for them to do so. Kids still want and there is so much more to want for. And, you don't have to leave the house to shop anymore. That's what the internet is for. The world is a very different place than it was 80 years ago. I just don't see it happening.

I also don't see us suffering from any great plague either. We are certainly a more evolved and medically inclined world than the world of the 1600s.

But, then again, everyone swore the Titanic was unsinkable, so maybe I'm buying into the idea that our modern culture is more powerful than nature and that idea will surely doom us all.

But can you really picture the whole of America, minus the celebrities in the Hollywood hills and the Bush family, living in shanties surviving on one slice of ham a day? Wait. Not ham. People won't eat ham because they all think that's where this swine flu comes from. Some other form of meat. Can you really see that? I mean, we have Ramen Noodles now! They're like 10 cents a pack and they last forever and they don't taste that bad. Ramen will keep this country alive forever. But, just don't buy the pork flavored.

So, tonight, Obama is going to go on TV to discuss his first 100 days in office and to also rub the backs and wipe the hysterical tears of his nation and tell them, "Don't worry. It will be alright. Everything is going to be just fine. You can still eat your bacon and you can still snort your cocaine. Just remember to wash your hands, kids, before digging into that pork chop. Do onto others as you would have done to you. Look, look at the shiny keys! You're all good boys and girls, aren't you? Okay, everything better now? Here's a band aid and a lollipop. Now get to work."

We(e)(a)k

It's been about a week since I last posted. I've been slipping. My job has become exceedingly busy and my blogging time has been cut short. I suppose that's a positive thing. It's good to be busy at work and feel needed in these economic times. Of course, sometimes that doesn't matter. Like, for my husband. Who was laid off last Friday.

It's a bittersweet situation. He hated that job. But, he would have liked to have left on his own terms. Nobody wants to lose their job. Jobs are a rare thing these days.

He signed up for unemployment and that process went amazingly smooth. I thought we would be dealing with that for months. But, nope. Just a click away on the internet and you, too, can get a portion of your previous salary for up to 6 months.

Things have been a bit tense, but are starting to cool down. We've got the financials together. Unfortunately, the exterior house painting we've been saving up for and already put a deposit down for and sorely need, will have to be put off for now. Which is a bummer, because we got a really good deal.

We'll be okay.

Comcast ripped us off again. Big surprise. We had worked ourselves into a special introductory rate last year that included 2 free movie channels. That expires May 1st. So I called to cancel the movie channels because I didn't want my bill to jump up $40. Which it would have done. But, because the introductory offer expired, it was going up even after I canceled the movie channels. Hooray. I get to pay more for less! So I went for the next deal. Channels 1-99. For $10 cheaper. Now, I don't watch very many cable channels, so I'm not missing much losing 100 other channels. I save $10, but lose all of that and that pisses me off. They are such bastards.

Speaking of bastards, American Idol voted off TWO people this week. Yes, TWO people! It was OUTRAGEOUS! Anoop and Lil went home. Though I will miss Anoop, Lil could not get off my TV quick enough. Ugh, she totally bugged. And that girl could not sing at all. Pillows went over my ears as soon as she opened her mouth. She was painful to listen to. I'm fully on the Kris Allen train now. I was hesitant at first because I heard he was a God Squad crusader, but he seems harmless and he has a nice voice and he plays instruments and he reworks songs and, well, just look at him:

He's adorable! What a darling.

I mean, how could anybody vote for this:

When you have this:

Oh, that's right. Because this:


Sings "Endless Love" to his dead wife. People are very strange.

This was also the week Susan Boyle entered our lives. I was pleased at first, now I am sad. The entertainment blogs keep popping up with new pictures of her getting all made up and redesigned. So even though we all learned our lesson of not judging a book by it's cover and that when someone can actually really truly sing, people will listen and they will like it, we still feel the need to make her "pretty". Not that she shouldn't take advantage of this new found fame and try to better herself, but I assume she's trying to turn this into a career and the fact that she still feels she needs to (or that people are telling her to) tweeze her eyebrows and color her hair, well, that's kind of ironic, isn't it? And, really, is it that surprising that an unattractive person can sing? Why would anyone assume that someone has to be good looking to have a nice voice. What does one do with the other?

And let me just say that I also see the irony in pointing out Kris Allen's adorableness and how everyone should vote for him and not Danny and then saying that people shouldn't try to make Susan pretty to further her career. I only posted pictures because I think Danny's douchness really comes through in pictures and I just needed to get that across. Kris does have a great voice and a good personality, too. Danny has neither of those things. He's just a douche with a dead wife.

Lost was a clip show all about the Oceanic 6 this week (which is why I did not write a recap) and although they said it would be from a "new perspective", I saw nothing new. I was totally roped into watching a clip show. And in my need for weekly doses of all things Lost, I came upon some end of seasons spoilers that I am incredibly angry at myself for reading and I can only hope they are wrong. I will not spoil you, because that would be cruel. So, I'll just leave it at that. Next week looks good, though. Desmond/Faraday centric. Yum.

