Thursday, May 7, 2009

Lost, Episode 15 "Follow The Leader"

Dear Lost,

Why are you doing this? Why did you do this? Why did you have to go the time travel route? You have backed yourself into a corner that I see no way out of. So it was Locke's own idea that he had to die in order to get everyone to come back to the island? Why? Why did he think this? Because The Island told him? Not buying it. There has to be a catalyst. There has to be a starting point for all this mayhem. Is everyone destined to be there, or was it all a fluke? I feel like you're trying to say that everyone creates their own destiny. But....there still has to be a starting point. Jacob better be the answer. He better be real and explainable or this whole show goes to hell.

Your (unfortunately) Loyal Viewer Who Really Can't Wait Until This Time Next Year When She Doesn't Have To Watch This Show Anymore

Yes, it's true. I think I've had it with this show. It just clearly does not make any sense anymore. Each week, I force myself to believe that it does make some sort of sense and I force myself to forget the parts that don't fit. But last night did me in. Locke being the one to tell Richard what to say to past Locke to get him to leave the island and then die and come back just makes absolutely no sense. But before I get into that, let's start the recap.

We start off post-Faraday shooting. Jack and Kate get caught hiding in the bushes and brought into The Hostiles' camp. Eloise takes them under her care. She realizes that Faraday was telling the truth that he is her son and wants to know what the hell is going on (so do I, lady). Jack tells her they are from the future and that Faraday knew of a way of stopping any of this from happening. That way? Setting off Jughead the bomb.

She tells him they buried the bomb 25 years ago when Faraday first told them to (back when they were time skipping all the time). But the bomb is now located underneath Dharmaville. But, fortunately for them, there are a series of underground tunnels that can take them there. But before they can go, Kate needs to whine a little bit. You see, Kate doesn't want to change time. Not for the reasons you would think she wouldn't. Not because if the OriginalPlane lands safely in L.A. she will be arrested for murder and go to prison. Not because if they land, Charlie will still be a heroine addict. Not because Claire will give Aaron up for adoption. Not because she will never get to raise Aaron. Not because John will still be paralyzed. Not because Hurley will still have the horrible bad luck. No, not because of any of those things. She doesn't want to land safely in the past because that would mean she never got to sleep with Jack...or Sawyer. Because, really, these past 3 years haven't been all bad, have they? I mean, sure, a lot of people have died and Sun is no longer with Jin and they are all stuck in 1977 and Rose, Bernard, and Vincent have disappeared, and Walt no longer has any parents, and Claire is probably a ghost, Jack's dad is for sure a ghost....but in this time period, Kate is a free woman with a kid who gets to have two random dudes pine over her all the time. So, yeah, it hasn't been all bad.

-and nevermind that they can't stop any of this from happening, because if it didn't happen then they couldn't go back to stop it in the first place-

Jack, Kate, Eloise, Richard, and a couple of random Hostile dudes with guns head out into the jungle towards the underground tunnels. They come to a body of water. Eloise tells them they will need to swim down and into an underwater passage to get to the tunnels. Jack starts practicing for the swim, but Kate has had enough. She tells them all to go to hell. She is going to be a good person and find the rest of their friends. She turns to leave and one of the Hostile Gun Goons threatens to shoot her. Then you hear a gunshot and for just one beautiful moment you think all is right with the world and that Kate got hers. But then, no. Instead you see Sayid. Goddamn Sayid fucking shit up again. Kate is not dead. Sayid just shot the two Gun Goons. WHY?!?!?!? I hate you, Sayid. You used to be cool. Now you just go around shooting everyone without a care. They were going to shoot Kate! It was going to be awesome! Ugh. So fucking lame, Sayid.

So, now that Kate is still alive, she whines some more about Jack's stupid plan. Sayid tells Jack that none of this matters because he already tried to change things by killing Ben and nothing has changed. Kate's all, dude, I saved him so you never did kill him and Jack's plan is stupid. She does have a point. I mean, when did this show become about killing kids and blowing up bombs? Jack's plan is full of holes. But, Sayid won't listen because mayhem is about to be created and Sayid loves mayhem. So Kate wanders off into the jungle to find everyone else and Jack, Sayid, Richard, and Eloise dive down deep and into the underwater tunnel.

When they get to the other side, they are in the same tunnel system where Ben was judged by Smokey. They light some torches and Richard leads them to the bomb. "Now what?" asks Eloise. Exactly. Now what, Jack? How do you plan on igniting this thing? How do you plan on not dying in the process? I'm fairly sure that it doesn't come with a remote detonator. Someone didn't think their cunning plan all the way through.

Back in Dharmaville, Sawyer and Juliette are tied up and being interrogated. Radzinksky, the psychopath, has taken control of Dharma (since Horace is too much of a tool to handle things) and is beating Sawyer senseless to get him to give up Kate's location. But Sawyer won't budge. He can't tell on his PreciousKate and Juliette can't fucking believe it. So the little dude who Sawyer had knocked out and tied up in the closet steps up and says he can make him talk and then BAM! he smacks Juliette. Now, I love Juliette, but that was awesome. Yeah yeah yeah, violence against women, blah blah blah. But you never see that in television and that would totally happen in real life. And she's tough. She totally took it.