In other good news, I joined a fantasy baseball league this year. I can't recall if I've already mentioned that and I'm too lazy to check. But, I am currently 2-0 and have the most points in the league. So that's awesome. Ian Kinsler is my hero.

And lastly, I want nothing more than the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, but I've been putting it off because it doesn't fit in the budget. Well, screw it. I'm buying it this weekend. I can't wait anymore.

Oh, and as for music, everyone needs to buy The Killers latest album. God Damn! Is it awesome! So fucking good. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Lost Episode 13, "Some Like It Hoth"

Right away, if you are any sort of proper geek, you will notice that the episode title has a Star Wars reference. And so does the episode, done in a very Hurley way. Which I will get to in a bit.

But last night, the focus was on Miles, our "I hear dead people" freighter freak. We found out that Miles has had this gift ever since he was a young child and he and his mother were looking into renting a run down apartment when Miles hears one of the neighbors, who was already dead on the floor from a heart attack, calling out to his dead wife. This causes some strange looks from his mother, who has now been confirmed as Dr. Pierre Chang's (Marvin Candle, Edgar Halliwax) wife from the episode a while ago where they show the baby in the crib in the Dharma Initiative. We also now know that Miles was born on The Island, though he didn't stay long. Miles's mom left The Island with her son for reasons unknown when Miles was a small child.

Miles grew up thinking his dad was a jerk for disowning he and his mother, which is what his mother told him. This hurt him so much, that as a teenager he sported some kickass piercings and a gnarly mohawk. He stopped talking to his mother at some point until she was dying of something ( I assume was cancer, but could be something else entirely. She did live on The Island). He didn't go back to make amends with her, though. He just wanted to know about his father and where he was from. His mom said he lived somewhere he can never go and that he is dead. Which is pretty much the truth.

As an adult, Miles makes his money speaking on the behalf of dead people. This draws the attention of a Mr. Charles Widmore. He sends that Naomi chick from the freighter to recruit him. She tells Miles that Widmore will pay him 1.6 million dollars if he will join them on their mission to go to this mysterious island to find Benjamin Linus. Miles, a sucker for millions of dollars, agrees to go along.

Later on, Miles is off grabbing himself a taco dinner, when a black van pulls up next to him. In the passenger seat is that guy that used to be on October Road, but is now one of the new plane crash survivors on the smaller island. So, I guess this means that he will be a bigger character. Dammit. He and his goons grab Miles and tell him not to work for Widmore and to join them instead. They spew some more crap about what lies in the shadow of the statue and I hope this isn't turning into a catchphrase like Save the Cheerleader, Save the World. Lost does not need catchphrases. Miles says he will do it, but only for double the money - 3.2 million dollars. Now, remember back when the freighter people first got to the island and Miles told Ben that he would lie to Widmore for 3.2 million dollars? Yeah, I don't know what it means either. The black van driving dudes tell him no way and they toss him out of the van and that is how Miles ended up on the freighter.

So now, while Sawyer Jim James LaFluer is out trying to find Sayid/cover up his trail of giving Ben to the Hostiles, Miles is in charge of security back on 1977 Dharma island. Sawyer calls him and asks him to destroy the security footage from earlier that shows he and Kate with Broken Boy Ben. Miles is just about to do it, when Horace comes down with his panties in a bunch yelling for Sawyer. Since Sawyer is gone, Horace invites Miles into the "Circle of Trust" and asks him to deliver a package to and pick up a package from Radzinsky NO QUESTIONS ASK. So, what does Miles do, he asks a question. Horace tells him to shut up and sends him on his way.

Miles meets up with Radzinksy in the middle of the road somewhere. Radzinksy and two goons bring a body bag up and shove it in the van. Of course, Miles asks a question and Radzinksy tells him to get lost. So, Miles heads back to camp and Horace tells him to bring the body to Dr. Chang (duh duh duhhhhhhh) at the Orchid. He goes to pick up the van and finds out that Hurley has already checked it out. Hurley is loading up sandwiches to bring to the crew who are building The Orchid. Hurley suggests just riding together and, after a good argument from Hurley about saving the earth by carpooling, Miles agrees to let him ride with him.

It's a pleasant ride at first. Miles is driving while Hurley writes in his journal. But then Hurley smells something rank. He discovers the dead body in the back and starts asking a bunch of questions because Hurley is always good for that. Miles (because he talks to dead people) tells him that the man was working in a ditch thinking about his girlfriend when the filling in his tooth was pulled from out tooth and shot into his brain. Then he died. Hurley asks how he knows what the guy was thinking. Miles tries to side step the subject, but then Hurley tells him he talks to dead people, too. He even plays chess with them. Miles explains that he doesn't talk to them, he can just sense what happened because the brain is dead so they can't have conversations. But Hurely isn't listening anymore because they've stopped by the original hatch, or at least the people building it. How does he know this? Because one of the workers asked what the numbers are to be branded on the door. And what are they? 4 18 15 16 23 42. I'm assuming that the dead guy was working on this hatch when his filling came out maybe due to the magnetic pull that the hatch holds?

They move on and make their way to The Orchid. Dr. Chang "greets" them and gives Miles crap for bringing Hurley along. Dr. Chang makes Hurley promise not to tell about the body or he will end up working in the polar bear cages cleaning up their crap. He steps away for just long enough for Miles to tell Hurley that Chang is his dad. How does he know this? Because the day before, his mom got in line behind him at lunch. I guess he assumes since there are no other Asian people on The Island (besides Jin) that that must mean Chang is his dad? Whatevs. Hurley asks more questions about their relationship and Miles (at first) says he doesn't want to talk about it, but then reiterates all the stuff his mom told him about his dad. Hurley thinks Miles should try to build a relationship now. But, Miles isn't having it.

Dr. Chang asks for a ride back and they agree to give him one. On the way back, Hurley presses Chang about his family life to the annoyance of Miles. We learn that Chang is married and has a 3 month old son named Miles (of course). Hurley asks if adult Miles and Chang know each other. Miles explains they don't hang in the same circles. Hurley suggests the three of them go out for a beer sometime. I love Hurley. He's so earnest and real.

That conversation goes on for a bit and they drop off the Doctor. Hurley continues to bug Miles about his relationship with his dad until Miles is so pissed he stops the car and grabs the journal Hurley has been scribbling in. It turns out Hurley has been writing the script for Empire Strikes Back. He's seen it so many times and since it's 1977 and Star Wars was just released he assumes George Lucas is looking for help writing the sequel and Hurley wants to be the one to help him. He's also made a few minor improvements to the script. I would love to know what those are. He also makes some comparisons about Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader's relationship and Miles' and his dads'. See, Hurley is the best! Love him!

Later that night when they are back at camp, Miles wanders over to Dr. Chang's house and sees (through the window) the Dr. reading a baby Miles a story. He looks every bit the loving father. You can see the hurt on Adult Miles' face. But, is it weird to anyone else that he can see himself without bad things happening? Or have I just seen too many Back to the Futures?

As he walks away, the Dr. comes out and asks for Miles' help bringing in some new recruits. They head to the sub and who is getting out? Daniel Faraday!!!! Where have you been???? He and Miles say hello and that's it.
Oh, crap, that's right.

There was also a subplot with Kate and Roger Workman. Kate tries to comfort a sad Roger who is drinking himself into a stupor after finding out Ben was kidnapped. Because Kate is a terrible liar, he begins to suspect she was involved (which she was). He confronts Jack about it while they are both cleaning up a classroom. Jack tells him Kate is a good person and that Roger is just a little drunk and reading too much into things.

Later Jack heads to Sawyers to give him a heads up that Roger is suspicious of Kate. Jack then leaves and one of Sawyer's security guys shows up with the security tape incriminating Kate and Sawyer in Ben's abduction. Sawyer brings the guy inside and knocks him out. Then asks Juliette to "get some rope".

Now, back to Faraday. Where has he been????? We saw that at some point he ends up working on The Orchid. But how did he end up off island on the submarine? Is he not a new recruit and just a worker who got a weekend pass off island and is now returning? He is the Present Time Faraday because he knows Miles. What has he been up to???? He seemed strangely confidant.

I'm also terribly sad for Sawyer and Juliette in that their peaceful little existence in 1977 is being destroyed all because of stupid stupid Kate. I can't blame this one on Jack because he is just along for the ride and not getting in the way. Stupid Kate.

Lost Episode 12, "Dead is Dead"

Every Wednesday night at 8pm CST, my dog decides it's play time. I don't if the "previously on Lost" voiceover is a trigger for him, but I usually spend the first 15 minutes of each episode trying to get him to calm down. This is making it more and more difficult to do a proper recap. So, I am going to change things up a bit and just hit the highs and lows of the episode today.

I had high expectations for this episode. Way high. Too high. A Ben episode involving the temple and Smokey? How could it fail? Ah, but fail it did. I don't think there has ever been a more cheesy episode of Lost.

We had old actors dressed up to look like younger versions of themselves. Sorry, Lost Costumers, a wig does not hide a 50 year old man's wrinkles. We had horrible smoke monster CGI. We had an overacting, unconvincing Alex. We had a poorly acted dialogue exchange between Captain Frank and Sun. We had a horror movie fake out with Locke coming out of the jungle instead of Smokey. And we have to now deal with a whole, smaller island of castaways who could actually be Others. W. T. F?