Another dude comes in and says he found the manifest from when the new recruits came and that Jack, Kate, and a third person were last minute add ons. The third person, Hurley of course.

And where is Hurley? He is packing up food to go out on the run with Miles and Jin. He meets up them and wants to know why they aren't going to try to rescue Sawyer and Juliette. As they discuss this, Dr. Chang shows up. He demands to know the truth. He says Faraday told him they were from the future and that Miles is his son. They try to deny it, but then Chang gives Hurley a pop quiz.

Chang: "What year were you born?"
Hurley: "1931"
Chang: "You're 46?"
Hurley: "Yeah. Yes, I am."
Chang: "So you fought in the Korean war?"
Hurley: "There's no such thing." (cue Jin and Miles looking on in disbelief)
Chang: "Who's the President of the United States?"
Hurley: "Alright, dude, we're from the future"

Miles confirms that he is Chang's son and it is all very sweet. He also confirms that Faraday is super smart and always right and that everyone should evacuate the island.

Chang heads to the interrogation room and tells Horace to evacuate everybody because the Swan hatch is very bad. But, Radzinksy, the douche, won't have it. So Sawyer cuts a deal. If they evacuate the women and children, and throw he and Juliette on the sub, too, he will tell them everything. They all agree.

As they lead everyone to the sub, Hurley, Jin, and Miles are looking on. They see Sawyer and Juliette getting in and are very confused. Sawyer gives a "good riddance" to the island and boards. They then see Dr. Chang force his wife and Baby Miles onto the sub and now Adult Miles understands why his mom thought his dad was such a jerk. She was pissed that he yelled at her to leave and wouldn't come along. It's all very sweet again.

On the sub, Sawyer and Juliette are being all lovely dovey and figuring out their off island plans when one last passenger is brought on board. It's Kate. Goddamn Kate. She got herself caught and Dharma doesn't want her anymore, so they are shipping her off, to the dismay of Juliette. Everything gets very uncomfortable. Then the sub takes off.

Thirty Years In The Future....

ReincarnatedLocke greets Richard on the beach. He has Ben and Sun with him. He and Richard play a little catch up and Richard notices something is off with John. John doesn't tell him that he just came back from the dead. Ben and Sun chit chat some more about how old Richard is without actually saying how old he is or how he doesn't age. Sun runs up to Richard and asks if he knows Jin and the rest of the gang from 1977. He says that he does remember them and that he watched them all die. What the hell does that mean?

Sun is upset and goes to cry on the beach. Locke tells her he has a plan and vows to get her back with Jin.

Locke tells Richard they need to run an errand together and then Richard will have to take him to Jacob. Ben tags along and they head out to the jungle.

They approach the small airplane that Mr. Ecko's brother crashed in and that caused Boone to die. It turns out they are in the time period that Locke flashed to previously after he got shot in the leg by an Other and this is where it all goes to hell. DeadLocke tells Richard that a man is about to stumble out of the jungle with a bullet in his leg and that Richard needs to take it out. Who is this man? Why, it's John Locke, of course. DeadLocke tells Richard that he needs to tell BulletLegLocke that he needs to get everyone to come back to The Island and the only way to do this is by dying.


So, here we are, folks. Welcome to Mindfuck Paradox Land. I was all okay with this scenario when Richard seemed to be an all knowing connection to The Island. But it is turning out more and more that Richard is a clueless hack whose only purpose is to wear way too much eyeliner. Think about it. Richard was unaware of the time travel possibilities back in 1954 when Locke first told him about it. He still seems confused by the idea of it. And now he is not the one with the great island plan of getting everyone back there to serve some greater purpose. Nope. It was just stupid Locke's own stupid idea. But why? Because The Island told him to. Fuck The Island! What a lame excuse! At this point, I am so angry. If this show tries to wrap everything up with "because The Island said so" I am going to invent time travel so I can go back to a time when this show never existed.

Ben is clueless, too. He doesn't believe in ReincarnatedDeadLocke. He doesn't believe in time travel. This is all new to him. So what. the. hell?

They head back to the beach and Locke calls a meeting with the rest of The Hostiles. He tells them he thinks it's silly that they all take orders from Jacob, yet none of them have seen him. He says they are all going to give him a visit.

They all head up the beach and off to Jacob. On the way, Ben tells Locke that Richard is concerned about this little adventure. He thinks Locke might be trouble. But Ben says that he is there now to do as Locke says as the new leader and will help Locke in anyway to reunite with his friends. But, Locke tells him he doesn't care about reuniting with them. He just wants to see Jacob so he can kill him.

oh my god. i am in such suspense.

Is it over yet?

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