This episode involved Ben and his quest to be judged for allowing his stolen daughter Alex get killed at the hands of Widmore's men. We were shown how a younger Ben showed up with an even younger Ethan to Danielle sorry little camp with instructions to kill her, but when he saw baby Alex, he couldn't kill her, so he just took Alex instead. Why? I don't know. I guess Ben has a soft spot for kids. Maybe because his childhood was so fucked up. When he brought the baby Alex back to the Others/Hostiles camp, a "young" Widmore demanded Ben kill Alex. Why? I don't know. Ben refused and decided to "adopt" her. We were shown a loving scene of a toupee wearing Ben pushing a toddler Alex on a swing. How sweet. Ben was a good dad at one time.

Somewhere along the line, everyone found out that Widmore had been frequently leaving the island and had a double life off island where he even fathered a child with a non-Other. This exchange went off like the writers saying: Here, Viewers, now you have your answer about Penny. She and Faraday are not siblings. So shut up. You were wrong. Widmore was banished from the island for his misbehavings and taken away on the submarine in handcuffs. Ben was declared the new leader (I assume).

In "present" time, Ben and Locke headed to the larger island for Ben's judgment day. But not before shooting that Caesar guy, who was going through somewhat of a power trip, in front of all the other new castaways. Oh, and Ben kind of apologized for killing John and told him that he had to because Locke had to die, but Ben needed information first and couldn't let John kill himself.

They get to the old Dharma houses and see a light on in Ben's old house. Ben goes inside and it's just Sun and Frank hanging out. They were told by Christian to wait there for Locke who will help them get to the past to find Jin. They are confused because they are pretty sure Locke is dead. Ben tells them to look outside and there Locke stands. It's like they're seeing a ghost!

They show Ben and Locke the old photograph of the rest of their friends hanging out in 1977. Considering a dead man is walking around in front of them, this no longer seems so far fetched. Frank says he is leaving this freakshow and heads back to the small island where he has a run in with HitwomanChick who asks him "what lies in the shadow behind the statue?" or some crap like that. Frank looks at her like she's a freak and she hits him with the barrel of her gun. So, I guess these guys are in on it, too. Great.

Sun stays behind because she "must find Jin." Locke says he can help but first Ben has some business to attend to. Ben goes into his secret closet and opens up the secret door to which there is another bigger secret door covered in hieroglyphics. He opens that one which leads to an underground passage. This is where he summons Smokey. How? By pulling the drain in the Dharma sewage system. No shit. I am not lying.

He goes outside to wait. Sun is out there hanging out. They hear noise coming from the woods. Everyone is totally spooked. Except, Smokey has a very distinct sound, and that's not it. And guess what, it's not Smokey. It's Locke. He was hanging out in the jungle for whatever reason. But, maybe, just maybe, it is Smokey. Maybe Smokey is Locke. Because maybe that's what Smokey does. Maybe it becomes the dead people. It has done it before. Ben also told Sun that "what's dead is dead" (hey! That's the episode title!) and that he has never seen anyone come back to life before. So maybe John Locke is really dead, and Smokey just inhabit their bodies and works as sort of a puppet master. Maybe Locke doesn't even know that's what has happened. He kind of has the creepy Christian Shepard thing going, who also seems oblivious to the fact that he is dead.

Locke tells Ben that they should go find Smokey instead of waiting around. So Locke, Ben, and Sun (which is such a weird combination - really, what is she doing with these two awesome characters? She is sucking the life out of this whole thing) head to the temple to find Smokey. Apparently the temple we keep seeing is really just a wall that surrounds the temple so that other people (not the Others) can't see it. Locke says they are not going to go through the temple, they are going to go under it and points to the hole that Smokey took off that one guy's arm in.

They crawl in and Sun stays behind. I'm sure this all just becoming a bit much for her, though I don't understand why she didn't just stay back at the cabin. While walking, Ben falls through the floor. Locke goes to get some rope to free him, but Ben wanders off. He comes to an empty room with hieroglyphics everywhere. On one wall is an image of Smokey and some dude with rabbit ears. There is, what looks like, a vent below. Then, out seeps Smokey and surrounds Ben in some cheap CGI. Ben looks as confused as I do. Ben relives his life with Alex, even sees her shot again, then Smokey retreats. Then Alex appears and Ben starts crying and apologizing and she attacks him and tells him not to try to kill John Locke and to listen to everything he says and then she's gone and that's it and that somehow is supposed to explain Smokey? Everyone I've talked to since last night's episode keeps jumping up and down saying they explained Smokey. Maybe I'm and idiot, but I don't get it. We know that Smokey judges people. We saw that with Ecko. So now we know that it has something to do with Egypt? That's really all I got. Oh, and it lives in a vent in the temple. Okay. And it can manifest itself as dead people. So what IS it?

Anyway, Locke finds a rope and hoists Ben up and Ben is all happy because Smokey let him live. So, I guess that means Ben is a good person?

So, that's it. That's all that happened.

Oh, yes, one more thing:

We are shown Ben off island when he was rounding up the O6. He is at the pier talking on the phone with Widmore telling him he is going to kill his daughter. We then see Penny on a boat and now I am really mad. I swear, swear, that we were given a timeframe for how long Desmond had to get to LA. I believe it was 2 days. There is no way in hell they sailed from London to LA in 2 DAYS! Are we really supposed to believe this? I am so ready to throw something at the tv and never watch this show again if that's the case. Ben approaches the boat and Desmond is seen unloading groceries from a car. He yells at Ben and Ben shoots him! Ben walks up to Penny with gun drawn, Penny starts to plead for her life, then little Charlie wanders up calling for his mom. Penny asks Ben not to hurt Charlie and Ben looks like he is about to second guess himself - just like with Danielle and Alex! But then, Desmond shows up and knocks him down and kicks the crap out of him just like I predicted.

So, Ben never got to kill Penny, but Desmond and Penny have a magic boat...so I'm torn on how I feel about that whole situation.

All in all, it was a weak episode. It felt rushed and pieced together. I hate to say it, but Kate's episode was far superior.

Britney, Bikes, Bugs, and Baseball

Another Monday morning is here. It's the first full week of April and it is still cold out and there is new snow on the ground. Most of it has melted, but it is there with more expected to come. Winter really needs to end.

I went to the big Britney Spears show on Friday night. A co-worker of mine is friends with someone who works for one of the promoters. We scored tickets in a suite. They were great seats.

The show was exactly what I thought it would be. A huge circus-like spectacle. There were contoritionists, acrobats, little people, people falling from the ceiling, fire, cages, dancing...it was visually stunning. Britney lipsynced to remixed versions of her songs. She did most of her hits. "Circus", "Toxic", "Womanizer", "Baby One More Time", "Everytime", "I'm A Slave 4 U". Sh strutted around the stage in barely there outfits. We decided about half way through that there was a good chance that Britney wasn't even there. They could have thrown a wig on one of the dancers and we'd have no idea. But it wouldn't have mattered. It was still a fun show.

Saturday night we headed over to Artcrank. An art show for bicycle lovers. It was not what we expected. It was incredibly crowded and the art was just poster art. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I was just expecting weird sculptures made out of bike parts or something.

I had strange dreams about creepy bugs last night. After looking online this morning, that apparently means that something is "bugging" me. I guess that makes sense. There are plenty of things bugging me at all times.

What's not bugging me is that baseball is back! Summmer really feels like it's just around the corner now. I joined a fantasy baseball league this year and I'm super excited to see how that works out. I can't wait to hear Dick and Bert on the tv tonight and see my Minnesota Twins have their last home opener in the Metrodome. Next year, this time, Minnesota will have outdoor baseball. Hard to believe.

Lost Episode 11, "Whatever Happened, Happened"

When I first got word that this was a Kate episode, I lowered my expectation down to the basement and prepared myself for the worst. Kate's episodes always consist of Kate being mopey and pining over some guy who has ditched her for someone so much better. Then she does something illegal. That's it. That's a Kate episode.

So, imagine my surprise that by the end of tonight's episode I dared to declare it possibly the best episode of the season thus far! Because, yes, even though it was a Kate episode, she was really just a vehicle for so much more. And unlike most character specific episodes, it did not fully focus on her - and that's really all I can ask for on this crazy ass show.

So let's begin.

We open where we left off last week and I am already a million times happier with this episode because we are not starting with Kate in a Kate episode.

Jin is waking up from his Sayid beat down and finds young Ben shot. He rolls him over and Ben is still alive! But, really, did we have any doubt? He could never be dead. If he died the world would explode from paradoxes and we just can't have that on prime time television. So, Jin throws him in the Dharma van to take him back to camp where a search team is being thrown together by weird little Horace to try to find escaped prisoner Sayid.

Horace really is a funny looking little guy, isn't he? He reminds me so much of someone and I just can't place it. It drives me crazy every time he is on screen.

Ahh, and here's Kate moping in the background as usual. How dare no one pay any attention to her! She is Kate! Look at her man arms and gorgeous hair! (she really does have gorgeous hair). But wait. Who is this? A man alone in need of assistance? Here's Kate to the rescue! The man is Roger "Workman" Linus, or Ben's dad. He is trying to pull the now un-flaming Dharma van out of the Dharma hut. He asks Kate to grab the wench. She doesn't know what that is. I'm all, really, Kate? I would think you would be pretty familiar with what a wench is.
Roger is obviously taken with our PreciousKate right away, because how could he not, right? It's Kate! Kate, obviously in need of some attention, seems flattered by this. But then again, she's Kate!

Jin pulls up with Broken Boy Ben. Kate goes on about how he's a kid and is very concerned because Kate is a mother now, didn't ya know?

Uh-oh. Flashback/forward time!

Kate pulls into the driveway of some random house with her gorgeous hair paying tribute to the movie Heathers. A big red scrunchie? Can you still buy those? She gets baby Aaron out of the backseat and now we know that this takes place shortly after they return from The Island. She sings to him as they approach the door and knock. Hey! It's Cassidy's house! Who is Cassidy you ask? Well, she is the woman that Sawyer conned and fell in love with and then impregnated and she had a baby named Clementine that Sawyer never saw. Oh, and one time, she was trying to pull a con and randomly Kate showed up because everyone's paths have crossed at some point and Kate helped her out a bit. So, because of this random meeting a long time ago, Cassidy totally remembers Kate and is super happy to see her and not all weirded out about why this random woman is on her doorstep.

She invites Kate in and Kate tells her the whole truth about the crash. It turns out before Sawyer jumped from the helicopter, he asked Kate to look after his daughter Clementine. I'm fairly certain we had all guess that already. Cassidy asks if Aaron is also Sawyer's baby. She says no and then Cassidy totally figures out that he's not Kate's baby either. Kate confirms this and it's all kind of boring because we know all of this already.

Back on the island...

Kate waltzes into the security room where Jim James Sawyer LeFluer is looking over security footage trying to find Sayid. He tells her to scram because she is going to ruin everything and she gets all demanding like she is so fucking important that she should be included on everything like she always has done. Then weird little Horace walks in and everything is almost ruined but then Sawyer covers and Kate leaves and Sawyer and Horace check out Sayid's cage. They find a set of janitor's keys and are now certain that someone from the inside helped him escape. Since Jack is a janitor (hee hee!) and new to the Dharma Initiative, Sawyer says he will keep him and his co-horts (Kate and Hurley) under house arrest until they find Sayid.

Meanwhile, everyone has accepted Juliette's turn from mechanic to surgeon and she is trying to operate on Broken Boy Ben but he has sprung a bloody leak she can't find and needs a real surgeon. Hey! I know where one is! And so does Sawyer. He heads to Jack's place where he is being held with Kate and Hurley.

Miles is holding them slightly captive. He says they can leave but he will shoot them in the leg if they do. Hurley is staring at his hand and I know he is going to make a Back to the Future reference...and he does! He is waiting for himself to disappear because if Ben dies then they can never have been brought back to The Island and they will all cease to exist and I fucking Love Hurley! Thank you, Hurley and the Writers for saying this! Awesome! Miles tries to explain to Hurley that "whatever happened, happened" and that Ben can't die because he never died in the past and all of this already happened and that Sayid always shot him. This confuses Hurley and everybody and Miles keeps trying. He says that they can die (meaning the O6 and the LeftBehinders) because this is their present. But the Dharma folk can't die if they never did because this is their past and everything that is happening has already happened to them. I'm finally starting to get it and I feel bad for Miles because I've been in this situation before. You know, when you are supposed to be the expert on something that is totally confusing. Or maybe not confusing but just hard to explain. And you have to keep explaining it and going about it different ways until you yourself suddenly are doubting what you're saying. I hate that. And then just when I finally get it and Miles thinks Hurley gets it, Hurley asks the dreaded question that is on all of our minds and the one thing that ruins this little time travel story line: If Sayid always shot Ben as a child, and Ben always lives, then why doesn't Ben remember Sayid when Sayid is torturing him in the hatch? And there is is. Miles is officially stumped and so are we.


Sawyer bursts in to interrupt this little Answer Fest and asks Jack to come operate on Broken Boy Ben. Jack refuses. It's not "his purpose". He says that if Ben is meant to live, then he will without Jack's help. Now, this reminds of that old tale about the guy stuck on his roof during the flood and people keep coming up to him trying to help him and he says "god will help him" and then in the end, god says that was me trying to help you, idiot! Well, it's like that with Jack. Let's see, Jack is fated to be on the island. Jack is surgeon. Ben needs a surgeon to ensure that the universe doesn't explode. Jack says it's not what he is meant for. How much more fated does that sound?!??! God dammit, Jack, you piss me off!!!!

Kate gets in his face and calls him a jerk and Jack tries to make her feel sorry for him and she won't have it and then she says she doesn't like the new Jack and he says that she never liked the old Jack either and that's awesome. She storms off because that's what she does.

Kate goes to give Ben some of her blood. She's a universal donor. As she's giving blood, Roger Workman comes in and they sit and chat and Kate loves it and totally wants to have Dharma babies with him. Roger is showing all kinds of regret for being a shitty dad and about how Ben's mom died in childbirth and you can see Kate's thoughts and how she is relating Aaron to Ben and Ben's mom to Claire and then Ben starts having seizures and they make Roger leave. When they get Ben sedated, Juliette says if Jack won't help maybe The Others will. They come up with a plan to get Ben to The Others. Kate says great idea and then refuses any help from Juliette. Juliette tells her she will have to tattle when asked her Broken Boy Ben is, but she will give her a head start.

Flashback time!

We are back on the pier now with Kate's perspective of what went down that night Jack tried to get her to come back. She freaks out and says she's not going back and she and Aaron leave. Aaron is thirsty and wants some milk, so they head to the grocery store. When they get there, he changes his mind to a juicebox and Kate looks so frustrated and I am reminded of why I never want children. She gets a call on her cell, it's Jack. She doesn't answer. Then Aaron disappears. She gets frantic and finally sees him being led away by a woman who looks a lot like Claire from the back. She goes to grab him and of course it's not Claire, just a woman who saw Aaron standing there and thought he was lost.

Kate heads to Cassidy's who, after three years, has become her BFF. She tells her about what happened at the grocery store and how she was somewhat unphased because she always expects Aaron to be taken from her and Cassidy gives her some psychobabble about how it's because she took Aaron from somebody and how Aaron represents Sawyer and so much other shit.

Back on The Island...

Kate is in the van with Broken Boy Ben and they come across the sonic fence. She gets out and sees another Dharma van approaching. Kate's all "busted!" Sawyer's all, "I'm here to help." Kate starts to swoon and he tells her to hold it, he's really doing because Juliette says it's the right thing to do and bam! Kate is heartbroken. HA! Suck it, Kate. Now do you see why this episode is so awesome? Oh, and Ben is laying in the back bleeding to death while they have this very important conversation.

Meanwhile, Juliette heads over to Jack's cabin. He is conveniently in the shower. She barges in just as he is getting out. Hey look! There's his tattoos! Remember back when Lost didn't know what it was doing and we had a whole episode devoted to those things? Those were sad times. Juliette yells at him for not helping Ben and Jack goes on about his destiny and how he came back to help them and Juliette (looking heavily botoxed) tells him they didn't need saving and were perfectly happy living in 1977. I'm just relieved that she didn't go there to make out with him, especially after Sawyer is proving he is over Kate and oh, god I am not supposed to care about this stupid little love square.

Kate and Sawyer are dragging Ben through the jungle to find The Others/Hostiles/Whatevers. Kate is telling Sawyer about Clementine and Sawyer is still telling Kate he doesn't love her and that they never would have worked out when The Others appear with guns drawn. Sawyer demands they take him to Richard to help save Ben.

Another Flashback...

Kate shows up at Claire's mom's hotel room. Kate tells her the truth about her daughter Clairahhhh and her baaaayyyybeeee Aaron. She says Claire is still alive and on The Island. But, is she really? Are you sure about that, Kate? You've already toyed with this woman's emotions enough. Kate tells her she has to leave and that Aaron is waiting for her and she can have him. So, I guess we are supposed to deduct that Kate only went back to the island to find Claire so Aaron can be with his real mom.

Kate returns to her hotel room where Aaron is sleeping. In a very touching scene (seriously) she says goodbye to a sleeping Aaron. God dammit again Kate made me cry!!! I was tearing up watching this. I should be happy for Kate's misery. Maybe I was really crying for Aaron. Yes, that's it. Speaking of which, Kate then walks out of the hotel and leaves Aaron all alone. WTF? Bad mom!

Back on The Island...

Richard shows up and agrees to take Ben and save him. But he just wants them to know that Ben will never be the same. He won't remember any of this. He will now always be an Other. And now we have the answer to Hurley's question. Ben doesn't remember Sayid because of whatever Richard is about to do to him. One of the other Others whispers something to Richard about "are you sure about this" and "ask Ellie" and "let Widmore find him". At least, that's what I heard. Richard says yes he is sure and starts to walk away. Kate then demands to know where they are going, but Richard just leaves because he is awesome. We then see him bring Ben to the Temple. And I am so excited! This show is so awesome!!!

Now we end up back in the future where Locke and Ben and Sun and Frank and those people are. Adult Ben is lying in his hospital bed after the oar to the head from Sun. Someone is sitting in a chair staring at him. He slowly wakes up and sees that it is Locke. He looks horrified. Ben actually looks scared. Locke says, "Welcome back to the land of the living." Bens eyes widen in horror. Locke smiles.
The end.

God, it was awesome.


Next week looks like it will be Adult Ben and the Temple of Doom. Should be good.

American Pity Party

Each season of American Idol brings another group of slightly talented people into our lives twice, sometimes three times, a week for a few months out of the year. Mostly, it's pleasant, harmless entertainment. Divas taking a dive at Whitney Houston and hitting their heads on the board on the way down. "Souful" Timberlake wannabe boys who think all they have to do to dance is bob their heads and bounce on their knees. The inevitable country crooner with their learned twang. The Rocker. The Quirk. The Old Soul. And always the Stevie Wonder songs.

Mostly, this leads to a pleasant evening. You are pleasantly surprised that these kids aren't all too bad. Sometimes you get to laugh at just how bad they are, like you would be better if it was you up there forced to sing "Stayin' Alive" during Bee Gees week and were told you had to "make it your own". Maybe they've picked a song you haven't thought of in ages and it brings you back to a happy time. Personalities win you over and you find yourself actually rooting for one or two contestants. Sometimes, dare I say, you actually vote for them if the mood strikes you just right.

Sometimes people jump out at you and you openly find yourself wondering why they haven't been discovered yet. Some of these people have real talent. They should be pop stars. If Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus can have a career, how can you say that season 5 runner up Katharine McPhee shouldn't be allowed to strut her stuff in her underwear on stage to a prerecorded track for lots and lots of money. She's just as pretty as those girls and her voice is better.

Sometimes you have seasons like last season, Season 7, where almost every contestant was worthy of the top spot and the actual winner has become one of my favorite artists in my iTunes collection.

But then sometimes, sometimes you have a season like this season. A season that brings you contestants that you know will never make it in the real world and you find yourself wondering how they even made it on this show in the first place and then somehow made it all the way to the Big Stage and then still haven't been voted off yet. How does this happen? Is America that tapped out of Idols? Is America really prepared to unleash this unto the world?:

This is Danny Gokey. Or Dead Wife Danny. Or Danny Jesse Raphael. He goes by many names. Sort of like the Anti-Christ. Danny is special. Danny is a good christian boy. He is the music director at his church. Danny has a lot of soul. Danny used to be married, but Danny's wife died of a heart condition. It's all very sad. Did I mention she died just 4 weeks before his audition? Oh, well I guess I assumed you already knew since it was all that was talked about for the first half of the season. Not that Danny wanted to talk about it. No. It hurt Danny too much to talk about. That is why he sobbed into the camera every chance he could and gave the American Idol producers video footage of his proposal to her and lots of pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.

Unfortunately for Danny, I liked him at first. When they first showed his audition, I genuinely liked his voice. He had a nice gravelly soul sound. I paid no attention to the backstory. It seemed Idol was really going for the backstory this season and I'm no novice to Idol manipulation. I liked his voice. That's all that matters.

But then it didn't stop. The wife was brought up over and over again. Danny couldn't stop talking about it over and over again, even though it hurt so much, he was just doing it to honor her memory. Honor it right to the bank. If he wasn't talking about her, he was singing songs like "Kiss From a Rose", "Hero", "I Hope You Dance", and, god bless him, "Jesus Take the Wheel".

So you may think, oh, that's sweet. What a sweet boy. He misses his wife so much. And look! He has different colored glasses frames to match each one of his outfits! How clever! Now where is my AT&T phone so I can text in a vote for this sweet young christian dead wife having man?

You may think that, but that is because you have not been fully watching. This guy is not only a douche for using his dead wife to get votes. He's just a douche in general. He loves and misses her so much, yet he has somehow lost his wedding ring. Now, I'm not saying you have to wear your wedding ring all the time, but it just seems odd. Especially when he is not wearing it while thrusting his genitals at me during group numbers while still being a good christian boy who misses his dead wife. He is obviously coddled in his life and has been told that he is so fucking special that he wears this I Can Do No Wrong grin on his face. And if the judges dare to criticize him even slightly, the grin quickly turns to a grimace. Like he's looking at Randy saying: "Listen, Dawg, me and god were tight before, but now my dead wife is up there and she will damn well make sure he smites your ass for even thinking that I might be a little pitchy, Dawg."

Not that the judges ever really criticize him. For some reason, out of the thousands and thousands of people who auditioned, they picked Danny Gokey as their guy. He is their American Idol and they will do everything to make it so. Even when he screams for Jesus to take the wheel and you know even Jesus is thinking, I'm not getting in the car with that freak. Because, scream, he does. The soul has given way to a shouting for attention. Like a kid in the backseat of the car who gets more and more frustrated that his parents are deep in conversation so he just keeps talking louder and louder until one of them yells "SHUT UP!" and then he's satisfied because at least he was acknowledged.

And let me say this: I am a wife. If I unexpectedly died, I damn well better not see my husband yucking it up on a game show four weeks later. Does he have to mourn forever? No. Does he have to mourn for even a month? Not necessarily, but it would be nice. It would at least show class. Which is the main ingredient missing in the Danny Gokey = Idol equation. And if, by some crazy reason, he decided going on American Idol was the only way he was going to get over me, then he damn well better not sing "Jesus Take the Wheel" because I will haunt him for eternity.

What's worse is all of the Danny Gokey fangirls out there that think he is sensitive. Like, because his wife died, he is sensitive and they want to be next in line to be his blushing bride and feel his pain and be the shoulder he cries on while remembering the late lady and fondling all his cold hard cash.

But, Danny Gokey or not, I will still keep watching this horror show of a season. But only because I can't get enough of Idolatry on EW's website and the recaps by Television Without Pity's Jacob, the best writer on the internet.

And because maybe, just maybe, someone will step out from under the oppressive American Idol Big Stage Backdrop and remind me of when the show can be good - no - Amazing. Like this performance from last year's finale: